Baby steps

One of my 101 in 1001 goals is to confront conflict. I purposely left the wording a little ambiguous.

See, me and conflict do not get along. We are not peeps, homeys, or BFFs. When I see conflict coming at me, I typically run screaming the other way like my hair is on fire. Or I try to passive aggressive it to death, and it just never dies. It does, however, lead me to having awkward conversations. I hate you conflict.

Which leads me to today, in which I did not confront conflict, but I did not back down from it, nor did I throw anything passive or aggressive its way.

Backstory:
I move classrooms every year. I'm never thrilled about it. For once, I thought I just might dodge a bullet and get to stay in the same classroom for two years in a row. It was wishful thinking and I knew it would not work, but I wasn't going to tell anyone and I was going to see how long it took for my principal to tell me I had to move.

This did not sit well with the other fourth grade teachers. All year long, they've been on the "fourth grade hall" and we've been on "the other hall". We did it on purpose and we love it. We are not tempted to stand in the hallway and talk for the first twenty minutes of the school day and no, I am not exaggerating. We are not sucked into the mediocraty (sp?) of their lecture and worksheet-based teaching.

And those other teachers: they hate it. Captial H. They say they miss us and feel disconnected from us when we are on the other hallway, but we both feel like they don't miss our company, but instead can't see what we're doing and can't influence us in any way. Which for us is a bonus of being down an empty hallway all by ourselves.

When I was asked why I wasn't volunteering to move, I replied that I wasn't moving until I was told to by the principal. To which one of my teachers said snidely to KC (like she wasn't going to tell me, hello how stupid are you?) "why should you have to be told to move? You should just move because it's best for the team." In reality, 'what's best for the team' is for me not to discuss a few things I feel you should do right now, mostly because I'm not allowed to use those words at school.

Fast forward to today, said teacher says to me "So are ya'll moving down to our hallway?" to which I replied "no." She openly looks me in the eye and says "Why.Not?"

Hello, conflict. Welcome to our team meeting. Please have a seat right here in the middle of the table. I've been waiting for you.

me: "I don't want to."
her: "I know, but it would make so much more sense. I know it's a pain to move, but then you'll be down here by us and it just doesn't make sense to have us here and ya'll down there."
(insert another snide comment by different teacher here. Even conflict starts squirming at the table.)

me: "I don't want to. I've moved eight times in nine years, and I do not want to move again."
her: "Who said you could stay?!" (At which point I really wanted to insert a well-placed 'your mom', but refrained)

I quit engaging after this. KC explained a few things to her, and then we changed the subject. She could not look me in the eye (once hers stopped rolling at me) for quite sometime after this. She spoke with KC later and told her she hoped I was not mad at her. KC explained that I'm not mad at her, I just don't want to move. I'm not going to put on a happy face and pretend that everything's hunkey dorey just so she'll feel better. KC basically told her to leave me alone.

Thoughts going on in my head- edited for PG-13 rating:
1. DO NOT use the phrase "I know." Really?! You know? You mean to tell me that you too have also moved eight times in nine years, packing all of your stuff up every.single.year and moving to another room in the same building? You have? How did I miss that?! Because if you really knew what a pain in the a$$ it is to move rooms every year, you'd get up off yours and help me.
2. You are NOT the boss of me. As juvenille as it sounds, that pretty much sums it up, seeing as how something like teacher classroom assignments is a job that a principal should take on, as opposed to someone who just thinks she's in charge.
3. Furthermore, if you're so intent on my being on the fourth grade hall with you, by all means be my guest and come pack my stuff up and move.it.your.self.

Ultimately, about an hour later, my principal called me in his office and told me I had to move. Big surprise there. I'm sorry you had to go tattle on me and get the principal involved because I didn't do what you wanted. But I'm not shocked in the least, and knew for certain that I'd be having that meeting wtih him today.

And so I will move, like I knew I would have to, and like I always seem to have to do. But I'm not going to like it, and I'm not going to say "oh, that's okay." Because it's not.