In Honor of Bubbly Thursday... A Plan...

So, my boss is a prankster.

Example: My coworker got a new car, and the next day there was announcement that a car matching that description was totalled in the parking lot. Yeah, okay.

Everytime he goes to a principal's meeting, he gets bored, and starts calling all of the other principals to see who has left their phone on.

So, we've got plans for him.

They involve this:

and this:

Of Surgery and Sabbatical

What are you doing for the next three weeks?

I'm taking a forced sabbatical. I have trouble saying no, and frequently overload myself. I actually find that I work better when I have lots of things to do. I do not do well with free time. At school, I have about a bazillion days, because I never take a day off. I have never taken a summer off.

But this summer is bigger than it should be (nod to Mikel). So I was able to do all of my church associate stuff, and still have 3 weeks off until I go back to school. I also have this little surgery thing I've been wanting to do for a while. So, tomorrow morning at the ever-loving crack of dawn, I'm going under the knife. But it's not a big deal, and I'll be home by tomorrow afternoon. But, it's gonna take some time to recover. So, I've got to take some time off. I seized an opportunity, and took three weeks off from my life, and five weeks off of church responsibilities on Sunday mornings and evenings. Seriously. I have three weeks of nothing planned.

This is something I've never experienced before. Three. Weeks. With nothing to do. No responsibilities. How am I going to pass the time you ask?

With this (I'm gonna read a few books...):

And this (and maybe catch a movie or two...):

You know you're jealous.

I'm Not Worthy

Don't think of this as a "not worthy of God's grace and love thing." I'm not, but that's not what this is about. Think of it in more of a Wayne-and-Garth-meet-Alice-Cooper kind of way. I discovered today that I am not worthy.

My cell phone is on the national do not call list. So, if you want to sell me a set of Ginsu knives, don't bother my cell. However, a few months ago, I got a peculiar call. It was Fabio. No, seriously. Fabio. Stop laughing! I'm not kidding! Fabio called my cell phone!! I didn't recognize the number, and didn't answer. Don't worry. He left a message. He's very courteous. I saved the message to play to my friends and family just because it was freaking hilarious. Throughout the course of the message, he called me by name and told me that he thought I was beautiful (I bet he says that to everyone), said he knew how hard teaching was and said he thought I could use a break. He then went on to tell me that he would love to take me away to his private mediteranian island and together we could have some toast and neither of us would be able to believe it's not butter. That's when I was pretty sure it was a promotional call. I still saved the message to share with other friends and family, but for whatever reason, never got around to it.

Fast forward to today, when my aunt suspiciously asks me "Hey, did you ever get a phone call from Fabio?" to which I replied "yeah, a while back...did you get one too?"

At which point she laughed. At which point I knew she had done it. And I was not worthy. She is the master (second only to a 70+ year old man at church- different story for a different time) of pranksterness. She's died my dog pink. She's played many a prank on me. She's single-handedly responsible for my humor development. And now, she's arranged Fabio to ring me on my cell and invite me to a private island. I'm not worthy.

Apparently, you can go online here and arrange for Fabio to call your friends and family as well.
My sister should be hearing from Fabio any minute...

Blast From the Past

Whoa nelly. I was signing into blogger, and remembered that about two years ago, I made a first attempt at blogging. I gave it up after what appears to be a month and a half, and promptly forgot the login information, so that when I created this, I had to come up with a whole new everything.

Well, now I remember the information. And was able to access it.
Things I posted about:
- my ex's wedding (obviously not to me)
- a retarded book I was reading about dating
- meeting at work
- a stupid fiction book I was reading that I didn't like but yet, had to finish
- yet another time in which I was pulled over by the police
- the end of a relationship in which I put the guy's stuff in the mail and let the post office give him his crap back
- My mom calling me to tell me about Jeopardy tryouts in the area
- more random thoughts about said relationship
- a crush on the guy at the bookstore (who was probably about 12 years old)
- even more random thoughts about said relationship (I've never said I didn't think things to death)

I had a good laugh at a few of the posts and thoughts and such. And then promptly deleted the sucker lest any traces remain of that time of my life.

Ifs and Signs

Sometimes change happens slowly, gradually, and over time, and even if it is initially taxing, it is positive and happy and smiley.

Sometimes, it doesn't, and you walk around a corner, and BAM! Life smacks you upside the head, leaving you laying on the floor, not sure which way is up.

