Saturday, January 03, 2015

She's possibly going to the chapel, and she might get married.

**In the interest of trying to post as much as possible on the few days left that I have time during the day to post, I wanted to get something up today. And since I have 12 different drafts started, I thought I'd pick one and finish it. And this one is very timely. 

No. I'm not talking about me.
In the slightest.

I've started this post a dozen times in my head, and now that I'm sitting down to write it, I can't think of all of the clever and downright witty things I was going to say.

Since as long as I can remember, I have been praying, begging, and pleading God for a husband. I've continued to live my life even though one hasn't been made available. I've grieved for the loss of getting married and having children young, and for the idea of a big family with lots of children running around. I have grieved for the fact that I have not given my parents grandchildren, because despite their many flaws as parents, they will be amazing grandparents.

I never stop asking, because I know God doesn't tire of hearing my pleas and my requests. Well, maybe He tires of hearing it, but He loves me in such a way that He wants to hear what's on my heart and my mind, even if it is the same thing over and over again. I think about it and dream about it and wish for it.

Except for lately. Lately, it's been a little bit different. Do you want to know the one thing that will change a 37-year-old girl's prayers away from the only thing she's ever wanted?

The impending engagement of her 11-years-younger little sister.

My sister moved in with her boyfriend, because they are totally going to get married.
And then they went looking at rings.
And shit got real.

This new development didn't change the fact that I would like a husband (pretty please, with sugar on top. And a cherry.) That prayer remains constant, and will probably do so until the day I die, as I don't see it happening ever. (See also: And still, He is good.)

My new prayer- the new constant thought in the back of my head at the very mention of my sister getting married- is that I handle it well for her. That I handle it with grace and dignity and genuine happiness for my sister. That I not do anything that would take away from her joy during this time.

I'm trying, and I think it's going okay so far, but the engagement itself hasn't happened yet, and even so... it is not easy.

The thing that makes it hard is not just that she's getting something I want, but also because she and I are two diametrically opposing people, night and day, and quite often, we just don't get along. We do not see eye-to-eye.  We have been able to be peaceful family members mostly because we both realize that the other one is probably trying their best, and we just try to go from there.

(It should be noted that I tried twice to type things about my sister just now but deleted them, because in print, without context, they just make me sound petty and condescending {which I am sometimes} and defeat the purpose of what I'm trying to do- which is handle her engagement well.)

The ring has now been bought, and it's just waiting to come into the store, so he can pick it up and propose. I'd like to say I haven't shed a tear over the whole thing, but I'd be lying (since I'm tearing up just writing this little bit). But that's what late nights alone in my apartment are for.

Part of answered prayer is perspective, and that's how God's answered this prayer so far. This guy is good for my sister, since he can joke about her and handle her ordering him around. He's also so far from my type of guy (see also: kinda boring, bless his heart). But, he makes her happy and lets her live the kind of life she likes to live, and I think they're a good pair.

So, I'll let you know when he finally pops the question, and since she wants a big, perfect, ideal wedding- complete with her sister as a bridesmaid- I'm sure there will be many stories to come on this topic.


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