Sometimes change happens slowly, gradually, and over time, and even if it is initially taxing, it is positive and happy and smiley.
Sometimes, it doesn't, and you walk around a corner, and BAM! Life smacks you upside the head, leaving you laying on the floor, not sure which way is up.
Last year at exactly this week (except it was Friday instead of Tuesday), I was telling a friend that I felt like God was telling me to get ready and get prepared for a big change. I was pretty sure He was telling me I would be moving. Of course, as is the usual case when I'm "pretty sure" about a message from God, I was dead wrong, and almost 365 days later, I'm sitting on the same bed in the same room. But God is funny, and I didn't realize that He was giving me a whole year to get used to this big change of moving. Or that He was going to spring it on me with a loud BAM!
Last Tuesday, I did not know that seven days later, I'd be talking with an apartment leasing agent about moving, or I'd be using the phrase "next weekend" when asked when I was looking to move. It's not 100% certain that I will be doing this, but if it is the case, it will be on very short notice. Like, this time next week I will be begging for boxes and calling moving companies. Like BAM!
The thing is, I tend to let things sit, and in my mind I'm planning an A, B, and C, but never take any of the actions until things play themselves out. I don't do things fast, unless it's something minor and spontaneous. But moving is not minor and spontaneous. I don't live in the world of "if" very well, and this sure is one big IF.
The thing that is freaking me out even more is how well it's all coming together in the event that the IF plays out. I always said that when I move, it will be to ABC Apartments. And I would only want to pay no more than $X for rent. And I would have to live on this floor. And now that I'm apparently living moment-to-moment, all of that would have to be available next weekend.
I went today to ABC Apartment. And the only apartment they have is the model I'm looking for, at the exact price I'm looking for, on the floor I want, and it will be available starting next weekend. I'm a little freaked out about this. I believe in signs from God and nudgings from the Holy Spirit, but I also believe that sometimes I start looking for something and am so focused on trying to find it that I turn things into signs. So, I'm not sure.
But next weekend, this blog may have a whole new name, as there's a chance that I won't be living in the guest room anymore...