Last year at exactly this week (except it was Friday instead of Tuesday), I was telling a friend that I felt like God was telling me to get ready and get prepared for a big change. I was pretty sure He was telling me I would be moving. Of course, as is the usual case when I'm "pretty sure" about a message from God, I was dead wrong, and almost 365 days later, I'm sitting on the same bed in the same room. But God is funny, and I didn't realize that He was giving me a whole year to get used to this big change of moving. Or that He was going to spring it on me with a loud BAM!

Last Tuesday, I did not know that seven days later, I'd be talking with an apartment leasing agent about moving, or I'd be using the phrase "next weekend" when asked when I was looking to move. It's not 100% certain that I will be doing this, but if it is the case, it will be on very short notice. Like, this time next week I will be begging for boxes and calling moving companies. Like BAM!

The thing is, I tend to let things sit, and in my mind I'm planning an A, B, and C, but never take any of the actions until things play themselves out. I don't do things fast, unless it's something minor and spontaneous. But moving is not minor and spontaneous. I don't live in the world of "if" very well, and this sure is one big IF.

The thing that is freaking me out even more is how well it's all coming together in the event that the IF plays out. I always said that when I move, it will be to ABC Apartments. And I would only want to pay no more than $X for rent. And I would have to live on this floor. And now that I'm apparently living moment-to-moment, all of that would have to be available next weekend.

I went today to ABC Apartment. And the only apartment they have is the model I'm looking for, at the exact price I'm looking for, on the floor I want, and it will be available starting next weekend. I'm a little freaked out about this. I believe in signs from God and nudgings from the Holy Spirit, but I also believe that sometimes I start looking for something and am so focused on trying to find it that I turn things into signs. So, I'm not sure.

But next weekend, this blog may have a whole new name, as there's a chance that I won't be living in the guest room anymore...

Funk

If you need to get out of a funk, go find a seven year-old and take her to her first Lord's Supper. It will get you out of whatever spiritual funk you are in and make you look at things differently. It did for me.

I think part of my funk is that I've been unstructured for three or four days a week out of the last two weeks. If I don't have a structure to my day, a schedule of events, I get fussy. I start to think about things I don't need to think about in light of the big picture I'm usually looking at. And I start to get grumpy and growly and just moody. Not to other people, mind you. I'm good at wearing the cheerful mask. But under the mask...watch out.

Usually, it doesn't last long, and it didn't this time. But boy, did my brown leather journal get an earful this morning!

I Heart Jane Austen

I read a blog called Rocks in My Dryer, and she linked to this today. Even though I love all things Austen, even I had to admit that it was pretty funny.

I know I'm posting links to things as of late, but I've been in a funk that I will probably explain later, and right now, this is it.

I Liked This

I love reading this guy's blog, and I liked this.

Things To Do When You Go To The Hospital

When going to the hospital for a dear family member's day surgery, here are a few things you can do:

* Make sure the hospital is one of about 8,000,007 (or really, 5) that are in a .05 mile radius of each other, so that you're really not sure where you're supposed to park, much less go after you get out of the car

* When walking through the parking garage with the full knowledge that you have no idea which building is which hospital, and which one you should go in, mutter under your breath "You are a smart and capable woman. You can do this" as people that walk by look at you strangely.

* Thinking that it might be chilly, bring your standard take-to-the-movies-thin-little-jersey jacket. Eventually, sheer desperation will hit in and you will all but scale the walls to find some way to make it not Alaska-esque in the room, only to discover that for the last eight hours it has been literally 58 degrees.

* Naively think that since the surgery is scheduled for 10am, and it's supposed to take an hour, you should be able to see your loved one around noon-one, and be able to head home around 1:30-2ish to take a nap.

* Field calls from all of the other people who love this loved one who thought the same thing.

*Keep putting off eating because you think since you'll be leaving soon, you can pick something up on the way home.

*At 4:30, when you're finally leaving after getting her settled into her room, realize that you have no idea where you parked your car at 8:15 am that morning. Repeat mutterings from above.

*Come home and blog about it. Doesn't everybody do that?

Are You Feeling Lucky?

Unless you live under a rock, you realize that today is 07-07-07. So much hype is being built up about just the weddings alone. I have two different sets of couple friends that are getting married today, though not because of the numbers, but instead because this was the one day they could either get all of their families together, or simply this was the one Saturday that the church was open when they were engaged. Some friends that got married on St. Patrick's Day had the same issue. The only weekend that the church was available.

