Thursday, March 05, 2015

Dear Married Man,

Dear Married Man,

Don't worry- we're not going to have this conversation in real life, both because I'm a big old ninny when it comes to conflict, and also because this is probably a non-issue for you. I doubt you have any idea what's going on.

You are a great guy, and I like talking to you. You are very friendly, and you have a welcoming personality. You like to give instruction, and you're kind when you're explaining things to people. You're always there for a nice little pat on the back. Or small back rub. Or small back scratch. Just letting me know you're there, and you're appreciative of me. There are no romantic undertones in our interactions, and from what I understand, you're happily married.

The problem is this: you're a naturally friendly, affectionate guy, but I'm a single girl. A single girl in my late thirties who will most likely end up a spinster. You are a man who sees no harm in the occasional friendly touch, back scratch, or small shoulder rub, and I am a girl who has been single for going on fourteen years and has been deprived of the touch of anyone for the majority of that time.

The first time you touched me it was so inconsequential that I didn't think anything of it. To be honest, I liked it because you touched my back to let me know you were there. I like someone literally having my back. The second time, it was a little awkward. But this last time, I felt my whole body tense up as a defense mechanism. Not because I was afraid, or thought I might have been in danger, but because you came up behind me, put your chin on my shoulder, and put your arms around me, and what was a friendly, sisterly gesture to you was an extremely intimate gesture to me.

And I can't let myself go to that place.

So, I will be keeping my distance for the foreseeable future.  Even though I again acknowledge that there was absolutely nothing romantic in the interaction, nor did I think that you were trying to convey anything romantic, it's just safer for everyone not even to go there.

- Wild and Precious
(Who you probably didn't even know was single)

Have I ever mentioned how hard it is to be a single girl? Not even once or twice?

(Side note: this all happened a while ago. I wrote it all out to get it out of my head and them promptly went on living my life. I just found it in drafts and hadn't written in a while. And while I doubt he reads my blog, distance has done wonders.)

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