I even wore lipstick

So, I met the boy for coffee. He seemed nice. Out of respect for him, that's about all I'll say. He didn't even have a freaky tattoo, but he did love him some jewelry.


I didn't laugh. He seemed very nice and was very introverted, so there wasn't much room for any sarcasm, and since sarcasm is pretty much my love language, I knew it probably wouldn't work out.


The highlight of my evening was when my favorite children's pastor, his wife (my almost-sister) and their little one Rainbow Brite walked by the window. I had told a few people where the meeting would take place, and they said they "might stop by." If you know me at all, you know my response to that would be "bring it on, the more the merrier!" That's how I roll.


No fireworks. No fizzles. No lighters. Nuttin'. But I'm okay with that. I've got a lot going on right now, and that's enough for me.

Oh, and yes. I was at Blockbuster this evening, looking like white trash. I remembered after I put my pajamas on that tomorrow is reward movie day. So I threw the dog in the car and headed out to find a G-rated movie. Which is not easy. And will be no doubt met with extreme grumbling tomorrow.

I want

Tomorrow night, I meet the boy. This is not the first time I've done this, and I doubt it will be the last. I'm not nervous or neurotic yet, but I'm quite sure I will be come 6ish tomorrow.

I want him to be cute. I know it's superficial, but I do.
I want him to make me laugh.
I want to make him laugh.
I want him to be charming.
I want to charm him.
I want him to think I'm pretty.

I want him to want me, and I want to want him.

But as the Rolling Stones say, "You Can't Always Get What You Want"
(but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.)

We'll see how tomorrow goes.

A Reappearance

So, I’d pretty much blown off the eHarmony guy.

I was awful and just never emailed him back. And he kept coming, being understanding, and pursuing. His final email said something along the lines of “I hope I didn’t scare you off. I’d still love to talk some more.” And yes, he spelled love ‘lov’. Have I mentioned that I’m a grammar snob? But I never responded. Because sometimes even I can be an immature 19-year-old.

Well, on Wednesday, I checked my email, and guess who wants to be my new Facebook friend?

Oh, the thoughts that leaves in my head….

First of all, I don’t think I’ve ever drawn anything out this long in my whole entire life! This has gone on since Thanksgiving. And he’s still here. And he’s still pursuing me. I just don’t know what to do.

Then, I was complaining to God about how this guy just came out of nowhere again. Out of nowhere, and now I have this “problem” to deal with on top of everything else. And then God reminded me that on Sunday, when I scanned the sanctuary looking at the absence of single men, I had asked God “Could we just start over and could you just send me someone out of nowhere to come for me?” Yep. Exact phrase I used with God, and exact phrase I used when complaining about this guy. So I looked at God, asked a few more questions, and then began playing out the whole thing in my head, with a lovely little Christmastime wedding (long story) as the culmination of a beautiful courtship. Have I mention that I tend to get a bit ahead of myself at times?

When I finally gave it some thought, I decided that if Tim Tebow were to email me and pursue me with horrible grammar as if he were writing me a text or an instant message, well…I’d probably still want to bear his children and generally be his love slave, so the least I could do is give this guy a chance.

But I’m not interested in drawing this out any longer.

So I emailed him:
Hello Facebook friend!

I'm well. It's been a crazy week here. My BF had a baby on Wednesday.

I know this is a bit forward, but I'm not going to be good getting to know on internet. Should we just meet in person?

Let me know...
Jennifer

We’ll see where this leads…

Silent Night and a Grammar Snob

December Day 3...Silent Night. I titled it that because that was the theme at church. I didn't take a picture, because it would be of the kids, and I don't post their pictures. But I do post their artwork. One little goldilocks always makes something for me on Wednesday nights, so I put it on my page. What is it? Who knows? It is a bunch of cut up scraps of notebook paper glued together, with "Miss Jinifur" on it. Can't beat that...

On another note, I mentioned eharmony a few posts ago. I signed up for the weekend, and had one interested person. I wasn't sure then if I'd email him or not. I did. On a Monday. And then I heard nothing. I'll admit, I was okay with it. It's so easy to write it off when they don't email back.

