I Couldn't Make This Up

Today was a weird day. We had a dust storm that was right out of Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day. My parents (1.2 miles away) still don't have electricity. The sky was orangy brown, and my whole portable was shaking so bad I though I was off to the land of Oz.

I had to go shopping today, and when I have to go shopping, it's never productive. It's when I shouldn't be shopping that I find the good stuff. My aunt's out of town, but I had to text mesage her with a new Heather-ism.

My sister is named Heather and she's a freshman at Tech, and she is way blonder than she pays for. I think underneath it all she's pretty smart, but my big problem with her is that she NEVER thinks before she speaks, so she says some of the stupidest things known to man. Part of the issue that makes these so funny is her overall self-centered, why-am-I-wasting-my-time-speaking-to-you attitude. She's always so sure she's right and you're the stupidest thing on the planet, that when she says these things, you can't help but mock her for many moons afterwards.

My aunt, uncle, and I are always reporting the new Heather-isms to each other, and each one is finished with two phrases: "Seriously?" (said by the listener) and "I couldn't make this up." (said by the sharer).

Some famous Heather-isms include:
When my mother suggested she order the prime rib at dinner:
"I don't like Prime Rib! It's hard to get off the bone and it gets all over your fingers!

Upon seeing Rudy the dog after his summer cut at the groomer:
"Rudy! You've lost weight!"

Previous to last night's was this one...a personal favorite:
"You know, when during daylight savings time, we don't actually lose an hour of daylight, it just seems that way because of the time change." If she had been talking to my students, that wouldn't have been so ridiculous, but since she was talking to me, my mom, and stepdad, it seemed a little stupid. And the fact that she was very proud of herself that she had made that observation.

And finally, last night's Heather-ism. We were watching The Departed, which is a very good, if gory, movie. At one point, when someone had gotten their head literally blown off by a pistol, she chimes in with "You know, that's not real blood."

I couldn't make this up.