But I've experienced something similar to all of this hype firsthand. You see, on September 9, 1999 (9-9-99), I was in of all places VEGAS baby! Some other friends were getting married there, and so four of their closest friends flew out there with their significant others (which is how I ended up there) for their wedding. I was the best man's SO. I got to experience the glitz and glamour of a Vegas wedding without actually having to get married there.

The couple we were there to see was getting married the next day, 9-10-99, but we were there a day early for the festivities. There were brides everywhere! Both Jay Leno and David Letterman were roaming the casinos talking to them, and dangit if I wasn't "allowed" to go talk to either of them. As for the wedding, it was in the Treasure Island Wedding Chapel, and was stupid to me, because if you're going to get married in Vegas, Elvis should be present. And from the inside of the chapel, it looked just like any other old chapel in Hometown USA, so why even bother flying all the way out to Vegas.

As for the experience, well...it was much like any experience involving the "Trifecta" as the groom and the two co-best men called themselves. Within 8 hours of getting off the plane, my date had lost a 4 digit sum of money. The groom's brother-in-law threw up all over the tux rental dressing room. Jimmy had way too much to drink as he was getting off the plane and never stopped drinking from that point on, leading him to do an exessive amount of leaning, wobbling, and-as he put it-"praying" throughout the entire ceremony. During the reception, he knocked over the bride's grandmother, and chucked a dinner roll at the happy couple because "someone dared him to." And for your information, the hotel security at the Treasure Island Hotel and Casino are very scary looking men. I always learn a lot when Jimmy is around. But I digress...

The only real thing this day does for me is remind me that my old college roomie is turning 30 in 4 days. She wanted to be born on 7-7-77, but had to settle for 7-11-77. So I need to go get a card in the mail to her.

Things That Make Me Feel Better

When I am "sick." I'm not sick enough to go to the doctor, but still feel pretty yucky.
So, things that make me feel better:
1. Homemade Vanilla Blue Bell for my sore throat (and for lunch )
2. Advil Cold and Sinus Liquigels
3. Mt. Dew
4. Being enough ahead at work to take the afternoon off
5. Cleaning up the kitchen and living room so the mess doesn't make me feel worse
6. Opening a package of new embellishments and organizing them
7. Napping with the dogs
8. Sitting in the favorite chair with the favorite blanket finishing a book
9. Kleenex
10. Finding my favoritest movie of all time on tv! (I told her I loved her and all she gave me was a pen)

Yeah, I'm starting to feel better already...

Things People Have Said to Me Today

* when asked what she was going to do now that she's graduated college with a psychology degree, a friend mentioned a few career options, and then said "...or maybe I will just be a teacher for a while." Seriously, people, be aware of your surroundings and don't say that in the presence of a teacher. On the days that I'm fed up with children and parents and other teachers, I don't say "maybe I will just be a pilot!" I say "would you like fries with that?" What makes you think that you can "just" do something that I went through five years of college for?

* "Do you have a concession stand or something that I can get some popcorn or something?!" I am paying for my purchase at Target. Paying. Swiping my debit card. And some random lady comes and taps me on the shoulder and asks me that! But, because it was easier, I replied "yes, ma'am. Right down at that end of the store is our refreshment area." See, I can be pleasant and helpful when approached the right way.

* "Did you make this?!" when I gave away my last project at a baby shower. My gift was the only one passed around for all to see. It felt good.

And my favorite of the day...
I took Kells Bells and Katybug to IHOP, though Katybug, being the tween that she is, expressed her displeasure in being woken up on a Saturday morning (at 9:30 of all the ungodly hours) just to go to IHOP. We were discussing the new movie Ratattoulle (sp?) and Kells Bells said that we should go see it at Studio Movie Grill because it's a movie about food (which she and the rest of the family minus me did). I mentioned that we can't go see every movie there, because it gets expensive, and she says "Well, maybe if you'd pay for your own ticket it wouldn't be so expensive!" I'm not sure where she comes up with these things. For the record, her dad usually buys all the tickets together when the five of us go to the movies, and I keep her mother in a healthy supply of Diet Coke, so it all comes out in the wash!

