Monday, May 05, 2014

I have wheels. On my feet. {part one}

Tonight is derby practice, and I haven't been in two weeks, so it's gonna hurt. 
I've been making references here and there, and have told people in real life that I'm on a derby team, so it's probably time I tell you, my blog readers (both of you), my tales of derby. 
Roller, not Kentucky. 

I had initially not intended to write about this unless I was writing a serious, thought-filled post, because this is something I'm taking very seriously. I took it very very seriously. And it was awful. 

I'm not good at derby. At all. Some nights, I'm easily the worst one there. 

But one thing that derby emphasizes (or at least the people I'm working with) is to remember where you started. So, even though I'm sometimes the worst person there, I'm still better than I was in February. And that's all that's important. 

I know some of you are all "derby? what what?" 
So I thought I would give you a little glimpse into the first few practices of derby:

At first, you think you're going to be cute and awesome on skates. 
You're hilarious. {Tina Fey- hilarious}
You're super cute {girl-on-roller-skates-cute}
You're going to have so much fun. 
Two months in, I look at this and think
"OMG! She's on skates without any protective gear!
This is not acceptable!"
You put in a mouth guard for the first time in ever:
You finally get a pair of loaner skates on. 
Bonus if the only chair you can find to sit on 
while putting them on is a pink polka dot wheelchair. 
You stand up and see if the new skates will work. 
You try to move from the gear area to the track,
 where everyone is doing their warm up laps. 
Despite the fact that you were totally rad on the rink in the 80's, 
it's been roughly 30 years since you tried to put on a pair 
of skates and move around an ovular track. 
So after warm-up, you are beginning to rethink your decision.
And your entire existence. 
Then, after your "warm-up", when you've decided against faking an injury , 
you get to learn skills and do practice drills. Which looks like this over and over
and over and over and over. 
 Sometimes, when you go to the water fountain,
 you get caught having to cross a bunch of experienced skaters.  
It's very scary.
Then, after the workout is over, you get a glance at yourself in the rear view mirror as you drive away, and you realize that you are more drenched than you have ever been before.
(And if you're like me and wear a bandana and two long braids-
you also bear a striking resemblance to a beardless Willie Nelson)
And then, finally. FINALLY! 
you learn how to do something. 
And you want to do it over and over again!
Unfortunately, I learned the hard way that just because you learned to do something at one practice, that  is in no way any indication that you will ever be able to do it again. 

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