Thursday, January 15, 2015

On being a grown up

On Monday, I tweeted this:

Tonight, I actually said to myself (out loud):
"I have GOT to remember to dig those insurance papers out of the trash and turn them in."

So, there's that...

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

In praise of Tuesday nights...

On Mondays, I have to go straight from school, as early as possible, let Daisy out, grab some grub, and be back on the road to derby by 5. I get home around 10pm (on a good night). I try to be asleep by 11. Try.

But Tuesdays... oh how I love Tuesday evenings. Tuesday's my busiest day at work (so glad it comes after my latest night out), but when that bell rings at 3:45,  I. am. done.

Tuesday afternoons and nights are when I have few responsibilities.
I can do things like:
- finally run by the insurance office and have them print me a new insurance card/policy statement
(Which I probably should have done this afternoon)
- go by the gym and get my membership sorted out so I can start going regularly
(Which I probably should have done this afternoon)
- cook a reasonable dinner (or a bag of Trader Joe's pasta- which I did this afternoon)
- get tomorrow's lunch ready (or throw some leftover pasta in a tupperware dish)
- finally do the dishes
- gather all the trash and take it to the dumpster (which I probably should have done this afternoon)

Or, as in the case of last Tuesday night, I can go to bed at 6pm.
And sleep all. night. long.

Of course tonight...
Tonight was just a lot of this:

I'll just go ahead and let you imagine the snoring that goes with it...

Thursday, January 08, 2015

Thoughts on a Thursday Night

- I have not watched television this week, save the 5-6 hour for news. I think I'm going to make this a new thing.

- I may not get to have a husband or children, but sometimes, I do get to put my pj's on and call it a night at 6pm without having to answer to anyone.

- Getting up at 5:30 am is not any easier when you've gone to bed at 6pm.

- I went to LBB for Christmas, which means I got the sinus gunk and the asthma again. I'm still feeling the residuals of that, and some interesting stuff is coming out of my nose.

- Sometimes magic shows up in the form of a laminator that is ready to go when you get to the copy room.

- I'm pretty sure I'm losing my ever-loving mind lately. I've lost an important paper, a gift card from Christmas, and forgotten a few things, and none of those things are anything like me at all.

- Last night, I wrote the following in my journal:
I dropped a Chick-Fil-A french fry on my floorboard and found the credit card I lost last week. I wish that sentence didn't sum up my life as accurately as it really does. 
- I got my mom a Fitbit for Christmas, and she was so excited because she could compete with me for steps. Once again she has no idea what teachers do, because one thing I do is log 10,000 steps almost every day, just on a normal teaching day. I've not worn it for four different days, and I'm still 5,000 steps ahead of her.

- I stepped on the scale yesterday and was down 14 pounds. From the night before. Turns out one corner was on a towel on the floor. But it was nice to see the number nonetheless.

- My hair dryer stopped blowing heat this week. Unfortunately, 5:45 in the morning is not when you tend to retain information, until the next morning at 5:45 am.

- My hair dryer still blows air, and gets my hair dry, but it's a frizzy mess now, which leads to me having to fix it every morning. But now I've found a way to fix it that I really like, and that lends itself to me wearing my hair down much more all day, so I may go with it.

- I wish I could go to bed at 6pm every night.

Sunday, January 04, 2015

It's toon town, not toonton. You've been watching too much PBS.

I want to post more, but it's almost bedtime.

Downton Abbey came back on tonight, so naturally, that's where my focus was.

And, of course, this:

The struggle is real, y'all.

Saturday, January 03, 2015

She's possibly going to the chapel, and she might get married.

**In the interest of trying to post as much as possible on the few days left that I have time during the day to post, I wanted to get something up today. And since I have 12 different drafts started, I thought I'd pick one and finish it. And this one is very timely. 

No. I'm not talking about me.
In the slightest.

I've started this post a dozen times in my head, and now that I'm sitting down to write it, I can't think of all of the clever and downright witty things I was going to say.

Since as long as I can remember, I have been praying, begging, and pleading God for a husband. I've continued to live my life even though one hasn't been made available. I've grieved for the loss of getting married and having children young, and for the idea of a big family with lots of children running around. I have grieved for the fact that I have not given my parents grandchildren, because despite their many flaws as parents, they will be amazing grandparents.

I never stop asking, because I know God doesn't tire of hearing my pleas and my requests. Well, maybe He tires of hearing it, but He loves me in such a way that He wants to hear what's on my heart and my mind, even if it is the same thing over and over again. I think about it and dream about it and wish for it.

Except for lately. Lately, it's been a little bit different. Do you want to know the one thing that will change a 37-year-old girl's prayers away from the only thing she's ever wanted?

The impending engagement of her 11-years-younger little sister.

My sister moved in with her boyfriend, because they are totally going to get married.
And then they went looking at rings.
And shit got real.

This new development didn't change the fact that I would like a husband (pretty please, with sugar on top. And a cherry.) That prayer remains constant, and will probably do so until the day I die, as I don't see it happening ever. (See also: And still, He is good.)

My new prayer- the new constant thought in the back of my head at the very mention of my sister getting married- is that I handle it well for her. That I handle it with grace and dignity and genuine happiness for my sister. That I not do anything that would take away from her joy during this time.

