A few letters since it's been a while

Dear God,
Seriously! Where did all this wind come from?! Which leads me to my next letter:

Dear fellow church members,
Though I saw none of you, it doesn't mean you weren't there, so let me just say I'm sorry. Though I don't wear skirts above the knee, I forget that on the windiest of days, it doesn't matter the length of the skirt when it goes flying above your head, showing off London, France, and my Bridget Jones underpants. So if I saw it, I'm sorry you got more than you bargained for when you came to church.

Dear lady at the table next to me at lunch,
Your child is a brat, and you are the primary reason. Please. When your husband tried an attempt at discipline, you completely undermined him in front of the children. Good luck when she hits the teenage years. And please refrain from blaming anyone else.

Dear Old Navy,
Thank you! You brought back the cutoff, gauzy, pants that must be from heaven and made of fairy wings they are so comfortable! I bought a pair last year and couldn't get them again. Couldn't find them anywhere! I thought all hope was lost, but no! You've brought them back! And for that I love you! Enough to buy two pair, at full price! Full price! Thank you!!!

Dear L'Oreal,
You've laid my mom off, thinking she would move to New Orleans for you. She won't, so now what are you going to do with your reorganization strategy that is sure to leave your workers overworked and stressed out? You've asked her to pack up her laptop, fax machine, and super fancy printer. Well, I've done a few things before she packed up that printer. Like print roughly 300 pages in color. You mentioned nothing about the ink, so I used some of it up for you. You wouldn't want it all to spill out in transit, would you?

And finally,

Dear future husband,
Where are you? Do you exist? Please come soon. I need you.

Love to all...
Jennifer