Miscellaneous

I have taught school for seven years. Including my first year of teaching, I have moved into seven times. Yes, I have moved every year I have taught. Every year. I am moving again this year. Now, mind you, I have taught at my current school for six years. So, every time I move, it's just to another place in the building. So, now, I'm moving from the portable (trailer) back to the mainland. The problem with (all of) these moves is that no one's breathing down my neck to get out of the room. So, I basically have boxes of crap strewn amongst several rooms of the school. Because, I get all of the big stuff in the new room, and all that's left is the miscellaneous. I put that in red because it's a bad, bad word. It's all the crap that I didn't really have a place for in the first place, and now have no place for in the second (or seventh) place. So that's what's left to move, and lemme tellya there's nothing that can kick a girl's ADHD in like miscellaneous crap.
There's no real point to this. Other than I hate miscellaneous crap.

Other miscellaneous thoughts:
- I'd forgotten how funny the movie So I Married an Axe Murderer was!
- The gym is pretty empty on a Friday afternoon.
- I read this and this and thought they were very funny.
- My newest project is giving me wickedly miscellaneous dreams. They make no sense whatsoever.
- I have seen so many commercials for and sneek peeks of Evan Almighty that I may not want to see it anymore. But I DO want to see License to Wed. The minute it comes out. The. Minute. The. Very. Minute.
- I do not do well with time on my hands...

Frou Frou, Not Footloose

This will bring thoughts of the great 80's movie, Footloose, but that's not what I'm talking about. The band Frou Frou, which is a new love for me, redid this song for the movie Shrek 2 and it is phenomenal. I've been jamming out to it on the treadmill. But the lyrics, they speak to me too:

Where have all the good men gone
And where are all the gods
Where's the street-wise Hercules
To fight the rising odds
Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed
Late at night I toss and turn and dream of what I need

(Chorus)
I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night
He's gotta be strong
And he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light
He's gotta be sure
And it's gotta be soon
And he's gotta be larger than life
larger than life

Somewhere after midnight
In my wildest fantasy
Somewhere just beyond my reach
There's someone reaching back for me
Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat
It's gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet

(Chorus)

Up where the mountains meet the heavens above
Out where the lightning splits the sea
I would swear that there's someone somewhere
Watching me
Through the wind and the chill and the rain
And the storm and the flood
I can feel his approach
Like the fire in my blood

(Chorus)

It Takes a Village

I stumbled upon the movie The Village on tv this afternoon. It's actually a good movie that brings up a few very thoughtworthy ideas. When I first saw this movie, I was put out with it. The premise is straight out of a book I used to read to my students. It's a great book with a really neat twist, and I was so put out because M. Night Shaymalan is noted for his original screenplays and plat twists, and this one was so clearly not original. I think the author of the book even sued him or something.

But the one thing I really love about the movie is the beautiful, subtle romance in it. I happened upon that scene, and swooned a little... here is my favorite scene:

Ivy Walker: When we are married, will you dance with me? I find dancing very agreeable. Why can you not say what is in your head?
Lucius Hunt: Why can you not stop saying what is in yours? Why must you lead, when I want to lead? If I want to dance I will ask you to dance. If I want to speak I will open my mouth and speak. Everyone is forever plaguing me to speak further. Why? What good is it to tell you you are in my every thought from the time I wake? What good can come from my saying that I sometimes cannot think clearly or do my work properly? What gain can rise of my telling you the only time I feel fear as others do is when I think of you in harm? That is why I am on this porch, Ivy Walker. I fear for your safety before all others. And yes, I will dance with you on our wedding night.

This and That

Okay, I have a new addiction. I had a mindless task ahead of me this afternoon, so I spent I-won't-admit-how-many-hours watching my new addiction. Don't watch it. You will become addicted. At one point, I even teared up. Sad. Sadly sad.

The other thing I'm excited about is the new book I've started reading. I'm only a very few chapters in, but man alive is it a good book. Same Kind of Different as Me is a phenominal book that may top my list of books I love. I'm thinking it may just be a transformational read if I let it be.

I'm entering the final stretch of the camp preparations. I pull out next Sunday, and should be able to blog before then, but if I don't, it's because I'm frantically laminating nametags and running to WalMart every five seconds. This week should be very interesting, and I'm already in a situation in which either God or Satan will have much room to romp and play and stretch me. I'm just praying I allow it to be God.

