So, today was Sunday #2 that I was absent from church. Both last Sunday and today, I ended up driving by church as they were letting out, and I had to resist the urge to slink down in the seat to avoid being seen when I really should have been inside the building.
My thoughts today are also a little reflective of my mood today. This is a tough time, and I'm not sure what's going on. I moved, but have tons of unpacking. My beloved family is moving away soon, but with no definite time frame. Things are just uncertain. I don't know. And I'm used to knowing. And that pisses me off, because I know that the only thing I can be certain about is that I can never be certain about things. And I carry these things around with me all day, until they get resolved, and they are quite often not resolved by Sunday morning, when the Small Talk happens.
I hate Small Talk. HATE IT. It is the bane of my existence. Some Sundays, I walk into church thinking that if one more person asks me how my summer's going, I'm going to go postal. And then I restrain myself. And put on my cheery face, and say it's going good, how's yours? This is the part I don't love about church. This culture we create doesn't always allow for real-ness.
While God is pretty okay with us not being all shiny and happy all the time, as long as we're honest about it, the rest of the church is not always like that. I am as guilty of this as anyone. God actually sometimes uses it to get me out of my funk. One time, I was in a foul foul mood right before the Christmas presentation, and I ended up being stuck in a room with this one random woman from our church that is a little left-of-center, so to speak. So, she asks me how I'm doing, I lied and said I was fine, and (just what I hate that other people do), ended up asking her how she was doing. Well, she was having some digestive issues, and she proceeded to tell me about them in detail, and by the end of it all I could do was smile and nod and inwardly give in to God about my bad attitude.
God allows for real-ness, but people sometimes don't. And this morning, I'm kinda grateful that I don't have to be at church in my bad mood, because I'd be fake and tell everyone I was okay, even though I'd be risking being struck down dead by lightening for lying at church. And, as a side note, most of this is because I go to a big big church and am involved in almost every ministry and therefore know a lot of people on a surface-y kind of level. But I do have people at church that know me enough and are real enough with me that, when asked how I'm doing, I will answer "I'm pissed off at God" and they can handle it. And I love them for it. And they are my real church.
Showing posts with label Church. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Church. Show all posts
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Thoughts on a Church-less Sunday Morning
So, this morning was the first morning that I've not gone to church on a Sunday morning in roughly 6 years. The last time I skipped church, I "just skipped" church for five years. I was a Chreaster during that time. I've missed church a couple of times since then, for various mission trips and camps (but I was with church people then) and once when I had the flu. But today was the first Sunday of a five-week hiatus from church. And I'll probably even go back for one of those Sundays, as it is promotion Sunday and I can't in good conscience skip commotion Sunday just because. But today was my first Church-less Sunday.
I've thought a lot about why I'm taking these Sundays off, other than the recovery reasons. I probably could have at least sat through service because it's just sitting, but I didn't. I purposely decided to get with God without going to His house today. (It's a big big house, with lots and lots of room...)
See, the thing is, when you become "involved" in Church beyond just getting there on Sunday at 9:29am and sitting in the back of the room and hearing the songs and the pastor and going home, Church becomes a totally different thing. Church transitions from the building to the body. So Sunday mornings become different. And the more you serve, and the more you interact with the Body, the more busy you become at church.
And busyness is not always good. It's not ya'll. Sometimes it just sucks the life right out of the body. And that's one of the reasons I'm not going for five whole weeks even though I can really only justify two or three of them at most. Because I need some life back into my God-life. That didn't make sense. Sorry. Blame it on the antibiotic. Or the rain. That was falling down. Or Milli Vanilli.
Anyway, I spent today with just some me and God time, and will probably do that again next weekend, but then I'm planning on going to a couple of other churches in the area, because you can't have a true relationship with God without corporate worship because He designed us that way, and sometimes He chooses to reveal Himself through others, and you can't have that if you aren't around others, but if I go back to "my" body, then I am afraid I will get sucked right back into the busyness, plus a lot of the "Where have you been-ness?" and I want to experience how some other bodies do it before I go back to mine. (How's THAT for a run-on sentence! My professors would be SO proud!)
I have more thoughts on this, but I've rambled on enough, and already made one Milli-Vanilli reference, which is a clear indication that I need to stop. And I'll have next Sunday to talk about this topic, too. And just FYI, God and I looked at Samuel, Saul, and David today. By Ourselves.
I've thought a lot about why I'm taking these Sundays off, other than the recovery reasons. I probably could have at least sat through service because it's just sitting, but I didn't. I purposely decided to get with God without going to His house today. (It's a big big house, with lots and lots of room...)
