Friday, July 29, 2011

Has anyone recently left any gifts outside your home? Anything. Gum, money, a large wooden horse.

So tomorrow my sweet student teacher is going to the chapel and she's gonna get married. I have not finished her wedding present yet, but that is neither here nor there. They are going to have a great wedding and an even greater marriage, based on what I've read on The Face Book. I will also be defriending any more engaged couples as I can only tolerate so many mushy "I love my best friend" posts before I throw up in my mouth.

To be honest, even though I've known about tomorrow for roughly ten months, it's kind of crept up on me. Yes, I've had the save the date on my fridge, replaced by the wedding invitation, and I've known it was July 30th for quite some time. But let's face it. The entire month of July has crept up on me. And I'm not ready to discuss or participate in August yet.

I bought my dress to wear mid-June, when I found a great dress and needed a reason to purchase yet another dress (although 75% off was a pretty persuasive reason). I had shoes that would do with the dress, and did when I wore it once to church. But I was looking for the right pair of shoes, and thought I had all the time in the world because the wedding wasn't until after camp.

Only, as of this week, it's after camp. Jinkies. And the wedding is tomorrow. And so I must finish the album tomorrow morning before I do anything else. Which is fine, because I'll do it. But I went tonight to get them something off of the registry.

I have an interesting philosophy about gifts, one in which I don't give traditional gifts often, but spend time planning and plotting what I will either make for you or how I will spend quality time with you. Long story short: I don't take gift-giving lightly. At all.

So when it's time for an event in which someone has registered, yes I will buy something from the registry, as it is social norm, but I will also make the happy couple/mom/whatever something special. Because, the thing is that I. hate. registries. With a passion.

See, wedding registries give people a little gun, and then they get to play. And while they do register for important things, like dishes and spoons and towels and blenders, they also tend to register for things that are fun, silly, and just plain stupid.

How would Emily Post feel about the couple that has registered for a couple of Wii games, and hangers for their closet as is the case for my sweet student teacher, or in the case of my cousins, also getting married, all sorts of questionable things on their registry. An extremely expensive air mattress? Check. A new bed for each of their two dogs (orthopedic nonetheless)? Check. Every kitchen utensil known to man across their three different store registries? Check. (Don't worry, she registered for a pickle pickler.) And, yes, even two stainless steel toilet brushes at over $25 a piece.

That is why I get you the obligatory gift from your registry (in this case a tacky photo album), but then I make you something special. Because nothing says "I'm so glad you're getting married" like an As Seen On TV Slap Chop that you obviously wanted enough to put on your registry *cough* cousin *cough*

And yes, all of these are real items from real registries of couples to whose weddings I was invited. I could not make this up.

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