But then he did email back. And I responded, as did he again. So the ball was in my court. I was (still am) hesitant, unsure. For several reasons. I don't like his emails grammatically. I know it sounds ridiculous, but if I wanted to read long run-on sentences, I'd ask my fourth graders to write something for me. And if I wanted to read text-language (how r u?) I'd email my sister. And he keeps telling me that I'm cute and sweet, but he's only seen one picture of me, and I don't think of myself as "sweet". Don't know why...just don't. So I didn't email him back. I was just going to let it fade.

But he emailed me last night. Actually, at about 1am this morning. And he apologized for being "distant" but that work was busy. And he said he was still interested in chatting with me. And I can't ignore that. He apologized to me even though it was my fault. That's good character that I can't ignore. So I emailed him back, honestly telling him I was unsure about this whole thing and asking a few more questions for him to answer.

So, I'm giving it all another chance. After all, he does know who Eric Hutchinson is. And that says something.

Weekend Thoughts on eHarmony

First, a pop quiz...
What's worse than going to the grocery store while hungry?
Going to Sam's while hungry. You end up with some random stuff. Like bacon wrapped filet things that don't come out of the package looking anything like what's on the front of the package. Or off the George Foreman Grill. Such is life.

But I digress...This weekend was a free communication weekend for eHarmony.
I thought I was taking a little tour, but I quickly realized I was filling out the whole profile and was not in fact ever going to get these 25 minutes of my life back. So I thought I'd go with it for the weekend while it's free. Because I'm not signing up for it again. I'd like to pay off debt, not incur more.

I am still very wishy-washy on the whole internet dating thing. I tried a couple of different sites when I first moved out here, eHarmony included, and nothing really worked out. I still don't think I like eHarmony, though. "eHarmony matches you based on compatibility in the most important areas of life - like values, character, intellect, sense of humor, and 25 other dimensions."

I'm just not sure if I'd agree with their ways of matching things up. See, some of my good good friends are no surprise to anyone. People know we'd be friends. But some of my friends are nothing like me and I cherish that part of it. We see things differently, and that makes me a better person. I guess I just don't like the idea of ruling someone out simply because they don't fit a certain set of criteria.

But, one of the guys wants to communicate with me. I still haven't decided if I want to communicate with him or not. I don't have to decide tonight. And I did start the year off agreeing to say yes to more things. I don't know...

Things that make my world go round:
- the kids today that weren't being spoiled little jerks (and it's not a lot)
- milk and cookies
- the Sword and the Stone and a project to keep me from pity-partying it
- knowing that I'm only teaching for 1/2 day tomorrow

I'm saving myself for marriage, and I'll use force if necessary.

That title is from one of my favoritest movies, and is in response to the uproar in the news about a preacher in the area challenging his congregants to have sex with their spouses for 7 days in a row. As a single person, I'd be a little annoyed if that's what my preacher said from the pulpit. Does the church have stuff to say about it, yes. From the pulpit? I dunno...

I had different plans for this weekend, you know.
Tonight, I have a ticket to hear Donald Miller speak. But I missed it, because my friend's birthday celebration was tonight. I'm even having to miss part of that due to the fact that my brain is trying to leak out of my right nostril, and when I blow my nose the room starts spinning.

Tomorrow, I have a ticket to hear Francis Chan speak, as well as Matt Chandler. But at the rate my brain is leaking out of my nostrils, I'm probably going to miss those as well.

I'm up way past my bedtime, but when I lay down I can't breathe, and breathing seems to be a necessity for my life, so here I am. It's going to be a long weekend, and not in a good way.

And I wish you could see Daisy sitting all melancholy-like at the patio door, alternatingly whining and grumbling because I won't let her out. Because she's been out 47 million times. Tonight.

Here Goes Nothing (or Possibly Everything)

*Updated to add:
Nice guy. No love connection.
That's all.

Tonight I am having coffee with "the friend." The friend that I agreed to go on a group date with, but who has pursued me and convinced me to have coffee with him tonight. Here goes nothing...

