This was the hardest year I’ve had save my first year. So hard, in fact, that every one of those words is a link to a different blog post in which I’ve lamented about just how hard this group is to teach. It’s been that bad. That bad.
There have also been some good moments. As hard as the ‘tough’ kids were to teach, I’ve had some beautiful kids as well. My heart is divided equally between about 20 of them. (I’ve taught a total of 41 kids this year).
Some of the tough kids have tested every fiber of my being, and I have had to go to God Himself in the middle of the day to keep from breaking down on the spot. And at times, I’ve broken down on the spot because I didn’t get to Him quick enough.
And I have loved some of those kids harder and stronger than I have ever loved anyone or anything outside of my own family.
When the little ones left at 1:30, I had an actual physical reaction to the year being over. My body could not properly handle the stress release, and my temperature spiked, I got flushed, and had about a half an hour of sheer exhaustion. I had to sit and file papers for both me and KC, while she swept both of our rooms. We were silent for the whole time, just needing to decompress.
What I’ve also discovered while digging for those links is that I’ve also had quite a year on a personal level. Yes, I remembered that I pretty much quit blogging (and living) in April, but I’d forgotten that I’d had a meltdown in November and quite a wonky mood in December. February wasn’t much better, nor was April and May. I never put it together that the two might be related. Over the course of the year, I've gained upwards of fifteen pounds. Again, it never occurred to me until the end that it was related to this year.
At one point, I was so close to going back to the darkness that I got a little scared and promptly went straight back to my medicine and heavy prayer.
It’s been quite a year.
And I’m finally at peace with its end.
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