Saturday, November 07, 2015

Joshua Judges her Ruth-lessly

Things with the boy{space}friend are not what I'd like right now.
This {space}friend thing is HARD, and I'm not really experienced at it, and it's just hard to figure out.

But that's not what this is about.

While I was wondering about analyzing something from the b{s}f, I got a message over my group app.

In the middle of a torrential downpour, complete with tornado warning, a derby sister told me a secret- one that is life-changing and hit her like a ton of bricks.

She apologized profusely for "bothering" me.
She said she didn't have anyone to talk to.
She said everyone else she knew would judge her.

After checking to make sure she wasn't going to hurt herself, I did the best I could to give her advice, despite the fact that I have exactly zero experience in this general area.

The thing that struck me was this: she wasn't bothering me at all- I had messaged her just two days before thanking her for cheering me up when I was having a crappy night.

And despite what she thought in the middle of this trauma, she did have lots of others to talk to, and absolutely none of them would have judged her.

But she picked me. And I'm honored.

For all intents and purposes, I never know if I'm doing anything right. It's the nature of teaching (much like motherhood- I ask myself- am I screwing up my children?), and it's the nature of everything else in my life.

Am I doing the right thing with the b{s}f?
Am I doing the right thing with derby (the answer is always no- I could be doing more to get myself better prepared)?
Am I doing the right thing by my family and friends?

But for once, I think I'm getting the message that at least, in one little relationship, I'm doing the right thing- being the right person.

The thing is- everyone is judgmental. You say you're not judgmental? Let's you and I go to Walmart at 9pm on a school night and then we'll revisit this topic, mkay? And I will be the first to admit that I'm judgmental. But here's the kicker:

I can't let my judgment of you affect how I treat you. That's my endgame. No matter what I think of you, I cannot let my feelings affect how I treat you, because that's not what Jesus would want. And in this situation- honestly I wouldn't/don't judge her because I don't know how I would act or what I would do... I'm just as confused as she is right now.

But I feel like when she reached out to me it was my little reminder that, above all else, I must be doing something a little bit right.

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