My thoughts about tonight:
- what in the world am I going to wear?
- why didn’t I suggest dinner instead of coffee? Yes, there’s less pressure with coffee, but dinner has a distinctive beginning and end, which is a bonus if we don’t hit it off.
- This guy looks pretty good on paper, but what if there’s no chemistry? I’m a big needer of the chemistry in a relationship.
- What if he asks for my phone number and I don’t want to give it to him?
- What if he asks to kiss me and I don’t want to? (Okay, that one’s kind of easy. It’s a no-go no matter how awkward it makes me feel…)
- Why am I obsessing about this when I should be entering grades and figuring out what I’m going to be teaching next?
- How late am I going to be up having to call all the people I have to call to give the post-date report?!
- Why did I agree to this?!


And well, there's a lot more than that running through my head. But I'm all in it now. I just hope I can be all there...

Here We Go Again

Funny enough, I was just thinking last night about writing a post about being single and what I am looking for in a guy/boyfriend/mate. Am still gonna write it, but…

This morning, before school even starts, I get a phone call from the Peace Corps Queen (PCQ). A little background: She has a friend (who surprisingly enough was not in the Peace Corps). The friend has a husband, who has a friend at work.

You can see where this is going.

A while back, we headed out to celebrate the PCQ’s birthday, and heard the best 80’s new wave band ever. Well, I guess I made an impression, because a few days ago, the husband approached PCQ about her friend. You know. Her friend. The one that he met that one time. You know. When we went to the place to hear the band. Yeah…that friend.

Well, he’s got a friend at work, and he was thinking maybe he should set her friend (me) up with that friend. So, here we go again.

I just hope the PCQ is ready to marry this guy. See, the last two times a single girl tried to set me up with someone, they both married the guy about a year later. I went to one’s wedding, and the other one’s son’s baptism. In the Greek Orthodox church. Which was weird. And long. Shouldn’t have worn heels.

But I digress. PCQ talked to her friend, who talked to her husband, who talked to the guy, and then they did that in reverse order, and now everyone seems to be on board with the whole thing. So the PCQ was calling to ask me if I was still interested and if I wanted to do it as a group outing or as a traditional, completely-blind date. Um, group date please.

So, in two weekends, I’m going to meet a guy. He’s older and divorced and has a kid, but as my aunt says “Beggars can’t be choosers, so smile pretty and act nice.” But I’m open to anything. I haven’t been on a date in four years. Yes, four years. And while the last two or three guys I’ve met have chosen someone else over me, at some point someone is going to have to choose me. I’m not going to pin my hopes on this one, but I’m not going to go into this one as I do the others…expecting failure and rejection.

I’m going to smile and act nice. And of course I’ll let ya’ll all know how it goes!

Why?

Why do we always think rationally after the encounter?

I was at dinner with my aunt, and across the restaurant (or three tables over) was my dear sweet friend and reigning title-holder of Funniest Person I Know. But he was with his whole family, and they seemed to be really enjoying their dinner, and for some reason I couldn't bring myself to walk over to the table and interrupt. Did I mention that it was a he?

So, I spend the evening trying not to stare, and trying to keep my aunt from walking over there, after she has already tried to pimp me out to the waitor, who, might I add, doesn't exactly play for the right team, and in the end, I end up leaving without him even knowing I was there, all because I didn't want to interrupt his little family time, because he was with his whole entire family.

And, then, we get to the car, and I think up at least two or three different non-invasive ways I could have said a quick "hi" and let my presence be known.

Ugh. Stupid. Kicking myself all the way home...

One More Thing Today...

You may notice the nice little ticker on my page, marking a very important event in my life. Florida Football kicks off in 28 days. 28 days PEOPLE! There will be shouting from rooftops and dancing in streets! Prepare yourselves now!

An explanation of the ticker. Apparently the only people that use these ticker things are people with nothing better to celebrate than a birth or a wedding or some other trivial little non-football related dalliance (get a life people!), so there was nothing even remotely footballish to use, so I used the green grass to represent Florida Field, and since the little babies they gave me to chose from have nothing to do with Florida Football other than that the Gators send their opponents home crying like little girly-men, I used the pink shoe because, well, it's pink and I'm still technically a girl and although I would never wear a heel that size without tripping down and falling, it's still a smidgeony representation of me.

