Sunday, February 07, 2016

The (non) Romantic Life

First and foremost, lest you think that The Guy and I are always slow dancing in the kitchen, we had the following conversation last night:
him: "I want to skate. I'm going to go skate. Come skate with me."
me: "Nope. Done skating for the day. I'm going to Old Navy to spend a bunch of coupons and gift cards. Come shopping with me."
him: "Nope. See you tomorrow?"
me: "Yep. See you tomorrow."

Just didn't want you all to get the illusion that I'm living a romantic life up in this place.

Thursday, January 28, 2016

a better person

Well, wasn't that a dramatic and sleep-deprived little post I left out there for a couple of a lot of weeks?

Though I'm still slightly sleep-deprived (will I ever not be?) I'm facing the rest of 2016 with a little bit better of an attitude.

I sent this text a few nights couple of weeks ago:
I am at the Denton target with the pretend husband. He's wearing a red hoodie. We got separated and it's like the world's worst game of Where's Waldo. We may be pretend divorced when we are done.
We did not get pretend divorced. We came home, cooked dinner while listening to jazz music, danced in the kitchen, and settled in for the evening with both of us on our computers while his dog snored in his lap.

The boy and I are in a pretty good (though still non-romantic) place lately, but it didn't come without hard work. The "not talking to me" referenced in the last post? That was a punishment and a test. And I assure you, it won't happen again.

When the boy and I were talking on New Year's Eve, he had made me mad, and then I said "I'm frustrated with you" but didn't tell him why, and then pulled the classic, "never mind... forget I said anything." I'm totally owning that- but I didn't want to have this conversation over text. So the next two days, when he was short with me, giving me one word answers and not really initiating any conversation, I thought this could possibly be the end of us.

Then, as I was headed his way to pick him up to skate, he was downright rude to me. Rude. And I had had enough. We were going to have a chat. I am never one to confront conflict, but it wasn't healthy for me continue this way.

So, we set up a time to go and skate. I asked if he could meet me at the park, and he was absolutely rude. I tried to call him- he didn't answer. Challenge accepted. The song that should be playing right now is "Going Down For Real."

We rode in silence to the park, with him making small efforts to talk and me not giving an inch. We skated, with more attempts at small talk and such. And again, I was having none of it. Then we decided on dinner. We ordered, sat down to eat, and I said "I need to talk."

Once upon a time, after he had talked to me about some of his issues with people leaving him, I promised him that I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't leave him. And this seemed to be a test of that.

He asked if we were breaking up, and I assured him that I wasn't breaking up with him, and I wasn't leaving him, but I also wasn't happy with how things were going and that I wanted to see some changes. I told him that he doesn't make much effort in our relationship, and that it's very one-sided, with me doing all the work, doing all the driving north, and me doing all of the heavy lifting. And while I wasn't going to leave him, I also wasn't going to put up with this.

Now, it should be said that I'm a firm believer that you can't change anyone, and you can't change their behavior- they have to be the ones to do it. I will not change for a boy, and I will not try to change a boy. So I was not looking to change him. I just needed for my own sake to tell him that I wasn't happy and give him the opportunity to answer to it. And answer he did.

He said "you're right. I haven't been treating you fairly and you deserve so much better. I'm going to try to do better. I'm sorry."

And he has lived up to the task almost every single day since then. I say almost, because we had another night where he was in a bad mood and being a bit of a prick, and I told him- I don't like it when you do XYZ. I'm leaving if it continues. It continued, and I left, but I woke up the next morning with a text telling me how sorry he is and that he loves me and is glad I'm in his life.

The thing I couldn't have imagined three months ago (how has it only been three months?) is that the guy whose dating profile I would have glanced right over would make me a better person and genuinely make me believe in myself.

This guy. I can't even.

Sunday, January 03, 2016

Already done.

Today is the third day of 2016 and I'm already done. 

(In the interest of full disclosure- I've had no sleep, so the potential for dramatic overreaction in this post is high, though I was thinking this before I got no sleep.)

On the 30th of December, the boy made me very frustrated. 
On the 31st, he unintentionally hurt me and I was very short and curt with him. 
And he hasn't really spoken to me since. 

On New Year's Eve, my mother and sister really really annoyed me. 

On New Year's Day, I jumped in a lake with a group of derby girls, including someone I don't like very much at all (see: jealousy), and during that time and the few hours after that, I had such promising hopes, but then the evening settled in. 

On the day after New Year's Day, derby annoyed me and my dad annoyed me and the boy still refuses to talk to me and I am just done. I went to a game night last night with some friends. Three couples and me. I tried to leave at a reasonable hour, but we played one more game that was promised to me to be about 20 minutes. An hour and twenty minutes later and I was finally able to leave. I got lost on the way home. I got home after midnight. I saw that pictures had been uploaded from the jump. The photographer (that I have a crush on) took about 10 pictures of me, but only one made it into the pictures, and it was all my chubby, weird glory. I was also standing next to a model in a string bikini. (Can't make that up). 

