Exactly how many commandments can a girl break in an IKEA?

The answer, my friend, is a lot. (Notice I didn't use the always incorrect "alot")
Today, however, it was three. But two of them were minor ones, so that doesn't count, right?

My sister is graduating from college in a couple of weeks and my mom says I have to go. Luckily for me, it is in the exact same town as The Aunt, and that is the real reason I'm going. But since I'm going for an event, I have to buy her a present. I'm not going into the ridiculousness that is buying my sister a present, but I decided to get her an IKEA gift card, so that when she finally stops whining about being unemployed and gets a job and an apartment, she'll be able to furnish said apartment.

So, I was off to IKEA on a Saturday. With my mother it makes me wander through the store muttering curse words under my breath like a Tourette's victim, but alone I am filled with warmth and happiness and rainbows and fairy dust as I roam the aisles and dream of the wondrous possibilities.

Or so I thought.

I was truly enjoying myself this morning, having found two of the three items I went there for before I was going to get the giftcards. (The Aunt liked my idea and wanted in on the action). The third item is a black, open-backed frame that I already have, but The Aunt covets mine hard core, so I was going to graciously get her one to call her very own. The Mom had been once last week and looked for the frames, but they were out. When I couldn't find one either, I thought to myself- too bad for The Aunt. Better luck next time.

And went on my merry way to check out.

As I was walking towards the check out aisle, I noticed another lady whose cart contents included the very frame I had been seeking out as I drove up the tollway to the land of yellow-shirted bliss. The Frame. So I asked her where she found it, as I had not seen one, and she gave me the directions to the location from which she had found it.

At this point, I proceeded to whip my little yellow-bagged buggy around and set out in search of that frame. For 45 minutes. I retraced my steps. I crossed paths with a man who flirted with me uncomfortably not once but twice whilst his wife stood idly by. Awkward, party of three.

I searched and searched and discussed with Jesus how much I knew He was probably busy tackling bigger things like the genocide in Darfur and such, but really, could He just show me where this one tiny little frame was and I'd totally stop bothering Him for at least like, 20 minutes or so, please pretty please? With sugar on top?

I finally swallowed my pride and asked a person in a yellow shirt about the frame. The girl was very helpful, but regretted to inform me that she saw one earlier in the morning (the store had been open for roughly an hour and a half), and it was by itself, the last one and it was sitting right over there where that big empty spot on the shelf is right now and she's very sorry and better luck next time.

At this point, I broke a couple of those commandments. I may have muttered some not-so-nice things about the mother of the lady with the frame in her cart who clearly led me astray when she probably knew she had the only one left and who doesn't mention that in the first place? I also may have called upon the name of the Jesus I was just talking to in a not-so-reverent manner. And I may also have sworn to find that woman, distract her, and swipe the frame from her basket and take off running as fast as I could toward the door like that lady in the commercial that says "start the car! start the car!" Only there was no one to start the car, and I would have totally gotten busted.

As for the other commandment I broke, besides speaking the name of the Lord in vain and also hatching a plot to steal something from someone else?

I was walking down the aisles, frantically searching for the frame, and an announcement came on that said if you need help to find someone in a yellow shirt, and a man near me started rapping "she's dressed in yellow, she says hello, come sit next to me you fine fellow." 

I might have wanted to walk up to him and force him to marry me but sadly, he was there with his wife and cute as can be little toddler. So I might have coveted what she had a little bit. Or a lot.

IKEA is a dangerous Christian battleground my friends. You've been warned.