Then, I stayed up WAY too late on Saturday at Taste of Addison.
Finally, I stayed up past my bedtime to watch the series finale of LOST. Yes I'm still confused.
So, needless to say, I'm rather tired. I debated the social implications of going to bed at 4:30 this afternoon.
I'm an eight-hours-a-night kind of girl. It's one of the boundaries I've set up for myself that I'm actually pretty strict about. So when I get six hours of sleep, after a weekend of no sleep, it's not pretty.
Which is where I am today. I didn't tell the long-drawn-out, meltdown-in-the-middle-of-a-restaurant, text-message-in-the-middle-of-the-morning-asking-me-for-a-valium story of my sister and her job search on here. I'm over it. She was ridicuously nervous for her job interview, and today she found out she got the job.
I'm having a hard time being happy for her. She's going to start at about the same salary as I have right now after nine-plus years of my job. She wanted one specific job and she got it. She's right on track for her career path. My parents keep talking about how this is such a great opportunity for her. They're very proud of her.
I'm a little bit bothered for a couple of reasons. She'll be in the area forever now, and it's been nice with her being away and me getting a little bit of attention from the parents and such.
Also, aside from her self-induced panic attacks about the interviewing process, it's all seemed so easy for her. Yes, she is a weaker, more emotional person. She has not in her life had to deal with the things I have had to deal with. She is not independent in the slightest. She is not independent enough to wake herself up in the morning without my mother calling her.
I am a strong woman. This much I know for sure. I can handle most everything that comes my way with a level head and a relatively good attitude. I can live and survive and thrive completely on my own devices. I can get myself out of bed every morning, change my own tire when it goes flat, do my own laundry, and ride out a storm in an apartment bathroom without being afraid. I can take care of myself.
And my sister can't. Because she's never had to. My parents have paid her way through college, bought her car after car, and given her money for ski trip after ski trip. She can't even decide whether or not to send a "thank you" email without consulting my mom first.
And the root of this all is that I'm jealous. I want to have someone take care of me. I want to have someone to come to my rescue. But I've never been the damsel in distress. If something goes awry, I fix it.
I didn't come to this realization easily. I was in line at the customer service desk at our local Kohl's today working to exchange one set of dishes for two sets of dishes, because since I bought them on Thursday they have gone to buy one get one free.
It's for a girl at work that's having a wedding shower. She's getting married. Yes, she's older than me, and it's finally her turn, but that doesn't leave me any less jealous of her getting to have what I don't know if it's safe to even dream about anymore. She got a big shower this weekend at the biggest house of all in the neighborhood we teach in. She spends a good amount of her time sucking up to the parents, and it paid off this weekend. And I'm so jealous. So jealous.
It also has to do with the funk I was in a while back that I sense is slowly creeping up again. I may talk about it tomorrow, or I may just forget to blog for another month. We'll see.
UPDATED TO ADD:
Here's a look at my sleep cycle that night. I.was.out.
