In dreams...

I am sitting on the couch with my laptop. There is a kindergarten princess drawing pictures in her journal and asking me to spell things like "Grandma" and "house", and talking non.stop.  Her brother is upstairs playing a video game, as a reward for having finished his homework, recited his poem to me, and read for 20 minutes. We have 45 minutes until the dash to get dressed, get cleats, waterbottles, and where's my hat I have to have it for the baseball game! It's my temporary bliss. I hand them off to their father sometime around 6 tonight, but until then I get to pretend.

Last night, my sleep cycle looked like this. I love this ap on my iTouch. I use it every night, though it really means little too me. If you took one look at it, you'd think I got a really good night's sleep last night. I knew that it was inaccurate the minute I looked at it. (Turns out that the plug had come out of the wall, and the iTouch itself had fallen asleep.)

I knew it wasn't accurate with one look because of the dream last night.
I had another one of those dreams.
Those dreams that are so wonderful and so real that it's painful to wake up.
Those dreams that stay with you all day long, that you keep going back to, no matter how much you try to distract yourself.
Because in the dream, he looked me in the eye and told me he chose me and he kissed me.
And it was so real that when I woke up, I had to just stare at the wall for a few minutes to grieve the loss of the dream.

I only have those dreams every once in a while, but when I do have them they hit me hard.
I try not to read into them, because while I know some people (predominantly Old Testament people) connect with God in dreams, that's now how He and I roll. We're music people, God and I. Not dream people.

And tonight, I have to go to sleep, and try not to think about the dream, and try not to be sad, because I know the dream will not be the same.