From the movie A Lot Like Love. I L-O-V-E this movie. More than I should.
So. This week is our Week of Worship (WOW).
The week’s going pretty well. A few things here and there. Here are a few of my favorites of the days so far:
Monday: We have a funeral. Every year since about forever, we’ve had a funeral during the week of VBS, and since this week is a hybrid of VBS and another program we have, it wouldn’t be complete without one. At the very end of the day, I was wandering down to the worship center, and two ladies were putting flowers on the stage. We had this conversation, from the very front and very back of the sanctuary:
Her: “Ha-aaaaay”
Me: “Um, Hi.”
Her: “How are you?”
Me: “I’m fine.”
(Now at this point, you’re probably thinking that I’m only using the term ‘her’ to protect this woman’s privacy. You’re wrong. I’m using ‘her’ because I’ve never seen this woman in my entire life and have no idea who she is. Keep that in mind as the rest of this conversation plays out…)
Her: “You’re looking good! You got your sway back!”
Me: (Stunned silence. Crickets chirping as woman walks off stage, obviously not interested in continuing the discussion about my sway, which I didn’t know was missing in the first place. But at least I got it back…)
Tuesday:
First of all, I had this conversation with a child, as I was trying to sneak away to the bathroom and he was trying to come in and I couldn’t shut the door due to the potential for head trauma:
Him: “Miss Katherine! Miss Katherine!
Me: “My name’s not Miss Katherine. My name’s Miss Jennifer”
Him: “Then why do you keep calling yourself Miss Katherine?”
Door slams….
Secondly…this:
I am putting 250+ kids on each of six different buses to two different locations. I’m going from bus to bus to bus trying to figure out if everyone is present and accounted for, etc…
One of the bus drivers comes running off the bus towards me, and I’m thinking something’s wrong. Instead, she hands me a flier.
Her: “I was noticing the way you walk, and I think you need one of these…” I look at the flier and realize it’s for one of those super-shaper girdles. Yes, girdle.
Me: “Um…..” I’m doing so well with words these days…
Her: “AND….I went from like a size 14 to a size 10. You should try it. Here’s my number. If you want to try it, call me and we’ll talk.”
Ya’ll, I couldn’t make this stuff up. Luckily, in both scenarios there was a witness, both times looking as extremely confused as I appeared to be. Except the girdle scenario. As the girl said the last statement about the sizes, the boy witnessing was very smart as he quickly turned on his heel and walked the other direction.
Now I understand that today’s Wednesday, and while I don’t have any real amusing anecdotes, that’s because the week’s catching up with me and I seriously entertained the idea of going to bed at 6:50. I’m sure I’ll have many more exciting stories for you tomorrow….
maybe its your sway that made her suggest the girdle...
ReplyDeleteI was walking to our school office one day after a particularly difficult parent-teacher conference with a particularly difficult parent (and was glad that this mother was done berating me for a bit), when said parent walks back in the front doors, catching me at the office (durn). She asked me, "Do you have a cold?" Um, no. She continues by telling me she heard me coughing during the conference (I wasn't). I'm still staring, crickets chirping as you say...Then she pulls out a bottle of magic elixir (which had some fancy name I can't remember) and promises it'll fix whatever ails me (um, can it fix her daughter?) for the low, low price of $130 - but you only have to take 1 ounce a day. I mumbled a quick "No, thanks" and pretended I had pressing business to attend to.
ReplyDeletePeople are weird.