Monday, February 21, 2011

just send me a list and I'll make it a spree

Whoa. First things first. Comments = closed. And, again, if you see me in real life... I don't want to talk about it.

I had another run-in with The Father.

Luckily, I did not have direct access to my computer or any blogging capabilities immediately, because I would have written a scathing letter to my father using all sorts of curse words. Even some cuss words. Definitely some words that started with F.

And, might I take this moment to mention that while I did not partake in the mary jane in high school or college, just this evening I discovered that had I done so, my mother never would have caught on. After moments of fighting back tears, one fake sneeze was all it took to convince her that my allergies were, like, totally bothering me, and that's why my eyes were all bloodshot and watery. And all she did was believe me and offer me some allergy medicine. (That's the beauty of having a mother that acts like Scarlett O'Hara when the bad stuff comes around. Maybe if we don't talk about it, it will just go away. Okay.)

I decided needed to go to The Parents' house to print something out before YL. I changed clothes, and lamented about the size of my stomach in my mirror, but I can't get lipo in under twenty minutes in my living room, and therefore had no choice but to put my big girl jeans on and go with it.

I went to get my printed papers, and once again The Father mentions that  I "need to do something about that tummy. You're losing your girly shape." I just went with the typical game plan- agree with a blank affect and not give him the satisfaction of seeing me upset. I grabbed my printed papers, got some spaghetti that The Mother was shoving my way and got the hell out of Dodge.

(Insert multiple F-bombs and quite a few some choked back tears here.)

I was very fortunate in the fact that I was headed to YL, and took the long way there to get the tears cleared from my eyes. We've restructured YL, and what used to be a whipping to me is now such a fun, sweet time. I witnessed some epic ping pong battles, a perch vs. piranha argument, and heard my friend talk about Jesus. That put me in a much better mood, and took most of the f-words out of this post.

If I get into more of the feelings behind this, I will start crying again, and while I'm safe in my apartment, I'm trying not to let the words have power, and to make my heart stop hurting, and just remember what God thinks. And what Jesus would do right now. (And if you ask me, I think Jesus would go backslap his ass for being mean to me. But I'm just speculating here.)

I texted both the BFF and the Aunt mentioning that they might want to watch for me on the evening news as I might attempt to off my father this evening. The Aunt asked if I needed backup, and the BFF mentioned that she would come visit me in prison, but could she give me a few more names to take care of while I was at it?

I told her to just send me a list and I'll call it a spree...


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