See, the thing is, when you become "involved" in Church beyond just getting there on Sunday at 9:29am and sitting in the back of the room and hearing the songs and the pastor and going home, Church becomes a totally different thing. Church transitions from the building to the body. So Sunday mornings become different. And the more you serve, and the more you interact with the Body, the more busy you become at church.
And busyness is not always good. It's not ya'll. Sometimes it just sucks the life right out of the body. And that's one of the reasons I'm not going for five whole weeks even though I can really only justify two or three of them at most. Because I need some life back into my God-life. That didn't make sense. Sorry. Blame it on the antibiotic. Or the rain. That was falling down. Or Milli Vanilli.
Anyway, I spent today with just some me and God time, and will probably do that again next weekend, but then I'm planning on going to a couple of other churches in the area, because you can't have a true relationship with God without corporate worship because He designed us that way, and sometimes He chooses to reveal Himself through others, and you can't have that if you aren't around others, but if I go back to "my" body, then I am afraid I will get sucked right back into the busyness, plus a lot of the "Where have you been-ness?" and I want to experience how some other bodies do it before I go back to mine. (How's THAT for a run-on sentence! My professors would be SO proud!)
I have more thoughts on this, but I've rambled on enough, and already made one Milli-Vanilli reference, which is a clear indication that I need to stop. And I'll have next Sunday to talk about this topic, too. And just FYI, God and I looked at Samuel, Saul, and David today. By Ourselves.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Of Surgery and Sabbatical
What are you doing for the next three weeks?
I'm taking a forced sabbatical. I have trouble saying no, and frequently overload myself. I actually find that I work better when I have lots of things to do. I do not do well with free time. At school, I have about a bazillion days, because I never take a day off. I have never taken a summer off.
But this summer is bigger than it should be (nod to Mikel). So I was able to do all of my church associate stuff, and still have 3 weeks off until I go back to school. I also have this little surgery thing I've been wanting to do for a while. So, tomorrow morning at the ever-loving crack of dawn, I'm going under the knife. But it's not a big deal, and I'll be home by tomorrow afternoon. But, it's gonna take some time to recover. So, I've got to take some time off. I seized an opportunity, and took three weeks off from my life, and five weeks off of church responsibilities on Sunday mornings and evenings. Seriously. I have three weeks of nothing planned.
This is something I've never experienced before. Three. Weeks. With nothing to do. No responsibilities. How am I going to pass the time you ask?
With this (I'm gonna read a few books...):
And this (and maybe catch a movie or two...):
You know you're jealous.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Funk
If you need to get out of a funk, go find a seven year-old and take her to her first Lord's Supper. It will get you out of whatever spiritual funk you are in and make you look at things differently. It did for me.
I think part of my funk is that I've been unstructured for three or four days a week out of the last two weeks. If I don't have a structure to my day, a schedule of events, I get fussy. I start to think about things I don't need to think about in light of the big picture I'm usually looking at. And I start to get grumpy and growly and just moody. Not to other people, mind you. I'm good at wearing the cheerful mask. But under the mask...watch out.
Usually, it doesn't last long, and it didn't this time. But boy, did my brown leather journal get an earful this morning!
I think part of my funk is that I've been unstructured for three or four days a week out of the last two weeks. If I don't have a structure to my day, a schedule of events, I get fussy. I start to think about things I don't need to think about in light of the big picture I'm usually looking at. And I start to get grumpy and growly and just moody. Not to other people, mind you. I'm good at wearing the cheerful mask. But under the mask...watch out.
Usually, it doesn't last long, and it didn't this time. But boy, did my brown leather journal get an earful this morning!
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
God, Rain, and Teenagers
This week at church, we're doing our weekly music camp, where the kids learn a musical during the week, and then in the afternoons go on fun field trips. Today, one group was going to play putt putt, one group was going to Chuck E. Cheese, and one group was going swimming.
It was raining tons this morning, and the field trip organizer was running around frantically trying to figure out a contingency plan and answer all of the parent questions and stuff. We were joking and just getting generally annoyed with the amount of questions we were receiving and the headache that the constant eye-on-the-weather was giving us.
Well, today, we were set to leave at 12:30 and return at 3. The kids had to start getting back to the busses at 2:30. So, it rained and rained and rained, and at about noon the mom-chaperones were coming in telling us "it's 74 and rainy outside and are you going to call off this trip because my precious little fragile child can't get wet lest they melt and its too cold to swim and it might lightening and what are you going to do about it?" And we didn't hit them. We didn't, and I think people might have understood if we had. But, the rain let up around 12:23, and didn't start again until 2:30 on the dot.
The funny part is that all of the moms kept coming in and talking about how awesome and amazing God is, and while I don't disagree, I looked at it from a different perspective. Yes, God is awe-inspiring and amazing. None of my friends can create rain. But, God gave me a pretty good sense of humor, and I tend to look at Him from that perspective, so I am thinking that all day today, God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit have been up there having a pretty good laugh at our expense.