We're ranked #3 in the pre-season USA Today Coach's Poll, and Urban Meyer's signed on for another season (I don't want to talk about it) and we now get to see a lot more Tim Tebow, and I'm so excited I just can't stand it and you should be too!

Sidenote: I can tell you the exact number of days until college football season starts, and tonight I have watched bits of both the Hall of Fame induction ceremony and The Godfather, and I think the best gift of all is tickets to a sporting event, yet I'm still single why? Somebody enlighten me.

Will you defeat them, your demons?

I went to Blockbuster tonight for the standard chick flick. I've been lagging in the ridiculous romantic comedy as of late, so I thought I'd get the new Jennifer Garner or Drew Barrymore movies, which are sure to feed right into my "want to be in love in a movie" tendencies. They were both all rented out, so I picked up Come Early Morning. This is an exceptional film. It won the Grand Jury Prize at Sundance. I just discovered it came out on DVD on my birthday. And it's no coincidence that it takes place in North Little Rock, where a lot of my demons grew their strongest and did the most damage. I may have to own it. Or just not return it to Blockbuster, and let them charge me for it.

I loved so many things about this movie. I identified with the self-destructive Lucy, with whom I share many a demon. I loved Cal, the guy of the film, (because doesn't every film have a guy?)But the thing about this film, and this guy, is that he fought for the girl. Literally and figuratively. He fought for her. He helped her fight her demons.

I have so many demons, and it gets so exhausting fighting them on my own. I know I have to. Even in the movie, she had to handle her demons on her own. I have to face them on my own, in the light of the reality of God. And I'm getting there. Really, I am. It was just such a lovely notion that he would go there with her and fight them with her. And I can't help but want someone to fight mine with me. And fight for me.

But even if no one shows up, and it's just me, I will defeat them. My demons.

You Complete Me

I couldn't throw out my views on completeness if I didn't use the cheeeeesy line from Jerry McGuire. I'd be breaking the laws of the Geneva convention or something important like that. (And again: my disclaimer. I am not theologian, and I only speak from experience, and I could be way off base, and more than likely God and Jesus and the Spirit are up there having a good laugh at me, whether it be for my thoughts on this matter or for some other laughable part of my thought processes).

That said... Another true but often confusing thing about being single: We are to be complete in Christ. Complete without our significant other. But at the same time, there's that part in Genesis that says that it is not good for man to be alone so He created Eve for Adam. Conflicting messages.

Here's how I make sense of it all: Christ died on the cross for our sins. He paid the price for us. Fundamentally, we need Christ and that is all. Jim Elliot said something along the lines of the fact that we put our whole eternity in His trust, so why do we worry about anything else? He has made everything right for us. So, as Christians, in that respect, we are complete in Christ.

But what were we created for, and what about Adam and Eve, and what does that have to do with completeness? God created us to worship and glorify Him. Worship can most certainly be done alone, and often is. Glorifying Him almost shouldn't be done alone.

He created me, and a relationship that He puts together and blesses will glorify Him, and in that I find my completion. My completion comes, not in a mate, but in being in a God-glorifying relationship, be it with a romantic partner, or teaching a new game to my AWANA kids, or sitting in a car with my senior girls discussing that very thing- relationships.

Like the "remaining single" thing, the "complete" thing is often misunderstood. There's 'complete' as in 'whole', and that's true of Christ. He resolved everything for us when He died on the cross. But the 'complete' that is 'fulfilling it's purpose', that's done when we're in God-glorifying relationships. As singles, we should have those relationships outside of romantic relationships, or we aren't really fulfilling our purpose.

Of course, one of the most prominent God-glorifying relationships is that of the marraige relationship, because God used that metaphor to show the relationship between Jesus and the Church. I think that's why we long for it so much.

And, again. I could be all wrong. Just my thoughts...

