More on being single. Paul said that there were gifts and benefits to being single. There are. But like any situation, there are good and there are bad, and there are downright yucky. Aside from the "being available for the Lord's work" stuff, here's a sprinkling of my ideas on the ups and downs of the single thing:
The Good:
* My time is exactly that. My time. If I want to sit in front of the television and watch an entire afternoon of movies back-to-back, it's my choice.
* The covers are all mine. Unless I invite one of my cousins to bunk with me, in which case none of the covers are mine and I can almost expect to wake up with someone's foot in my kidney.
* If people annoy you, you can go back to your own space. If you are mad at your best friend, you can go back to your house or at least your own room and shut the door and be mad. Or you can just go hide out at Starbucks like I do.
* My money is mine. I typically spend it on what I want to.
* Control of the radio in my car.
The Bad:
* When you need something done or explained that you can't do yourself. For me, it's things like someone to change the tires (which I am now a necessary expert at), someone to help you move something really heavy, or someone to explain holding penalties in the NFL. For men, I'd imagine it's someone to help sew on a button, cook a really good meal, or help navigate the mall at Christmastime.
*Celibacy (hey- I'm just being honest)
* If someone you're eating dinner with has something yummier on their plate, you can't just reach over and help yourself to a bite. That's pretty much a couples only thing.
* Not being able to hear songs like "God Blessed the Broken Road" or being able to watch movies like "The Notebook" without throwing up a little bit in your mouth. (Though I don't think I'd like that song even if I was blissfully married.)
* Married people telling you they wish they were single like you. They don't. Otherwise, they would be single like you.
The Yucky:
* Nightime. Nightime is lonely. Quiet house, quiet life. Lonely
* The Church just doesn't know what to do with you. Most of the time, you just don't fit anywhere. Most churches are working on it, but few are there yet.
*People that put things on you because you're single, therefore implying that you don't have a life and really want to spend your free time doing the things they obviously don't want to be doing.
* Your mother and other well-meaning relatives and acquaintances wondering if you're ever going to find the "right one", and their various different remedies for the "single" disease you have, and the "friend" that they always have that they wish you'd meet.
I'm not complaining. I like my life. Of course, I fully believe it's only for a short time, so I need to enjoy it now, because it will all change soon. Right, God?
P.S. I have one more thought about singleness, then we'll get back to our regularly-scheduled blogging.
being single is way hard.
ReplyDeletei'm with ya.
i'm married and married LATE--
but--
I get the "well meaning" questions about "kids" aaLLL the time. and we don't have them, therefore what is wrong with me? Oh SOMEDAY I'll understand because clearly I can't NOW because I don't have "kids of my own" but SOMEDAY!!!--though I'm around kids--hundreds of them--every day--all day. I know....I know ....I know...
And I get alot dumped on me because "well, you can do it..you don't have KIDS AT HOME!!!"
and
"How could you be tired? what do you mean you're BUSY..You don't even have KIIIIIDDDDDDSSSSS!!!"
and at my age (35) "fitting in"--as a "couple" or even just another woman my age is verrry hard because I know few if any people in my particular boat. married /no kids. e.g... the women my age are so into their kids its hard to find a common thread.
a "marrieds" class at church is more like a "family" class because any social function it ties to(where the hope is for couple-like friendships to develop) winds up being focused on everyone's kids running around... and what their kids "do" and when they "had" them and what that was like...and when they're thinking of "having" the "next" one...what their kids are "eating" and "saying" and all that goes with that and ...blah blah blah.
All in all not a bad thing, we just have a hard time finding things in common where the rubber meets the road. Most couples in our age group are deeply steeped in their children and family and that is the FOCUS. And I do mean focus.
I guess that's "normal". yeah, that's hard. and sometimes annoying.
And I love kids, but they're not on our radar. and that's not necessarily our choice.
But that's where god's got us right now.
Not trying to minimize your "yuckies" just wanted to identify with you with one of my own!
Thanks for letting me SHARE!
I think I need a Starbucks. Yeah, great idea.
I understand. Most churches have this vision of "norm", and if you don't fit into it, they don't know what to do with you.
ReplyDelete