I'm seriously going to have to start robbing the cradle. Robbing it blind.

So, I met This Guy for coffee last night.

About 37.4 seconds after I posted my secret, that I'd been at a secret coffee meeting, I got a text from Happy Little Wonders that said 'you are in trouble. that is all.'

To which I replied 'I have been punished enough'.

Let's first talk about how I got myself into this little predicament.

When given information objectively, we tend to think we can be very picky. For example, bad grammer is one of the reasons I was initially hesitant to meet a guy for coffee and wear lipstick. But I overlook That Boy's poor grammar because I find him charming in ways that keep me from noticing he has poor grammar.

That being said, I didn't want to spend much time nit picking this guy's profile or his emails. Every kind of communication this guy gave me was very short and to the point. I just chalked it up to the fact that he was very straightforward. At no point did I think he could possbily have Asperger's.

Even on Wednesday night (when I had to call him) to set up the meeting it did not occur to me that this was a possibility. There were ridiculous awkward silences, even after I threw out a few comments that were completely comment-able.  I knew something was wrong after the phone call, and I did think all day long about bailing on him. Making up an excuse and finding a way out. I'd never have met him and we'd be fine. (Standing him up would never be an option, but I did think of a few good excuses).

But then that damn billboard popped into my head and I had to stop and ask myself what Jesus would want me to do, so I went anyways. The whole way there, I was trying not to be nervous and having a panic attack (epic fail), and talking to Jesus about what He wants me to do and how He wants me to act in this situation. Because at this point, I had a feeling that it wasn't going to be about me anymore.

Of course, the romantic-comedy-ness of nature tells me that maybe, just maybe, I won't think I'll like him but I'll go anyways and then he'll show up and charm me and we'll live happily ever after.

But my life is not a romantic comedy. It is a- well, I don't know what it is. Tragedy? Horror flick? Sci-Fi? Yes. That's what we'll call it. Sci-Fi.

So, I drove out to Frisco and set up shop at the Starbucks. I graded papers until he got there, in an effort to relax myself.

As soon as this guy walked up to the Starbucks, the first thought that ran through my head was Bless.His.Heart. (And if you're from the South, you know that Bless.His.Heart. is not a good thing.)

This poor boy was the epitome of nerd. Awful glasses, odd shirt- he had it all. And then he sat down and tried to talk to me... y'all. It was painful. Pain.full.

I jumped into the conversation immediately, asking about his job and his day. The conversation (and I hesitate to call it that) was filled with one-sided, short answers. No joking, no elaboration, no detail. Nothing.

About five minutes into it, as I knew this was definitely not a love connection, I just kept thinking... how would Jesus want me to handle this situation? What kind of person would Jesus want me to be to this boy? So I was nice, and gracious, and made every effor to be kind and gentle with this poor, sweet boy. Bless.His.Heart.

I should have known better. I should have known by the fact that he was single at 36, played video games, and bowled as a hobby. From now on, if you've made it to 33 and you've never been married...well, I'm going to assume there's something wrong with you. I'm going to have to start dating only in the under-30 category in an effort to find a somewhat-normal boy that doesn't make me think Bless.His.Heart upon first glance.

I know God was not punishing me for keeping whole endeavor a secret, because my God does not work like that. However, I'm pretty damn sure he was laughing the whole time. Because my God does work like that.