"Look at them!" Jesus says.
"They are running around like chickens with their heads cut off!" Holy Spirit interjects.
"What they don't know is that I'm totally going to give them dry skies for their little pool party. But this is entertaining. Let's keep them guessing for a few more mintues." God declares.
God's funny like that.
Teenagers. This week, they're in charge of the kids. This is the week I am always reminded why I love them so. Speaking of that, I'm going to swim out to my car to have dinner with a couple of three of them...
It was raining tons this morning, and the field trip organizer was running around frantically trying to figure out a contingency plan and answer all of the parent questions and stuff. We were joking and just getting generally annoyed with the amount of questions we were receiving and the headache that the constant eye-on-the-weather was giving us.
Well, today, we were set to leave at 12:30 and return at 3. The kids had to start getting back to the busses at 2:30. So, it rained and rained and rained, and at about noon the mom-chaperones were coming in telling us "it's 74 and rainy outside and are you going to call off this trip because my precious little fragile child can't get wet lest they melt and its too cold to swim and it might lightening and what are you going to do about it?" And we didn't hit them. We didn't, and I think people might have understood if we had. But, the rain let up around 12:23, and didn't start again until 2:30 on the dot.
The funny part is that all of the moms kept coming in and talking about how awesome and amazing God is, and while I don't disagree, I looked at it from a different perspective. Yes, God is awe-inspiring and amazing. None of my friends can create rain. But, God gave me a pretty good sense of humor, and I tend to look at Him from that perspective, so I am thinking that all day today, God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit have been up there having a pretty good laugh at our expense.
"Look at them!" Jesus says.
"They are running around like chickens with their heads cut off!" Holy Spirit interjects.
"What they don't know is that I'm totally going to give them dry skies for their little pool party. But this is entertaining. Let's keep them guessing for a few more mintues." God declares.
God's funny like that.
Teenagers. This week, they're in charge of the kids. This is the week I am always reminded why I love them so. Speaking of that, I'm going to swim out to my car to have dinner with a couple of three of them...
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Ten Things
Camp was a great week.
As always, here's my ten things list from camp:
1. When 6th grade boys go flying by your cabin door, followed by 6th grade girls, it's not a good sign, and it more than likely involves a frog.
2. Sixth grade boys (and girls) need a little direction when pulling off a prank so that it does not involve nudity.
3. For your first time to blob, it is not wise to have Mr. Tim as the blobber...
4. Three bottles of water, four Advil, a Mt. Dew, and a Kit-Kat are a sure fire way to head off early morning dehydration.
5. Sixth graders cannot herd goats.
6. I am not a good mailman, photographer, or keeper of earrings.
7. It's Luigi and Guido, not Freedo, which I apparently cannot pronounce.
8. On day 4, at 12:30 in the morning, nothing is funnier than the words "Pit Stop."
9. No one is more excited to see you home than the three dogs, and it takes approximately thrity-five seconds to wind up covered in happy scratches and bulldog hair.
10. This new guy is good stuff, and he's going to take our children's ministry a long way, to some very good places.
As always, here's my ten things list from camp:
1. When 6th grade boys go flying by your cabin door, followed by 6th grade girls, it's not a good sign, and it more than likely involves a frog.
2. Sixth grade boys (and girls) need a little direction when pulling off a prank so that it does not involve nudity.
3. For your first time to blob, it is not wise to have Mr. Tim as the blobber...
4. Three bottles of water, four Advil, a Mt. Dew, and a Kit-Kat are a sure fire way to head off early morning dehydration.
5. Sixth graders cannot herd goats.
6. I am not a good mailman, photographer, or keeper of earrings.
7. It's Luigi and Guido, not Freedo, which I apparently cannot pronounce.
8. On day 4, at 12:30 in the morning, nothing is funnier than the words "Pit Stop."
9. No one is more excited to see you home than the three dogs, and it takes approximately thrity-five seconds to wind up covered in happy scratches and bulldog hair.
10. This new guy is good stuff, and he's going to take our children's ministry a long way, to some very good places.
Saturday, June 09, 2007
Camp
I head out for camp tomorrow afternoon, so I'll be out of commission for a week. I am part of the early crew that goes ahead of the kids and other adults and gets everything ready. This year, we have a new children's minister, and he's awesome, and I am already anticipating a great week.
I'm feeling a little off today for some reason. Can't put my finger on it right now, but I just don't feel right. Physically, I'm fine. Emotionally, spiritually, whatever...just a little off. Not sure what that's about. The last trip I took, mission trip, was emotionally tough for me, and I think I may be a little gun-shy about going on another week-long trip where I'm away from my family, my routine, and my little corner of the world that's mine all mine. Also, last year's trip was very very hard for me, and I came back very hurt. So maybe I'm just a little afraid of what might happen for me this week.
