Bored.

My student teacher has taken over full time.
I'm bored, and I miss my kids.
They're in class and learning all day, and I'm sitting in the teacher's lounge, listening to teacher after teacher talk of this and that, while trying to get some work done. Or sitting on iTunes for over an hour, which is what I really did this morning.

Though, I got the privilege of sitting in the teacher's lounge for second grade lunch, where the topic of conversation turned to some 26 year old someone or another still living at his parents' house. One of the teachers says that by 26 you should be married and out on your own. And then sees me. And reiterates "at least out on your own."

This is just another little thorn of what's been bothering me lately, and it really came to light tonight, with the Christmas Card Situation.

My family has decided to be a family this year, and we've documented a good bit of it in pictures. I thought it would be fun for my parents to send out Christmas cards with family pictures on them this year, since we have some. So, I put them together for my mom, and she proofed them and picked one, and we're all set.

But there's one little problem. I'm the only one in my family with my last name. Only one. So, on the card, I didn't put "From The C---'s and Jennifer O---" because that would be awkward and stupid. I just put "From The C---'s" and called it done.

Tonight, when I delivered the cards to the parents, they asked me how many I wanted to send out. I told them none. They asked why not, and I asked... "who would I send them to?"

The Dad suggested people at work or people at church. I brushed off the comment, but I didn't want to say "they don't know I have a different last name than you people. I don't want to confuse them."
And anyways, I've never really felt like I've fit in with this family.

See, that's the problem that's been driving me crazy for quite a while now. I don't fit in.
At school, where everyone is married, and I'm one of only two single female teachers without kids.
At Young Life, where everyone goes to the same church (of which I will write tomorrow), and all go camping and hiking and being all crunchy and granola-y all the time. I SO don't fit in there.
At church, where no one really knows where to place me because I'm single, but I'm not in my late 30's and early 40's going to the first service and singing in the choir and then the potluck after Sunday School. Where everything is geared towards young married couples or middle-aged married couples with children.

But I'll write about that tomorrow. If I have time.
I've just been called and asked to babysit again for a couple of days. And I said I would.

Because, at least when I'm babysitting, I get to play house. I get to pretend to have kids and be the mom, and it takes my mind off of the reality of the fact that I don't feel like I fit in really anywhere.
Oh, and it helps me in saving up for this.