Dear 1997 Me

There's an interesting exercise going aroung the blogosphere these days called Dear Me. The idea is to write a letter to your own past self. What would you tell yourself, if you could go back in time?

Dear 1997 Me,

You are now 20 years old! There is so much I want to tell you, but above all esle, I want you to know this: Your life is not going to turn out how you expect it to, or even really want it to, but above all else, you are okay. You are loved and blessed and okay. So much is going to happen in the next year, let alone the next 10! Right now, you are a sophomore in college and a sorority girl, and whether you know it or not, you're living a charmed life. Who am I kidding? You know you are living a charmed life!

In September- 6 short months from now- you are going to meet a guy that will change your life. You're going to think he's the One. He's not, but you won't find out all of that for about another year and a half. Now's a good time to say again: you're okay. It's all going to be okay. This September, you're going to fall madly in love with him and he with you. It will be a very sweet year or so. You will be introduced to a lifestyle you are not accustomed to. You won't feel comfortable. You won't ever get comfortable. This will cause a problem for you two and will ultimately break you two up, but don't despair- this is the beginning of you finding out who you are. And you are loved.

You are going to make some choices for and about this time, and those choices are going to cost you a lot, but because of them you will gain your independence. Because of these choices, you will learn to accept the consequences of your actions and learn to take responisbility for your choices and you will leave the ordeal more of a woman. A broken woman, but a woman nonetheless.

I want to warn you about a very dark time ahead. He likes this boy until he finds things out. He is going to say some mean and hateful things to you. He is going to verbalize what you've always thought he felt, and it is going to devastate you. You will be broken again. The thing you don't realize is that it will free you. You will never again seek his approval, because he made it clear that he'll never approve. You don't realize it, but trust me- it frees you. (And he's wrong, by the way. You're not all those things he said you were.) The next ten years are going to be a time of growth.

From 20-23, 3 years, are going to be enormously volatile and life-changing. Then, the next seven years will be spend slowly recovering and letting God show you who you are- His. You haven't been to church in a while, and you're not going to go again for another 4 years or so. Here in the future, I'm going back and forth about whether I think you should have changed that one thing about your life or not. Probably not, because, when you DO finally accept that you're broken and only God can fix you, it's such a meaningful thing. You made a conscious decision to give everything to Him and boy does He reward you! He loves you and He gives you your real life, and your real identity.

I'm writing this just two days before we turn 30. You're not married, and you have no children, and it's a little sad, but only a little. You have a great job and you work with women that really do love you. You have many people in your life that want so many good things for you. Most importantly- you have a beautiful relationship with your Heavenly Father, and it grows better every day. Your life is unfolding more and more each day.

Embrace it.
Love-
Your 2007 self


*Originally written over three days in March, in a little camp just before the Mexico border, where you could watch the sunrise every morning, and smell the orange blossoms every night.