Thursday, March 05, 2015

Dear Married Man,

Dear Married Man,

Don't worry- we're not going to have this conversation in real life, both because I'm a big old ninny when it comes to conflict, and also because this is probably a non-issue for you. I doubt you have any idea what's going on.

You are a great guy, and I like talking to you. You are very friendly, and you have a welcoming personality. You like to give instruction, and you're kind when you're explaining things to people. You're always there for a nice little pat on the back. Or small back rub. Or small back scratch. Just letting me know you're there, and you're appreciative of me. There are no romantic undertones in our interactions, and from what I understand, you're happily married.

The problem is this: you're a naturally friendly, affectionate guy, but I'm a single girl. A single girl in my late thirties who will most likely end up a spinster. You are a man who sees no harm in the occasional friendly touch, back scratch, or small shoulder rub, and I am a girl who has been single for going on fourteen years and has been deprived of the touch of anyone for the majority of that time.

The first time you touched me it was so inconsequential that I didn't think anything of it. To be honest, I liked it because you touched my back to let me know you were there. I like someone literally having my back. The second time, it was a little awkward. But this last time, I felt my whole body tense up as a defense mechanism. Not because I was afraid, or thought I might have been in danger, but because you came up behind me, put your chin on my shoulder, and put your arms around me, and what was a friendly, sisterly gesture to you was an extremely intimate gesture to me.

And I can't let myself go to that place.

So, I will be keeping my distance for the foreseeable future.  Even though I again acknowledge that there was absolutely nothing romantic in the interaction, nor did I think that you were trying to convey anything romantic, it's just safer for everyone not even to go there.

- Wild and Precious
(Who you probably didn't even know was single)

Have I ever mentioned how hard it is to be a single girl? Not even once or twice?

(Side note: this all happened a while ago. I wrote it all out to get it out of my head and them promptly went on living my life. I just found it in drafts and hadn't written in a while. And while I doubt he reads my blog, distance has done wonders.)

Monday, February 16, 2015

If I knew then...

Today, I'm thinking back to one year ago: February 16, 2014.

More specifically things that I now know to be true.

Things I didn't know one year ago:
- that I'd be searching all the sports stores around for a specific mouthguard and a specific whistle.
- that I'd be wearing leggings twice a week and feel more comfortable in them than sweats or jeans.
- that I'd be using an app on my phone to study for a rules test in line at the CFA.
- that I'd be looking into a hockey helmet... to put on my birthday list.
- that I'd choose to stretch first, before I chose to eat.
- that I'd drink a liter of water twice a week. (Now to get it to five to seven days a week...)
- that I'd have a specific bag of edamame used for the sole purpose of icing down my knee.
- that I'd regularly add epsom salts to my baths. Or even that I'd take regular baths (as opposed to my daily shower).
- that once a week I'd stay up until eleven pm. On a school night.

If you'd told me on Feb. 16, 2014 that these things would be true a year from then, I might believe you.

But some things- I don't know that I would have ever believed them.

I wouldn't have believed that I own and LOVE skinny jeans.
I wouldn't have believed that the number on the scale is not very far off from a year ago, but I'm the strongest I've ever been and I am actually very proud of that.
I wouldn't have believed that I have a whole host of new friends, that are some of the weirdest people I've ever met- and that I subsequently think they are some of the awesomest people I've ever met.
I wouldn't have believed that I would be teaching littles how to skate and fall- and that I'd be as good as I am at skating and falling. (You want to learn how to backwards skate or transition? Spend some time teaching littles- it becomes a necessity).
I wouldn't have believed that I am not where I originally wanted to be, but that's okay because I see that I'm right where I should be and where I'm supposed to be. (meaning- I've still got some stuff to learn)

I wouldn't have believed that I accept so much more about my body because I've been taught to look at it based on what I need it to do for me. I don't fill it with crap before practice because I know it's going to come up after doing laps if I do. I try to fill it up with water because it's going to sweat out everything in it if there's not a water reservoir somewhere. I stretch it out and ice it down and take care of it because the working parts are important to what I want to accomplish. I try to "find" my abs two to three times a week because if I don't find them, my body will not work the way I want it to work.

