Emails I wish I could send

I keep a mental file that is titled "Emails I wish I could send". It's filed right next to "Things I wish I could say." They don't see a lot of daylight.

Today, I added something else to the email file.

Today's school was cancelled, but we had scheduled our Valentine's Day party for today. Oh no!

One of the teachers had emails from parents as early as yesterday morning wondering what we would do to reaschedule the party. We're that kind of crazy in our hood.

I sent an email to the parents that said (among other things):

As far as I know, we'll continue with the Valentine Day festivities on Tuesday when we return.

I got an email from one parent that said "thanks for letting us know".
Then, I got an email that said simply this:

"Will they be exchanging Valentine's? Or can we just bypass that whole Hallmark tradition..."

Here's the email I wish I could send:

"Listen here. Just because your kid is a complete procrastinator and has nothing resembling a Valentine's Box or any addressed Valentines doesn't mean that the other children in my class haven't been working hard all week to get their things taken care of.  Trust me. I do NOT have the class time to take two days off and then come back and give up more time for a class party, but these kids only get three parties celebrations a year, and we're not missing one. And furthermore, mrs. married to a doctor and living in a mansion-esque home and not having to work and having multiple cars and such, don't talk to the over-thirty single teacher driving an suv that belongs to a credit union about a made up Hallmark tradition. Because guess what...that Sponge Bob cardboard valentine your kid's giving me? Yeah- those are the only valentines this girl's getting, so your kid's better have some extra X's and O's on it. Ya hear?"

And by the way, what else is there to do at a Valentine's Day party except pass out Valentines and eat cookies? And I'm not giving up an hour of teaching time just for some cookies...

Instead, I sent this email:

"We're still going to pass out valentines. Some of the kids already have all of theirs addressed. This part is optional, though, so if he doesn't want to hand any out, he doesn't have to. Also, he could just sign his name and not individually address them. See you Tuesday!"

I think the second version is much more appropriate.
I guess.