Five days off in a row does not do good things for me.
Sometimes, it's a very good thing for me to so busy that I don't have time to think of the trivial little day to day moments of my life. Like what I look like in the line at the Target, or what my blog looks like and is about.
Yesterday, I met KC and her little one for lunch and we ran up to school for her to rescue her bunny and to utilize the copier while no one else was in the building. I had make up on, but since I was only running to lunch, running by school, and running by Target to grab some dog treats, I just wore a pair of sweats. The velour kind. The comfortable kind. Oh, and my wellies, because I haven't left the house without wearing them since something like last Tuesday.
I'm in line and I see someone I know in another line. She politely says hello, as do I, and then we both go on quite obviously concentrating on anything and everything else as to not be forced to make small talk for God knows how long. The whole time, I keep sneaking glances, noticing how so incredibly fabulous this girl looked, even though she was only wearing jeans and a tee shirt. But her jeans- they were all cool and trendy, and her hair, even though it was just pulled up in a couple of bobby pins, looked perfect. And, I know this girl, and know that she is one of the sweetest, kindest, most pleasant people to be around.
And I proceeded to have a mental meltdown right then and there.
Insecurity ran rampant, and quickly turned to inferiority. It's amazing how fast I went from feeling relaxed on my day off to feeling like a complete, gross slob. She looked young and cute, and I looked old, frumpy, and stupid.
I don't ever have insecure inferiority complexes about who I am. I know I'm a funny, kind, person that is easy to get along with. I know that the people who know me even in passing know that I'm a generous person that will do anything in her power to help and tries to live like Jesus did (even if she does fail miserably...as every human does.)
But how I look. What people who don't know me see. What other people in line at Target see.
And then, it only snowballed from there, as I came home and checked Facebook (which I'm pretty sure is a product of the devil right now) and read a couple of people's blogs. As I'm reading all of these blogs out there, that talk about what they are doing and show cute pictures of their kids...I wonder to myself- why would anyone read my blog? What do I talk about?
Nothing. I don't have kids, and while I do tell an occasional story about a wacky student, it's nothing of substance. Grandparents don't check in here for updates on their grandkids. No one checks here to see what's up with my dog. I don't write intriguing and thought-provoking commentary. And I can guarantee you that after this hot mess of a post I doubt I'll have a readership of more than five. And those five will only want to feel better about themselves by reading silly stories of times I fell down.
Hopefully, after this five day weekend of nothingness that I'm experiencing will end, and I will be back to the busy life that keeps me from thinking about what I look like in line at Target and how my blog is nothing of consequence and why do I write it anyways?
And, yeah. I've turned off the comments on this post, because other than this little lunatic-esque ranting, I don't want to talk about it. It's hard enough just thinking about it.
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