Tuesday, October 13, 2009

THAT girl

I was lamenting to The Aunt about my seemingly permanent status of single, and she told me about a girl she knew that didn’t get married until she was 35 or 40 or 80 or something. I know she was trying to make me feel better like the many people that have also told me about a friend that didn’t get married until they were 35 or 40 or 80.

I don’t want to be THAT girl. The girl that everyone tells stories about to makes the listener feel better. Of course, in all the “THAT girl” stories, THAT girl is married. So maybe I shouldn’t be so fussy about being THAT girl.

I'm also a different kind of THAT girl. I'm the girl that people tell other Christians about who is just living her life for Jesus and waiting on God's timing to bring prince charming to her. She's got such a sweet spirit, and she's not bitter, and she has all the time in the world and she uses it to serve God while she waits. I am THAT girl. And I've said it before. I'd give it up in an instant, but only for something ordained by God.

I could easily go to a bar and meet a guy. He probably wouldn't even be a bad guy. He wouldn't be some motorcycle-riding, tattoo-having, cussing, drinking, smoking jerk looking to meet just any old girl. See, I know from experience that I'd meet a great guy. He'd be very nice, and have a very stable and good job, and he would treat me well, and probably even go to church with me if I asked him to. And he'd want to marry me and live in a house in the suburbs and the only thing we'd argue about is which video to rent on a Saturday night. Who argues about that anyways? (Name that movie.)

Then, all of my friends would tell their 25 year old single friends about a girl they knew that didn't get married until she was 33, and they would all gasp and feel better about themselves and have a little more hope to hang on to.  But I can't be THAT girl. The girl that settles.

Not sure what's wrong with me lately. I've been in this mood since about Thursday or Friday. Maybe it was The Office wedding. Maybe it's because I'm writing September Stories, which I promise will continue soon. Maybe it's because the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter is aligned with Mars. Maybe it's because it seems that while all of my friends are having babies (six, to be exact), I don't know if I'll ever get to go on a date again, much less have a child of my own. And there aren't many signs pointing in that direction.

Mostly it's because school is so much more stressful that I'd ever prepared for and it's exhausting me and coming home to an empty apartment is just killing me. It's like I leave one problem at school, only to come home to another problem glaring me in the face.

Maybe I just need to stop writing so late at night when I'm exhausted. Yeah, that's it...

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