I just want to see someone (that is not me) tasered once. Is that too much to ask?

So, I moved. And ditched DirecTV. And got Time Warner Cable.

And thought I got a DVR. I actually just got digital cable. I can record television programs, but I just can't access them once they're recorded. I didn't know this when I spoke with a TWC representative (who I am quite sure was in Southwestern Asia) and she suggested that it was a remote control issue, and that I should change it out. They could send someone out (you know- from 10-2 on a Tuesday), or mail it to me (for a $5 fee) or I could go switch it out at the local customer service center (which closes at 6pm).

I chose the last option.
I chose wrong.

I fought a vicious battle with afternoon traffic and rolled in at 5:48. I was prepared to tell them that if this was going to be an arduous process, I'd come back another time so I didn't keep them long. I wasn't prepared to speak with the po-po.

When I got into the room, I quickly surveyed the room. It was a multicultural extravaganza- a veritable United Colors of Benetton ad. Joshua and Sharon were behind the counter helping customers. Those are their real names. By the end of this ordeal, we were all on a first name basis. And possibly on You Tube.

At the front of the line was a tall, well-dressed white man talking loudly in his phone. I could hear the conversation, but didn't immediately realize who was on the other end, so I may have texted the BFF that he was the king of the douchebags. I don't use that word lightly, or really ever, but if the moniker fits, I have to concede. And it did.

Sharon finished up with her customer, and went behind closed doors (pay no attention to the man behind the curtain), so it was just Joshua left to deal with the Benetton ad. As Mr. W (the db) walked up to the counter and opened his mouth to say something, Joshua stopped him immediately and said "Sir, stop right there. I've heard your entire conversation and let me tell you how we're going to handle it."

I thought to myself "Go Joshua. You're going to get this guy settled and on his way and then we can all wait in line in peace."

I thought wrong.

Long story shorter, this guy had turned in his cable modem, but there was a serial number mix up, and he was being charged for it. And it was getting ugly. At first, Joshua was handling it really well, and we all thought the problem might be resolved.

Until Joshua said that a customer service rep would contact him in 2-3 days. That may have set Mr. W off a smidge. Or a whole lot. This is also when the large black woman (LBW) next in line started running a play-by-play and the security guard (SG), who by the way may have previously worked in a women's correctional facility, stepped in as well.

To be continued....
(Not because I want to stir up suspense and drama... but because I ran out of time and will try to finish the rest soon...)