A year ago tonight, I texted Reckless to see what I should do if I wanted to try this derby thing. She told me to get a cheap mouthguard and that I could use a bicycle helmet if I had one. (What about me says I have a bicycle helmet?)

So, I started this derby thing, and I was horrible at it, but I kept going- something that was a miracle in and of itself.

And so far... it's been magic.

(But, a year ago, if you'd told me that my mother would say something stupid to me in Target, and I would hip check her into a display of throw pillows... I'd probably believe that. )

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Hashtag Wedding

The trend in weddings nowadays is to have a hashtag for your wedding so all the guests' pictures and posts can be culled together easily. They are often cutesy, involving lovey-dovey-ness (think #jonnylovesjen) or a play on the bride or groom's name (think #sallygoesgreen for a groom with the last name of Green).

I've come up with a hashtag for The Sister's impending wedding, though I doubt it will get approval.


I had already hash tagged almost every wedding-related text (to anyone but my mother or sister) with #Jesustakethewheel, when a coworker suggested using wedding instead. SOLD!

Here are some examples of the wedding crazy so far:
(please also keep in mind they've been engaged less than a month)

- The sister has already found a reception venue she likes. My parents think it's too far from the church, but I've told them this is not a battle they will win. Please also know that from the venue, my sister sent her fiancé to the car to get something and en route to the car he lost the car keys. I'm not really sure how one does that (and if anyone is going to know how to do that it'll be me). I don't think you'll be surprised to learn that was her only set of keys for that car (she's lost the others), so they had to tow it to a dealership to get a new key made. #Jesustakethewedding.

- My sister has already bought two vases she got on sale at Marshall's that she may want to use as centerpieces. For her wedding that is fourteen months away. That she hasn't set a date for. And she wants us to go to our Marshall's and see if there are anymore there. #Jesustakethewedding.

- She has started the pinterest binge-ing. Each night it is something different. Dresses one night. Bridesmaids dresses another. Cakes. Shoes. Venue. Bouquets. My Pinterest feed is getting whiter and navy-er and peach-er by the minute. #Jesustakethewedding

- Speaking of bridesmaids, she's said that I will be one. Of ten. With four house party members. That's not a bridal party- that's a bridal fleet. #Jesustakethewedding.

- As for the date, she's finally picked one. Tonight, she sent me the following text:
"Hey, I know it's such a long ways away, but what about April 23, 2016? For our wedding date?"
I know I should be flattered that she is taking me into consideration, but that's a long way away, and truth be told, it's a bad week for me. It's the week of the STAAR tests. I went ahead and said it was fine, because why does it matter what I think of the date. It did take every ounce of self-control not to text back: "eh... that's the day after Earth Day, so it's a really bad time for me... is there another option?" #Iamgoingtohell #Jesustakethewedding

So, there you have it.
Wedding updates.
I'm sure there will be more.
And I'm sure the snark level will skyrocket.

Monday, February 02, 2015

What's saving my life right now...

Ned? Ned Ryerson?

Happy Groundhog's Day.

We are in the throes of winter, which here in Texas means that it was 70 on Friday and 25 when I woke up this morning. And Wednesday will be in the mid 60's, and it will be 35 and drizzly on Thursday morning when I go out to morning duty. #whydoesJesushateThursdays?

Mother nature gets very bipolar in Texas, so winter survival items include tank tops and warm socks.

Modern Mrs. Darcy wrote about what is saving her life right now, and focuses on what's life giving to us right now.

1. Derby. Always. Derby has saved my soul. As I'm coming up on one year in derby, you can be sure to hear more about it. Especially now that I train derby littles.

2. Pants on top of pants (even though I complain about them). I practice in glorified yoga pants/leggings. So on derby days that begin (and usually stay) cold, I have to wear sweat pants on top of my regular pants. The lower the temperature drops, the more layers I wear, and therefore, the more I look like a hobo.