You Have the Wrong Number

My aunt took the girls to dress rehearsal for their Gala tonight. She left her cell phone at home. The phone rang, and it was one of the other dance moms and she was lost. At the same time, my aunt called my cell asking about the friend, so I was relaying messages back and forth between the two of them on two different cell phones. It was a scene out of a tv show. We got the lost mom headed in the right direction, and hung up.

About twenty minutes later, my aunt calls me and tells me to call her and see where she is and if she's still lost. I look through my aunt's address book and find the number. A man answers. Her husband. I don't think twice about getting her husband or his occupation, and think that I must have dialed the home number by mistake. The mom got there as this was taking place, so my involvement was done and I was on my merry way.

When my aunt got home, she told me that it wasn't the home number, and that I had accidentally called the husband's cell number, because it was one number off from the mom's. The husband called the mom right after he hung up with me and asked why some random girl called his cell looking for her in the middle of a game. Because he's a sports announcer. For a major league baseball team (not the Rangers). Uh...my bad?

Luckily the game was over, so I wasn't too much of a distraction. But if I'm going to call the wrong number, I'm going to call the WRONG number.

Stupid is as Stupid Does

That quote is directed at Lindsay Lohan. She entered rehab today, and though I didn't necessarily plan on throwing out my views on the girl, the topic came up at dinner, and as the conversation unfolded, many soapboxes came flying at me, just waiting for me to hop on board.

I was sitting down to dinner with the girls. Now, I should say, I was sitting down to the pizza I picked up, lest you think I actually cooked. I sent KellsBells back to get Katybug to come to dinner, and as she sat down, she said that she heard today that Lindsay Lohan got arrested. At this point, I was already mentally chastising the poor little movie star about how her actions caught the attention of little cherub-faced innocent little girls all over the planet, and how she should know that because most of her movies are directed at the tween crowd, she is looked at as a role model and should step up to her position and use her powers for good instead of evil, and how am I going to use this little observation by a child to start off on a moral lecture about the perils of drugs and alcohol and which Bible verses would I use to illustrate my point.

Then, the conversation takes this turn:
KB: Do you know why she was arrested?
me: Yes.
KB: I always knew she was gonna do something stupid.
me: Really?
KB: Yeah. She's wild. She's, like, always changing her hair color. First it's blonde, then it's brown, then it's red. She's wild.
me: And she made some poor choices. It just goes to show you what can happen when you make poor choices.
KB: Yeah. You do something stupid.

So, I guess I don't have to lecture her on choices. I don't have to go all Biblical on her. (I've had to before, and it was pretty funny.)

As for you, Ms. Lohan, seriously? You're gonna get caught. You have a bazillion people with cameras following your every move and you don' t think anyone's going to see the bouncer have to carry your slumped-over self to your car?

And Lindsay's mom? BE A PARENT.

Soapbox done.

I am a Dentist. I am Not Rambo.

Watched Lost. Confused. Very confused.

Loved it. Best finale of the season, by far.

The only words I can conjur up are "...um..."



** I did figure out how to post this on Friday and make it look like I wrote it on Wednesday night. Brilliant!

Will you defeat them, your demons?

I went to Blockbuster tonight for the standard chick flick. I've been lagging in the ridiculous romantic comedy as of late, so I thought I'd get the new Jennifer Garner or Drew Barrymore movies, which are sure to feed right into my "want to be in love in a movie" tendencies. They were both all rented out, so I picked up Come Early Morning. This is an exceptional film. It won the Grand Jury Prize at Sundance. I just discovered it came out on DVD on my birthday. And it's no coincidence that it takes place in North Little Rock, where a lot of my demons grew their strongest and did the most damage. I may have to own it. Or just not return it to Blockbuster, and let them charge me for it.

I loved so many things about this movie. I identified with the self-destructive Lucy, with whom I share many a demon. I loved Cal, the guy of the film, (because doesn't every film have a guy?)But the thing about this film, and this guy, is that he fought for the girl. Literally and figuratively. He fought for her. He helped her fight her demons.

I have so many demons, and it gets so exhausting fighting them on my own. I know I have to. Even in the movie, she had to handle her demons on her own. I have to face them on my own, in the light of the reality of God. And I'm getting there. Really, I am. It was just such a lovely notion that he would go there with her and fight them with her. And I can't help but want someone to fight mine with me. And fight for me.

But even if no one shows up, and it's just me, I will defeat them. My demons.