Pictures from East Texas

Here are the pictures I took yesterday, minus the family photos. I'm going to do those as Christmas presents I think...

Let's first talk about this little guy. He's the reason Daisy couldn't make it. He smelled her on my legs, and tried multiple times to make me his girlfriend. While I assured him I had no significant other, he was not in the running...

Lately, I've been taking pictures of where I'm standing. On Cowboys field, and here, in the Piney Woods of East Texas. I love their backyard because it has tons of huge pine trees, that drop needles and pinecones.

Here is an example of the trees. They are beautiful.

This is the view looking up from my seat at the dinner table. We grabbed our food and all went in different directions. The other adult cousin and I went outside to sit under the trees...

Here's one of the more artistic pictures of the trees. I had big fun playing with some of the settings on my camera.

 This is the dock. When I was a kid, there were two boat sheds, one on either side. I used to fish off the dock with a cane pole. Good times.

A few more pictures from the backyard...

Then, we had the family portrait session. You already know how that went. I did want to share the accidental picture I took and am in love with. Here's my mom:

I guess I should go join the throngs of people out on Black Friday.

Thank goodness they had a cat.

It wouldn't be a family Thanksgiving if I wasn't crying in the bathroom and trying to blame the watery, bloodshot eyes on my allergy to cats.

Warning: I'm about to get very transparent here. If you look closely, you may catch a glimpse of my spleen.

We had a surprisingly good Thanksgiving today. Everyone was on their best behavior, so we all got along swimmingly. My family in East Texas lives on this tiny little piece of stunningly beautiful land, and I took many pictures. Of the lake, of the leaves, of the old old chairs that I used to sit in. Of the dock off of which I used to fish with my D-Daddy when I was a little one. When it was time for family pictures, I directed the photo shoot, and got some fabulous photos of all of the families. I put them onto my aunt's computer, and we looked at them on the Hi-Def monitor and they were stunning. I had to take my dad up and show him the pictures I was so proud of. I should have known better.

This is a picture of me and my sister. Normally I don't put people's pictures on the web without their permission, but this time I'm going to make an exception.

My dad looked at the picture and pointed to my stomach and said "I want you to work on that. I'm getting us a family membership to the gym and I want you to go and work on that."

With that, my world came crashing down and my heart broke.

I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, and I want to think he was trying to be gentle in discussing his concern for me, but I know he was not. He is not worried about my health, he is concerned with looks. He always has been.

What he doesn't understand is that I know that I am fat. I've gone past not-skinny to fat. I know. I don't need you pointing it out to me. I know it's my own fault as well. I know that. I don't need you to point it out to me, especially not using a picture in which I'm standing next to my size 4 sister. I know.

What crushed me to the core is two things.

1. We have an extremely dysfunctional history, filled with much much verbal and emotional abuse. I forgave him and judging by his behavior he had changed. We hang out and we enjoy going places together, and I guess for a while I'd thought that I'd finally done enough to please him and make him want to spend time with me. But when he said that comment, it's as if he hadn't ever changed. It's as if he was telling me once again that I wasn't good enough. If I could just change that one thing, then maybe I'd be the perfect daughter he's always seemed to want.

2. He gave a real-life voice to the Voice inside my head. Just like that guy on the plane, I'm getting tangible proof that what I think about myself is true (regardless of whether it's true or not). I can't just think "it's all in my head" because it's been spoken out loud, and that somehow gives it power.

See, when I believe the Voice in my head, I believe that's why I'm not married, and why no man ever looks twice at me. Yes, once they get to know me they discover how wonderful I am, but if they can't get past the outside, how will they ever get to know me? That's the permeating Voice in my head. Telling me that I'll never get married, and have no reason to hope. Crushing the Voice That Should Be Inside My Head. The one that let's me see everyone but myself as He made them.

And so, I emerge from the bathroom and make some flimsy excuse about the cat bothering my allergies, and everyone believes me. Because I'm THAT good at hiding.

For this post, the comments have been turned off. If I see you in real life, I'd really rather not talk about this. I don't ever let people in this far, for a reason.  I'll be okay, and I'll bounce back to myself soon, but I wanted you to know what life with my family is really like.

Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made
Fathers be good to your daughter

We haven't even left for East Texas yet

I have the opportunity to write a little early, as I'm waiting...waiting...waiting for the rest of the family to be ready to go. When I hear "we want to leave by 9," I'm sitting in the car with Starbucks in hand at 8:45. I know it is not possible for the rest of my family to be ready on time, but it is not in me to be late if I can avoid it.

Last night, my mom said that she wanted us all to take a family picture today, so dress nice. I told her that I was wearing a brown sweater and trouser-jeans. As I'm greeting everyone coming out of their rooms all dressed for the Griswold family Thanksgiving that I know is about to ensue, I notice something about every one.

They're all wearing black. In our family photo, I will be wearing brown while the rest of the family is wearing black.

There's so much psychology in that statement. And it's all true.

Stay tuned for more adventures in the great Griswold family Thanksgiving.


And shall we mention the Starbucks for just a minute...I want the world to know that even though I routinely refer to my sister as an idiot, I still gave up my Starbucks for her. That's like, the ultimate sacrifice, if you ask me. See, when I go into Starbucks, they know exactly what I want and have it ready for me when I pay (one of the benefits of going at the same time every week). Today, I thought I'd be nice and bring my sister something, but I didn't know what she'd drink, so I got her a peppermint mocha, because who doesn't like that? Well, she doesn't. I can't begrudge her that, because I didn't ask what she wanted, but she doesn't like peppermint mochas, so I gave up my beloved white mocha for her. And I'll live...just not happily. (Though I will say that when she asked "um...is this nonfat?" I almost accidentally spilled my entire mocha on her head...)

We've got ANOTHER holiday to worry about. It seems Thanksgiving Day is upon us.

Tonight, I made apple crisp and watched the new Star Trek and did a little scrap-booking.
I'm watching the recorded episode of Glee and going to read a little bit before bed. Unfortunately, I'm at the point in my book when I can't put it down, so I may be up a while.

I'm getting ready for tomorrow. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day.
I have very strong, unpopular opinions about this holiday. We'll talk about those tomorrow.

I'm also getting ready for tomorrow because I've got quite the situation to deal with. I'm going to East Texas.
I don't know what's going to happen. There's a good probability that at any moment, Jerry Springer himself will show up to mediate.

Don't worry...I'll tell you all about it tomorrow...

I didn't fall off the bandwagon. I dove headfirst.

I saw New Moon tonight.
With my sister.
That means this is going to be a looooong post.
You were warned.

First, let's discuss my idiot sister. She goes to school in Lubbock, and is a senior. She has made many a trip to and fro the magical place, yet tonight, on her way home for Thanksgiving break, she got lost and ended up in Ft. Worth. Seriously.

We went to see New Moon. I have many an opinion about this movie, and to be honest, I was writing this post as the movie was dragging along. But first, we'll talk about my sister.

During the movie, Bella is bleeding, and I said "that doesn't even look like real blood." She replied with "It's not. It's corn syrup and food dye." Really? Really? You mean, they didn't use real blood in the movies? Thank goodness I was with you or I'd never have figured THAT one out. (That stuff oozing from your keyboard is the sarcasm with which those last few sentences were drenched.)

Then, after the movie, we discussed the Team Edward vs. Team Jacob debate, because when you're talking with my sister, you cover all of the pressing world issues. Mostly she talked and I nodded and "uh-huh"-ed in all the right places. (Don't worry. I will very shortly tell you which team I support). Then, she continued to talk about how she was on Edward's team because she thinks he's so sexy. At that point, we were walking to my car and I was wondering how difficult it would be to drive having just driven the car keys into my ear drums to prevent hearing my little sister discuss how sexy anyone is.

Finally, and this is the best, we're leaving the theater, and she says "you knew what was going to happen because you read the books. Yeah, I just read a synopsis of each of the movie because I'm not really a book-y person, especially when there's a movie about it." I didn't bring up the fact that I bought her all four books for Christmas last year because it's what she asked for. I just wasn't going to go there.

Now, let's talk about the movie. This time last year I had just finished the final book of the series and had been at the midnight showing of the first movie and might have been a smidge in love with Edward. New Moon, the second book in the series, was my least favorite, and I almost didn't finish it because it was SO WHINY. Dear Bella, get over yourself and quit whining about one boy while stringing along another. K?