3. My student teacher- She totally gets me. And she's amazing. And she's starting to take over my class, which means I now have afternoons off. BOOM.  (You'll hear more about her too...)

4. Warm boots and skinny jeans- I bought a pair of Ugg-ish boots (Target brand), and I now understand what the fuss is all about. And I pink-puffy-heart-love to wear skinny jeans tucked into them. The fashion. I has it.

5. Kickin' it old school - I've been listening to a little Beastie Boys, RUN DMC, Young MC, Salt-n-peppa, with some Prince and Missy Elliot thrown in. Just does it for me.

6. Working on Project Life- I've simplified it for this year and I'm keeping up relatively well, and it makes me happy. Right now, it's a little derby-heavy, but that will ebb and flow like the rest of life does. It's just a good, tangible thing to have that reminds me that my life (even the everyday) is important.

7. Rereading recent favorite books- I just finished Station Eleven, and loved it, but this time of year I go into a rereading rotation. Right now, I'm rereading Dear Mr. Knightly from last year. I just need a comfortable book that I know has a happy ending and makes me feel soft and warm inside. Next up: either another reading of Persuasion or The Night Circus again.

8. My new cleansing brush and face cream- It's nice to have something to scrub the day off my face. I feel like it's doing wonders... not necessarily for my skin, but just in helping me wake up feeling fresh and soft. (At least my face does).

9. Leggings under maxi skirts- This time of year (see: Mother Nature above), I unabashedly wear full length leggings under my maxi skirts. It keeps the legs warm and since I'm sitting on the floor for most of every day, it just makes sense.

10. Jimmy John's sandwiches. They really are so fast you'll freak. They are also a perfect meal right before derby. Bread, meat, cheese. No frills. Easily eaten on the nightmare of I35, but not enough to make me vomit after SOMEONE who is not on skates right now positively giggles when she assigns the Cruel and Unusual Punishment drill. Ahem: Reckless. (Though she did add music tonight and made all the difference in the world.)

So how about you?
What's saving your life right now?

Sunday, February 01, 2015

The picture I've taken a thousand times...

Yesterday morning, lying on the couch all snuggly and warm, I took this picture:

Often enough, I find myself taking the same picture over and over and over.
Here's a small sampling of the pictures.

I was thinking about this whole "taking-the-same-picture-over-and-over" yesterday, and why I take this picture over and over again, and I realized it's because this is my happy place.
On my couch
With my blanket that The Aunt made me.
And one made by my Nani, too.
And my puppy.
And enough time to lay down and watch a tv show and relax.

If only for an hour or so.

But don't worry.
I end up taking a lot of these pictures too:

This girl. 

Thursday, January 15, 2015

On being a grown up

On Monday, I tweeted this:

Tonight, I actually said to myself (out loud):
"I have GOT to remember to dig those insurance papers out of the trash and turn them in."

So, there's that...

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

In praise of Tuesday nights...

On Mondays, I have to go straight from school, as early as possible, let Daisy out, grab some grub, and be back on the road to derby by 5. I get home around 10pm (on a good night). I try to be asleep by 11. Try.

But Tuesdays... oh how I love Tuesday evenings. Tuesday's my busiest day at work (so glad it comes after my latest night out), but when that bell rings at 3:45,  I. am. done.

Tuesday afternoons and nights are when I have few responsibilities.
I can do things like:
- finally run by the insurance office and have them print me a new insurance card/policy statement
(Which I probably should have done this afternoon)
- go by the gym and get my membership sorted out so I can start going regularly
(Which I probably should have done this afternoon)
- cook a reasonable dinner (or a bag of Trader Joe's pasta- which I did this afternoon)
- get tomorrow's lunch ready (or throw some leftover pasta in a tupperware dish)
- finally do the dishes
- gather all the trash and take it to the dumpster (which I probably should have done this afternoon)

Or, as in the case of last Tuesday night, I can go to bed at 6pm.
And sleep all. night. long.

Of course tonight...
Tonight was just a lot of this:

I'll just go ahead and let you imagine the snoring that goes with it...


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