Saturday, August 18, 2007

Why I Don't Carry A Tazer

Alternate titles: "Why do I think I'm a grown up?" or "Who said she could live by herself?"

It was a dark and stormy night. (All good stories start out that way. It was actually only slightly raining.)
I had Kells Bells and the two dogs at the new place.
We were watching High School Musical 2. (What time is it? Summer time!)
All of a sudden, the power goes off.
We did not panic.
We lit candles, and I carried around a flashlight.
I discovered that the power was only off in my buidling.
Talk to neighbors out walking their dogs, none too friendly, none even remotely interested in fixing the problem.
Call emergency maintenance number. Operator tells me that they no longer answer calls to my complex. Great.
Talk to more neighbors, still in dark. Again, no one interested in trying to resume power to our building.
Call leasing office, hoping to get emergency call number.
Press 2 for after-hours operator. Speak with after-hours operator who sounds remarkably like Marge Simpson, and makes it clear that she is not interested in talking to me and that also, this is probably my fault and I should call the electric company. Thanks.
Take two barking dogs outside. Walk around building (all of this with 7 year old in tow).
See power come flickering on. Say thank you to Very Nice Man who was smart enough and concerned enough to come outside and fix the cursed problem by simply flipping the breaker.
Meet Very Nice Man. Turns out, he lives in my old apartment, right above me, and has his daughter for the weekend, and they've rented a 2-day rental, and dangit, they're going to finish the movie.
Discuss High School Musical 2 with Very Nice Man. Just in case he might ever be interested in me, let me just go ahead and kill that interest now.
Take dogs and kid back into apartment. Promptly forget about the whole experience.

This is where it gets funny, and sadly, a little too typical of me.

(aside: all night long, Kells Bells has been saying that she hears a noise, which is actually just Very Nice Man and his daughter walking around. After about the umpteenth time that she says "I heard a noise" I just start ignoring it altogether. My bad.)

One Hour Later:

Kells Bells says she hears a noise.
Dog starts barking at door.
I think dog wants to go outside. I tell Kells Bells to round up the dogs, and we'll take them outside one last time before bed.
Get the leashes on dog. Not an easy feat by any means. We get our shoes on.
Open door, where there is a man and a teenager on the other side staring at me.
Proceed to SCREAM BLOODY MURDER and slam the door.
Realize what has happened, and that it was in fact, the maintenance man at the door.
Reopen the door, apologizing profusely, and remembering why I don't carry things like mace or tazers with me.
Continue apologizing profusely to the completely befuddled maintenance man, who can't figure out why this girl has called him to her apartment at a ridiculous hour and then screamed and slammed the door in his face.
Try to explain to the maintenance man the problem and that Very Nice Man has fixed it.
Shut door as maintenance man is walking off. Double check locks.

Kells Bells looks at me and says (with as much "I Told You So You Big Idiot" as she can muster in her voice): I TOLD you I heard a noise.

And after that, we just had to call it a night.

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