So I wasn't going into this movie with the same gusto as last year. While I didn't go to the midnight showing, I was afraid I would miss the screaming fans that swooned every time Jacob took off his shirt, but I was wrong. They showed up in this movie too. The first time he came on screen two girls in the back row screamed and scared the beejesus out of me. It only went downhill from there.

As for which team I am on: Edward or Jacob? The answer is neither. I am on Team Taylor-Lautner-with-his-shirt-off. That's which team I am cheering for.

Let's talk about the series as a whole now. I used to be in love with Twilight and devoured the books for the romance involved. Now, having watched this movie, I'm over it. This is the most melancholy bunch of whiny, woe-is-me junk. I still love my experience with the books, and am glad I read them and can intelligently discuss them, but that's not how I want my own romance to play out.

I want fun. I don't want to get bogged down in the angst of it all. I want to laugh at life and laugh at myself. I think a smidge of this may have to do with The Boy, because when we're goofing around, there's just excessive laughing and fun. I guess when I first got caught up in the twilight mania, I hadn't had a fun interaction with a single boy in God only knows when, and now that I've gotten a taste of it, I remember that it can be a possibility.

Funny how perspectives can change in a year.
Except my sister. I still think she's an idiot.

Why are you such a stupid-head? That is also rhetorical.

(Big Bang Theory)

I gave up caffiene for a while. From today until Christmas Day at the earliest.
More specifically, I gave up soda. More specifically, Mt. Dew.

I do this every year for Lent, and I know what the withdrawl symptoms are. I was totally going to do this last week, but then I remembered that I was off this week and could better handle the symptoms.

Let's look at what I've done today:
7:30  woke up, went back to sleep
9:00  woke up, checked email, flittered around the interwebs, cleaned kitchen, made breakfast, flittered some more
11:15 headed to couch to nap
1:15 woke up, lunch, went to gym (another thing to get started again on the break)
4:15 got in shower because I wanted to nap again and thought it would be just too much sleep for one day

Last night, before I went to bed, I gave myself permission to waste the day away. My goal for the day was to go work out, and eat food I got at the store. Mission accomplished.

Of course, it's almost 9pm, and I've been exhausted and ready for bed since...well, 4:15.
But I will kick this habit!

My other goal is to read more this week. I'm going to get on that right now...
If I can stay awake...

Random thoughts to start my vacation

- I was going to post on Friday, but all I could think to post was the 'free at last' portion of MLK's "I have a dream" speech, but I thought it would be a little sacreligious since I was merely reffering to a week of vacation from work.

- I understand how many different grammatical errors were in that last bullet, but I'm too tired to care.

- I have lofty plans of things to get done this week while I'm off of work, and I'm already trying to forgive myself because I know I'm not going to get them all done.

- I just dropped my laptop on my pinky finger, it hurts, and it's becoming hard to type because of it. And let me tell you what a weird feat it was to just drop the laptop on the pinky finger.

- My mother is out of a job, and spends all day at home. She knows that I'm off for a week, and she has made many plans for us. I may have to fake my own death to get out of them.

- Why do people text me to ask me if I'm napping instead of just calling anyways? I'll hear the text notification and wake up, just like I would if the actual phone rang.

- I have a lot I want to post about. I've been told that I must continue the September stories immediately, since I keep leaving them as cliffhangers and, oh yeah! It's November. I also want to post about my Wednesday night dinner crew, and how I feel about Thanksgiving. It's not a popular opinion, so if you are in love with Thanksgiving, you may want to skip this site on Thursday. Just warnin' ya.

- I haven't seen The Boy in three weeks, and I'm beginning to think he's a figment of my imagination. And then I look at the mullet wig in the back seat and know he's real and miss him all the more.

- Finally, I'm starting a soda fast tomorrow until Christmas. I've been living such an unhealthy lifestyle, and with the stress from work, it's all getting to be too much. So, while I have a week with little-to-no responsibilities, I'm going to use this time to detox. It won't be pretty, which is why I am doing it when I have some time off.

Secret Saturday: Other people

I'm livin' it up in Waxahachie, but here's your dose of Secret Saturday.