Weakness

One of the things this surgery is teaching me is about weakness. I am a very strong person. Freakishly strong, in part because I've never had anyone around to do things for me (i.e. husband/boyfriend to move the dresser or change the tire). I'm also too impatient to wait for help so I've just learned to do it myself. This is not something I'm bragging about. It's a character flaw, and it's also a miracle I haven't thrown my back out or something after all these years.

I've also never been really sickly, other than the occasional cold or headache, in which I pop some Advil (how I love thee) and get on with my day. I've also never had any real patience for sickly people. My old roommate was sickly, and it drove me insane.

But this surgery, it's kickin' my hind quarters. I had it done on Monday morning, and the thing I'm having the hardest time with is that I'm having to recover. I knew that I would not be at top-speed for awhile, but I was really thinking that 'awhile' would be a couple of days and then I'd be up and going again. But I'm not. I'm still on idle.

Today was my third outing since Monday. Thursday night, I went to Hobby Lobby for a total of about 30 minutes, and was completely winded and in need of becoming horizontal with someone fanning me (the ceiling fan was happy to oblige). Last night, I went out to dinner, and fared a little better, but then had to come home and go comatose for a while (you know, 8-10 hours). And today, I managed to hit a restaurant and two stores, for a total of 2 hours out of the house, and now you can put a fork in me because I'm done.

I'm not used to this. I'm used to being a little tired, but not the pale, woozy, "are you okay?" kind of sick. I'm not used to having to admit that I need to rest and lie down and that I am felling weak.

And I don't like it. Don't like it at all. I don't like it so much that I think I'm going to go take a nap and show this weakness who's really boss. Yeah. Take that!