Any group big enough to trample me to death. General rule of thumb is 36 adults or 70 children.

I'm fried from meet the teacher.

Before I discuss that with you, I want to show you something that popped up on my Facebook. It took a while to mask the names and pictures, but it was so funny- and totally something I would say.

Does that not sound like me?!

Meet The Teacher.

This is why I've been referring to my coworkers as idiots as of late. I was mostly talking about the decision-makers at my school. They made a doozie of a decision this year.

Typically, we mail the back-to-school-here's-your-teacher letters the Monday before school starts. This year, we decided not to mail any letters and just post the lists. Blame it on the budget crunch, but I don't disagree with that decision. It's this next part that's C-to the-RAZY.

Before I tell you about that, you need to understand a little bit of background about our parents. They want certain teachers, and view other teachers as incompetent and hard to work with. They have no proof, but they listen to other moms that they're certain are sane and then go based off of their judgement.

These parents also feel that which other kids are in their precious baby angel sweetum's class is just as important as the teacher, so even after the letters have been mailed, they still go up and look at the lists and bring their video recorders-I couldn't make this up if I tried- and video record the whole class list so they can see who else is in their child's class.

C-to the RAZY!

Now, that's when we've mailed the lists ahead of time and then just posted the list sometime during the week. But we didn't do that this year.

Someone had the ingenious idea to post the lists at 4pm on Friday, right before the "Meet the Teacher" event that happened at 4:30.

Y'all.

Seriously.

I have so many issues with this plan, and that was even before it was carried out.

1. We have about 800 students. So that's about 800 people and their mommas standing in front of one door to try to find their teacher. All at the same time. In Texas, where it is almost 8pm and still 94 degrees outside. Yeah. That might be a smidge of a problem.

2. We are asking them to then go home or to Target or just somewhere else for 30 minutes before they get to come into the building and meet the teachers on the list. Or just wait in front of the doors that have the lists on them that everyone else wants a look at. And not come in the building. For 30 minutes. In the Texas heat.

Okay. Sure. Let me know how that works out for you.

Here's how it worked out:

- The secretary posted the lists, and then wasn't able to open the door to let her son go out to his father's car.

- About ten minutes after the lists were posted, an announcement was made mentioning that meet the teacher was not being held until 4:30, that the teachers weren't ready, and asking them not to wait inside the foyer but instead to wait outside.

- At about 4:20, one of the parents called one of the teachers on her cell phone asking who her son had because she was so far back that she couldn't see the list of names.

C to the RAZY.

I met my class, though, and I'm thinking I might like them just a little bit.