I'm trying, and I think it's going okay so far, but the engagement itself hasn't happened yet, and even so... it is not easy.

The thing that makes it hard is not just that she's getting something I want, but also because she and I are two diametrically opposing people, night and day, and quite often, we just don't get along. We do not see eye-to-eye.  We have been able to be peaceful family members mostly because we both realize that the other one is probably trying their best, and we just try to go from there.

(It should be noted that I tried twice to type things about my sister just now but deleted them, because in print, without context, they just make me sound petty and condescending {which I am sometimes} and defeat the purpose of what I'm trying to do- which is handle her engagement well.)

The ring has now been bought, and it's just waiting to come into the store, so he can pick it up and propose. I'd like to say I haven't shed a tear over the whole thing, but I'd be lying (since I'm tearing up just writing this little bit). But that's what late nights alone in my apartment are for.

Part of answered prayer is perspective, and that's how God's answered this prayer so far. This guy is good for my sister, since he can joke about her and handle her ordering him around. He's also so far from my type of guy (see also: kinda boring, bless his heart). But, he makes her happy and lets her live the kind of life she likes to live, and I think they're a good pair.

So, I'll let you know when he finally pops the question, and since she wants a big, perfect, ideal wedding- complete with her sister as a bridesmaid- I'm sure there will be many stories to come on this topic.

Friday, January 02, 2015

Lame duck.

I am going on day fourteen of Winter Break.
And I'm about done.

I am very much in need of getting back to a regular schedule.

It's been raining for two days now, and cloudy for about the last five. I'm becoming agoraphobic. I took a trip to the Hobby Lobby today, and when they didn't have the exact thing I wanted, I walked right out. I then went to the Walmarts, got exactly what I needed- even in order- on my list, and immediately went home because I could not even handle much else. I just needed to be back in my apartment, on my couch, with my dog.

This is a rather new development for me, so I was pondering the "what is going on in my brain and my feels?" on the way to said apartment, and that's when I (thankfully) made the connection that I'm just severely out of routine and schedule and it's starting to show up in my psyche. Being off this much and left to my own devices just leaves me feeling completely unsettled.

In Congress and the Presidency, when one guy is on his way out and another is on their way in, it's called Lame Duck. For me, that's what the time between the day I'm out for Christmas Vacation and the day I go back to school feels like.

Yes, 2015 technically started yesterday, but it doesn't feel like it's really starting until I go back to school on Monday. (And while on of my FB teacher friends is saying she wants a snow day on Monday, I don't have the heart to tell her I'm pretty sure God won't do that just based on the potential catastrophe that would be me home alone again for

It doesn't help that on NYE, I stayed out until 2am and then slept until 10, so that last night, at 11pm, I was still wired for sound and not at all interested in sleep. Which is why I slept until 9am this morning, and will probably not get to sleep before 11pm again. Vicious cycle.

I've also been binge-ing. Not on food. (At all, actually- I haven't eaten much over the last three days, and nothing even remotely resembling three meals a day).

Before I left for Lubbock, I watched an entire season of Arrow. (So good... SO want to be Felicity).
In Lubbock, I read three books in three days (The entire "Selection" series by Kiera Cass- not bad actually).
Upon returning from Lubbock, I've watched the entire second season of Arrow. (Even better than the first... even with major spoilers).

So the only cure for this madness is back to school, which still isn't happening for two more days. And while I welcome their laid-back nature, the ability to sleep in and wear a sweatshirt and jeans every single day, this girl needs her routine back.



“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re doing something.” ~ Neil Gaiman

Just found this in my drafts. 
Seems Neil Gaiman has a lot to say about the year to come.

I like that. 

Thursday, January 01, 2015

Call it magic...

One Little Word®
It's a thing. 
A word to "guide" you through the year. 

Sometimes I do it. Sometimes I don't. I've had words like Hope. And Yes. Things like that. 

This year, I'd been toying with words. Trying a few around. 

But the thing is... often times, One Little Words choose you. 

I wanted a word like Brave or Bold. Those were my two choices. 
Do-able. Measurable. Obtainable. 

But that is not how this whole thing works. 

Just about the time I was milling around the idea of a 2015 word in my head, I woke up with a song in my head (as I do every single morning), but it was Christmas morning, and it wasn't a Christmas song. It was a Coldplay song. Call it magic, call it true. 

And right around the time I was driving home from the wild wild west, the first three songs on the radio had magic in them. That's how it is with the One Little Word. Like when you decide you're getting a new car, and you see that car everywhere. 

(I should also note at this point that one of the things I've been purposely doing for my student teacher: showing her that children and teaching them is a constant source of magic. It seems to be working.)

So, my one little word for 2015 is Magic

And I really don't know how that's going to play out. 

But I did wake up to this courtesy of Facebook this morning, and I may have shed a small tear. 

I should also add that I've been reading Neil Gaiman's books lately
and they are the definition of magic. 

And the last few lines of that Coldplay song? 
I'm pretty sure I'd be okay on the eve of 2016 if it were true...

And if you were to ask me  
After all that we've been through  
Still believe in magic? 
Well yes, I do 
The One Little Word concept was started by Ali Edwards. You can read more about it on Ali’s Blog.


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