Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Get excited. It's letter time.

I'm back in the swing of getting ready to go back to school, and so my head is spinning and my mind is going in a bunch of different directions.

Instead of an incoherent post, I thought I'd throw out some letters for you.

First and foremost:

Dear Satan,
We are sorry for whatever we did, but please take your weather back. We're not going to hell in a handbasket. We're there.
The South

Dear Fingernails,
I'm sorry, but when I broke two of you in the first hour that I was in the classroom, so the rest of you had to go. I'm going to try to grow you back before school starts or at least slap a coat of polish on you before school starts. Sorry...
The Teacher You Work For

Dear Bulletin Board,
I will be the boss of you tomorrow. You will come out looking fantastic if it kills me. (And it just might.) You will be the envy of all of the Fourth Grade- no... the whole school. You. just. wait.
The Boss of You

Dear Nurse Practitioner,
Thank you for seeing me while my doctor had some sort of emergency. You're an acute diagnostician (yay! a virus!) but your laugh Enough to make me want to be un-funny, which is pretty much unheard of for me.
Creeped Out on the Patient's Cot

Dear Lady in the Bathroom in Target:
You answered the phone while in the bathroom at Target. Listen, you may have been in between the business and the flush, but I wasn't, and I didn't appreciate you talking on the phone and knowing that someone on the other end may or may not have heard me taking care of my business. Seriously. Eew.
Three Stalls Down

Dear Parent in Target,
Shortly after my awkward and wave and such, I realized that the class lists are not out yet and you do not know that your daughter is in my class. So, I pretty much looked like an idiot making small talk and so, I'm sorry for that.
Awkward on Aisle Four

Dear Target,
You're killing me, Smalls.I took a little stroll down your dollar spot, and everything was orange and blue- more specifically tangerine and turquoise. I don't know why I need the wire baskets and the orange bucket and the turquoise bucket, but I did. I needed them. Stop tempting me to buy your stuff, dollar or not.
Dollar-less in Dallas-ish

Who's on your letter list lately?

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