Tuesday, October 06, 2015

I can't wait to meet you in a well-lit, busy location

So, recently (okay- this weekend), I read a couple of articles on online dating:

- Five myths about online dating
- I Tried Online Dating And No One Even Messaged Me Back

I've believed those myths, and I've tried multiple (okay- two) dating sites and had no one message me. But that has nothing to do with the reason I don't like online dating.

I don't like online dating sites. At all.
Not because of the guys that are on them, and what they do or say or don't do or don't say.

I don't like online dating sites because of who I am when using online dating sites.

When I see the profile of a person on an online dating site, I am only seeing a small part of what a person can communicate to me about themselves. And because there are often more than one, I start looking at them all and scrutinizing judging them over every little thing. (Calling a spade a spade here.)

Never is that behavior more pronounced (read: convicting) as when I meet someone in real life and realize that if I had looked at his profile on an online dating site, I wouldn't spend more than ten to twenty seconds dismissing it. Especially if this person is one of the most golden, special, Jesus-like people I may have ever met.

I have a friend that I met through derby. He's a boy. We'll go ahead and get that out of the way.
He's the "big brother" or almost the "mascot" of the league. (His official title is a sponsor of one of the teams).

I've been in derby for almost two years. I've heard of him since the beginning, talked to him a couple of times, and made all sorts of pre-conceived notions and judgements about him. I knew he was a "nice guy" but that's mostly all of what I've known of him. I've been cordial, nice, helpful when I can be, but I had no idea who this guy is. I had heard he was a nice guy who would drop everything to help, but a lot of guys I know are like that.

See, if he would have put up a profile, I would immediately dismissed him for several reasons.

But his online profile wouldn't have told me that he would stand outside in the pouring rain to put up a lean to so that we wouldn't have to get any more wet than we already had. And he would do this in clothes that he had just bought the day before.

I wouldn't have known that he would be the kindest, most encouraging person I've ever met. That he would volunteer to help me with the one area I'm struggling with the most in derby.

That he would offer up his house in case the group of girls he was with didn't want to use the port-a-potties.

That he would go out of his way to make sure we are all protected and safe on our way to our cars and late night.

That he would take the biggest challenge our league has ever faced and make it his personal mission to bring good out of it. That he would inspire me every time I see him. That I would want nothing more than to be like him.

I would have dismissed him when seeing his occupation, not knowing that he went to school to study music. On a full scholarship. Like, whoa.

I would have dismissed him based on the grammar and text and Facebook spellings and punctuations, not knowing that he went to graduate school and is quite possibly one of the smarter people I know.

I would have dismissed him based on his ethnicity, but not realized that he is nothing that it would suggest, and he makes the best jokes about it (jokes that I would make), and that he has the best sense of humor.

I would have dismissed him based on his height, not knowing that he gives the best hugs and the best shoulder taps and hand squeezes of encouragement.

And boy would I miss out.

Don't read into this.

We're just friends. If he asked for more (which I doubt he will, as I think he's got a bit of a crush on one of the other derby girls), I would not hesitate to spend any time with him that I could because he's an amazing human being.

But if I was just looking at him "on paper"- I think I'd miss every single good thing about him.

P.S. And then I did also go and read something along the lines of THIS as well.

Go figure.

(Also- it should be noted that even thought I have had these thoughts all along, I've never actually blogged about them. I know- I went back and checked. And damn, I've been blogging for a long time.)

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