About ten minutes before my alarm was supposed to go off this morning I woke from a weird dream because Daisy was having a nightmare and she was screaming. Screaming. I then couldn't get back to sleep because she was snoring. I've had no sleep and I'm tired. The babies in the nursery were abundant and out of sorts. I was sweating at one point from trying to juggle it. 

And I go back to work tomorrow. 
I haven't done one classroom thing during this break, so now I'm in panic mode... 
And I'm exhausted. 

I want off this ride. 

2016- I'm done with you.

Friday, January 01, 2016

This Year

I've had intentions of blogging so much.
But I haven't. Because: life.
The boy and I are still intertwined, but we're currently going through a rocky (possibly ending?) phase. So I might write about that and I might not.
And today, I jumped into a lake with 13 of the coolest people I know (now coldest people I know), and I believe with my whole heart I came out a new person.

2015 is gone. 'Bye Felicia.

So, I've put this together and I'm going to leave it right here. I'm sure I'll come back and update it as necessary.

This year.

Wednesday, December 09, 2015

Sunday Surfing. On Wednesday.

Clutter is becoming a problem among other things right now, so I'm consciously working to get it under control. Including digital clutter.

Here's the FUN from the last few weeks...
- The answer to this question of casual answer to texts is hilarious.

- 21 of the best opening lines in children's books. This includes the single best opening line of any book, which is also my favorite book of all time, and 2 books I read aloud to my kiddos.

- This video on the way we board airplanes actually makes a lot of sense.

- THIS. Modern Jane Austen fan and I can definitely relate.

- Some of my derby friends may be receiving THESE socks.

- This. How Meyers-Briggs prepare for the holidays.  SPOT.ON.  INFJ- perfect description of me.

The SENSIBLE from the last few weeks...
- I want one of these blankets SO BADLY...

- Going to try to end the year with these...

- Am I a Highly Sensitive Person? Uh... a resounding YES. (see also- too much digital clutter)

The MOVING from the last few weeks...

- This video has been making the rounds on the inter webs, but this article made me watch it. Glad I did.

- WORD. Single in the Church.

- I don't advent either.

And, finally... ALL of these quotes. ALL OF THEM.

Friday, November 20, 2015

A Lazy List on a Friday

I'm taking the lazy way out of blogging tonight... I found this list- a little week in review, and I'm running with it.
The temperature is changing, and I cannot.get.warm. It is way too early in the season for me to be constantly cold... yet here I am. 
The highlight of my week was Olive Garden and foot rubs and a puppy snoring on my lap and talking until I couldn't keep my eyes open for anything. And finally figuring out where he and I stand. 
The low point of my week was Monday night. Epic anxiety meltdown. Crying myself to sleep. Waking up in the middle of the night in a complete panic. Being moody and grumpy and completely irrational. 
My favorite photo I took was not one I could share here. I took a picture of this guy and his human, and it was pretty damn cute. I also took one of Reckless and I, not to mention countless classroom pictures I can't show for privacy reasons. 

This week’s workouts were skating Tuesday and Thursday, and the gym with my derby wife this evening. I can barely move my arms to type this.
The best money I spent was on a tunic and fall plaid and some new shoes- all at Old Navy. I'm redefining my fall style, which means getting all new pieces. And I love the look of a tunic. 
My plans this weekend include hopping in the car first thing tomorrow morning with my dog and music and heading west to Lubbock. Skipping practice because it will be frigid, and this girl needs some sleep. 
Happy Thanksgiving, y'all.

Friday, November 13, 2015

30 days of gratitude

So, I had originally planned on blogging through 30 days of gratitude.
At the very least, I was going to put it on Insta (and probably FB) every day to I share what I'm grateful for.

But things are different this year.
Very different.

I've still been keeping up with the 30 days project, but only ending up sharing every third day or so on the social medias.

The difference this year?
So many more people are popping up in my Gratitude Project, and for privacy reasons, I'm not sharing them.  Lots of texts too.

This year, I have so.many.more people in my life that I cannot even decide on just one thankful thing for each day. This project is making me feel incredibly grateful, even when I'm not in the best place or in the best mood.

So far, here's my list of 30 days... most of it not in pictures to share on Social Media.
Nov 1: Texts showing people care
Nov 2: Texts from two very special people. And Blue Bell
Nov 3: Dinner with two special people. And tacos.
Nov 4: My kids huddled together at our outdoor school
Nov 5: Our school program
Nov 6: Fajita night with derby wives and sangria
Nov 7: Lazy Saturday mornings and clean carpets
Nov 8: Babies and naps and WFTDA championships
Nov 9: Quiet moments of work and play
Nov 10: The ways my kids love me
Nov 11: Long phone calls with BFFs
Nov 12: My adopt an athletes and how they love my kids
Nov 13: turkeys on bulletin boards

This project, though only halfway done, has shown me just how much fuller a life I'm leading this year than last.



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