I've come to realize...

I've come to realize that my body is...
what it is. It ain't pretty, but it's sturdy and functional. I have so many body issues so that's all I have to say about that.

I've come to realize that my job is...
my calling, and it's more than the job description it comes with. Every day I am a teacher, life coach, mother, friend, and dictator (most days a benevolent one). More often than not, I'm also a seamstress, referee, ninja, historian, secretary, banker, engineer, policeman, fireman, nurse, comedian, librarian, artist, butcher, baker, and candlestick maker. But never exterminator, because I do NOT do bugs of any kind.

I've come to realize that I need nothing more in life than...
fresh air, sunshine, clouds, rain, a body of water to float around in, clean sheet days, $1 bets, a good (to me)glass of wine, cheese, my dog, chapstick, a good night's sleep, The Aunt, a good pen, good friends, a comfortable dress, eyeshadow primer (thanks for the tip Jmom), gum to blow bubbles, my iTouch, my favorite pillow, and a fourth-grade hug now and then.

All that to say I have everything I need in life.

I've come to realize that I lost my mind...
and would be on a fool's errand if I set out to find it. I simply embrace the crazy and try my best not to scare small children.

I've come to realize that I hate...
impoliteness, rude behavior, immaturity, and idiots. I've also come to realize that this list could go on and on. And on.

I've come to realize that money...
is not something I handle particularly well. Not bad enough to get myself into trouble, but not well enough to do some of the things I want to do with it.

I've come to realize that certain people...
seem to get everything they ever wanted, and everything works out for them. Life's just not like that for me, and I'm okay with it.

I've come to realize that I'll always remember...
my mother beating the crap out of my leg with a hairbrush when I was 17- and how much I deserved it. A few first kisses here and there. The first time I met George, and the look on his face when he told me that no, he was not going to marry me. How I felt when I walked into the first classroom that was truly mine. Waking up on the floor of the youth room and realizing he'd been watching me sleeping the whole time. The first time I set foot in Guatemala City. Turning 30 while cleaning bathrooms at an adult orphanage in Mexico. When he said those mean, nasty things to me and about me. The day I picked out an eleven day old dog that is snoring next to me seven years later.

I've come to realize that my sibling...
is not as big of an idiot as I thought she was. She's still extremely melodramatic and immature, and at times
annoying, but she's been able to graduate from college and function in the real world for longer than I'd expect.

I've come to realize that my mom...
is a strong woman, even if she is getting crazier every day. She lost her husband and her mother within six months of each other, and at only 30 years old. That explains a whole lot of things about her life and how she relates to me, even if she does drive.me.bonkers.

I've come to realize that my dad...
is a hell of a lot more fun after two margaritas. And much more fun now than he was when I was a kid. Not because I'm an adult now, but moreso because he's not the complete a$$&^#* he was when I was younger.

I've come to realize that my cell phone...
does not need to be an iPhone, but it would be pretty fun if it was. My productivity would plummet, though.

I've come to realize when I woke up this morning...
that the stress I'm under now with the start of school is quite evident by the state of my nails and my skin. My skin thinks that I'm a thirteen year old girl again, and my fingernail breakage is directly proportionate to the number of hours I've spent in my classroom.

I've come to realize that last night...
was not what I wanted but definitely what I needed.

I've come to realize that right now I'm thinking about...
an upcoming post, some poeple I met last night and today, that I've been watching a lot of baseball today, some issues God and I are working on lately, and the bite of ice cream that I ate a little bit ago (wishing there was more).

I've come to realize that today...
was a really good Saturday.

I've come to realize that tonight...
is perfect. Fresh and clean from a day on the lake, baseball game on, cleaning up my space to make it a little more livable in the upcoming days when collapse is imminent, and an early bedtime in lieu of an early morning alarm.

I've come to realize that tomorrow...
needs to be extremely productive, since today was not. And there is an apartment that desperately needs to be cleaned. And there is a nap that will have to be had.

I've come to realize that I really want to...
give my parents grandchildren. My dad wants them, and would be so good with them. And my mother would still be crazy, but she'd love them more than any other grandmother loved them. And The Aunt would do a wonderful job of Aunt-ing them. Better than any other Aunt in all the world.

I've come to realize that my children...
are only mine for a few months out of a year, and they are not biologically mine, but I will protect them and love them and fight with and for them with all I have. Which is why, at the end of my days the cause of death will be listed as "teaching fourth grade".

I've come to realize that this weekend...
was a gift I didn't plan and wasn't expecting, once I got past that I didn't plan it and wasn't expecting it. It was about balance, living in the moment, embracing what is important, and relaxing my controlling impulses.

I've come to realize that the best music to listen to when I'm upset is...
Mraz. Pearl Jam's. A Fine Frenzy. Mat Kearney.

I've come to realize that my friends...
get me like none others do. And that I've only really known how to be friends for about three years now, and I'm still learning.

I've come to realize that this year...
is not what I thought it would be. I'm not happy about it, but I'm okay with it. I have no choice, do I?

I've come to realize my husband...
may just be a figment of my imagination. I hope to Gawd I am wrong.

I've come to realize maybe I should...
go to bed now because I have to get up in ten hours, I'm exhausted, and I haven't slept more than six hours in days. My eyes are closing as I type this.

I've come to realize that I really don't understand...
politics, hockey, the offsides call in soccer, this sweltering summer weather we're having, geometric proofs, the game of Risk (even though my kiddoes play it relentlessly), how people can enjoy drinking black coffee, and why anyone would go to Florida State University.

I've come to realize parties...
are fun if I was planning them or am allowed to be in charge of them. It's an issue I'm working on.

I've come to realize my past...
is my past. It shaped who I am, and I'm glad for it, but it is over and the most important thing to do is keep moving forward. Even the recent past that's so fresh and a little hard to swallow.