That's a line from "The Shop Around the Corner."
This is a post about: That Boy.
I haven't seen him since someone started praying that the Holy Spirit would prompt me to go all kissy face on him. The thing is...it's my fault I haven't seen him since then. And I'm okay with that.I've been to every YL event, and he hasn't. How's that my fault?
I am a C. I am a Ch. I am a Christian. (Only a few southern Baptists will get that reference).
Which means I pray. A lot. About everything.
Actually, it's mostly not even real formal-bow-your-head-and-pray-with-me kind of praying. I just talk to God all the time. About the same things, over and over. He's used to it by now.
And the thing I talk to God about when it comes to That Boy or any Boy at all is this: If it's not good for me, could you please get rid of it? Could you make him go away?
Sometimes, God does it immediately in such a way that makes me feel like I've been punched and might need to throw up on my shoes. One day, within 2 hours of me talking to God about that, the boy walked up to me and said "I just want you to know I'm moving away in a few days." I'd already invested a lot of time, energy, and myself into that one, and God needed to get rid of him in a hurry so I could start to heal. Another time, within 24 hours the guy walked up to me and told me he was moving. That time I'm pretty sure God was just saving me from embarassing myself further.
Whatever the case may be, it's a trust issue for me.
I'm telling God that if this is not a good thing, I want Him to take it away so I won't miss THE good thing if it happens. I'm telling Him, and telling myself, that I'd rather have what He wants for me than what I want for me. I'm telling Him that I know He knows what's best for me, and that I won't question Him about why, but I will understand and try not to waste too much more time looking back over my shoulder. I can't promise Him I won't think about it, or wonder about it, or wish I could see That Boy a little here or there. He knows me and I know me better than that.
It always takes me a little bit of time to figure out that God was involved in the disappearance. I have to go back through my journal entries, as I do often, and find the prayer I wrote that asked God to get rid of it. In this instance, I think it's no coincidence that as soon as Wendy started praying that the Holy Spirit would prompt me to kiss him, he fell off the face of the earth. While I was quite sure that I wouldn't have gone up and kissed him, I guess God got rid of him just in case I did get the nerve.
That God's kind of funny like that.
But I trust Him.
No comments:
Post a Comment