The Good, The Bad, and The Yucky

More on being single. Paul said that there were gifts and benefits to being single. There are. But like any situation, there are good and there are bad, and there are downright yucky. Aside from the "being available for the Lord's work" stuff, here's a sprinkling of my ideas on the ups and downs of the single thing:

The Good:
* My time is exactly that. My time. If I want to sit in front of the television and watch an entire afternoon of movies back-to-back, it's my choice.
* The covers are all mine. Unless I invite one of my cousins to bunk with me, in which case none of the covers are mine and I can almost expect to wake up with someone's foot in my kidney.
* If people annoy you, you can go back to your own space. If you are mad at your best friend, you can go back to your house or at least your own room and shut the door and be mad. Or you can just go hide out at Starbucks like I do.
* My money is mine. I typically spend it on what I want to.
* Control of the radio in my car.

The Bad:
* When you need something done or explained that you can't do yourself. For me, it's things like someone to change the tires (which I am now a necessary expert at), someone to help you move something really heavy, or someone to explain holding penalties in the NFL. For men, I'd imagine it's someone to help sew on a button, cook a really good meal, or help navigate the mall at Christmastime.
*Celibacy (hey- I'm just being honest)
* If someone you're eating dinner with has something yummier on their plate, you can't just reach over and help yourself to a bite. That's pretty much a couples only thing.
* Not being able to hear songs like "God Blessed the Broken Road" or being able to watch movies like "The Notebook" without throwing up a little bit in your mouth. (Though I don't think I'd like that song even if I was blissfully married.)
* Married people telling you they wish they were single like you. They don't. Otherwise, they would be single like you.

The Yucky:
* Nightime. Nightime is lonely. Quiet house, quiet life. Lonely
* The Church just doesn't know what to do with you. Most of the time, you just don't fit anywhere. Most churches are working on it, but few are there yet.
*People that put things on you because you're single, therefore implying that you don't have a life and really want to spend your free time doing the things they obviously don't want to be doing.
* Your mother and other well-meaning relatives and acquaintances wondering if you're ever going to find the "right one", and their various different remedies for the "single" disease you have, and the "friend" that they always have that they wish you'd meet.

I'm not complaining. I like my life. Of course, I fully believe it's only for a short time, so I need to enjoy it now, because it will all change soon. Right, God?

P.S. I have one more thought about singleness, then we'll get back to our regularly-scheduled blogging.

On Being Single

I've been thinking lately about being single. One of my growth group girls told me on Sunday that she wants me to get married soon so she can be in my wedding. (Two other leaders recently got married, and their girls got to be in the weddings). My students ask me all the time why I don't just get married. I ask them if they know anyone. They're seven, so they just shrug.

This other blog I read was asked about the benefits of being single. I have lots of thoughts on being single. I've been doin' it awhile. As a single Christian, I've heard a lot of sermons and read a lot of books. I have a lot of thoughts.

I once had a single adult minister that was so focused on being complete in God, and nurturing the single life and such, that she was almost millitant about it. We were never encouraged to talk about marriage, and I always felt guilty that I wanted to get married some day. That was a time when it was hard to be single.

Since I wasn't getting any direction from her, I went straight to the Source. I asked Him if I would ever get married, and in His own way, He said yes. So, I know that He told Abraham that he would be the father of many nations and told Noah that he would never wipe out the human race again, and He kept those promises, so I know He's going to keep the one He made to me.

So, I go from there. Paul says a lot about being single. It's good stuff, but it's often misinterpreted. He says if you're single, it's a gift, and it's from God, and you should stay single. But us single people, especially the older ones like me, we get this message that maybe we're supposed to stay single. And that's so discouraging. I mean, here's this one thing that we want more than everything, that, lots of other people get, and we're just supposed to go "oh, okay. I guess I don't get to have that."

I think what Paul's saying is that we should not be focused on being single, but instead, focus on what God's doing for us and with us and through us, and let the rest go. He says in 1 Corinthians 7:34 "a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit." (NLT)

I didn't fully understand this until I met some people that were okay being single, and some people that were not okay being single. I have a couple of single Christian girl acquaintances, and I have gone so far as to ask others in conversation not to put me in the group with these girls. They ooze desperation and even use phrases like "my eggs are shriveling up." That's what Paul's telling all of us not to be.

I am trying to be what Paul talked about. I am trying to focus on the Lord, and I'm doing the best I can. No one is ever focused on the Lord all the time. But I guess if I just don't focus on being single all the time, I guess I'm on the right track.

More to come later...