One of the things I've been thinking about a lot lately is that although I've completed a lot of fun creative projects lately- scrapbooks and scavenger hunts- I'm not writing at all. I'm not a writer per se. I'm not going to write a novel- those are not my aspirations. I just write to make sense of things, and as a sort of healing outlet, and I haven't written much lately. My journal has been empty. I've written a snippet here and a snippet there and not much in between, and I think that's part of my funk.
Whatever the reason, I'm going away for a week with no internet access, no blog, and limited cell phone usage. It will do me good I think. And don't worry. I'm sure when I get back I will have a list for you.
I'm feeling a little off today for some reason. Can't put my finger on it right now, but I just don't feel right. Physically, I'm fine. Emotionally, spiritually, whatever...just a little off. Not sure what that's about. The last trip I took, mission trip, was emotionally tough for me, and I think I may be a little gun-shy about going on another week-long trip where I'm away from my family, my routine, and my little corner of the world that's mine all mine. Also, last year's trip was very very hard for me, and I came back very hurt. So maybe I'm just a little afraid of what might happen for me this week.
One of the things I've been thinking about a lot lately is that although I've completed a lot of fun creative projects lately- scrapbooks and scavenger hunts- I'm not writing at all. I'm not a writer per se. I'm not going to write a novel- those are not my aspirations. I just write to make sense of things, and as a sort of healing outlet, and I haven't written much lately. My journal has been empty. I've written a snippet here and a snippet there and not much in between, and I think that's part of my funk.
Whatever the reason, I'm going away for a week with no internet access, no blog, and limited cell phone usage. It will do me good I think. And don't worry. I'm sure when I get back I will have a list for you.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Why I 'Dress' for Church (on Sundays)
Let me start by saying that my church does some pretty wicked-creative things in their services, really helping to get the point across. Today, I took the red pill.
I've been thinking about this post for a while now, because I 'dress' for church every Sunday. I put the word dress in marks, because obviously my church is not clothing-optional, but I dress for church in the sense that I wear more formal outfits on Sunday mornings. Our church, and our culture in general have become so casual lately. I have been asked many times why I am so dressed up for church. I have several reasons. Some are holy, most are human. Here they are, in no particular order:
1. It's how I grew up. I typically tell people that having a Southern-Mississippi-raised mother meant you wore Sunday best to church every Sunday morning, and I'm just used to it. For the most part that's true, but the reality is that my parents were always painfully concerned about how we presented ourselves to those outside our family, and therefore, you dressed up and looked nice on Sunday mornings, and though the reasons are different, the action has stayed with me.
2. Yes, God doesn't care what we wear to worship, which is why I know He doesn't mind my pajamas when I'm talking to Him in the morning and right before bed. But I don't want to enter into a corporate setting like Sunday morning worship having just 'thrown on' some clothes. On Sunday mornings, I'm treating Him ever-so-slightly different than I do when we're just hanging out and talking in my room. It's a formal meeting where others are present, and I want to take the time to prepare myself for the meeting. I make myself look nice for my Maker.
3. There are so precious few reasons to be feminine nowadays, that I want to wear a dress or a skirt and look like a girl and be a girl. I'm not cutesy cutesy and I'm not typically girlie girlie, but I am a girl. It's not a beauty thing. The guys in my life have seen me when I'm in the trenches, sweaty and putting together beds in a nursing home in Mexico, or playing a game with teenagers at camp, and I know that that's when the inner beauty comes out, but it is nice every once in a while to remind others and myself that I am feminine.
4. I want to set an example to the younger girls that I can dress fashionably, like a girl, and still dress modestly. Modesty is a HUGE issue with me. I will not wear a dress or skirt that comes above my knees, and almost everyone who knows me (including my students), knows that's my policy. I could hop onto a pretty big soapbox about this one, but I won't. It's just one of the reasons I wear a dress to church.
I've been thinking about this post for a while now, because I 'dress' for church every Sunday. I put the word dress in marks, because obviously my church is not clothing-optional, but I dress for church in the sense that I wear more formal outfits on Sunday mornings. Our church, and our culture in general have become so casual lately. I have been asked many times why I am so dressed up for church. I have several reasons. Some are holy, most are human. Here they are, in no particular order:
1. It's how I grew up. I typically tell people that having a Southern-Mississippi-raised mother meant you wore Sunday best to church every Sunday morning, and I'm just used to it. For the most part that's true, but the reality is that my parents were always painfully concerned about how we presented ourselves to those outside our family, and therefore, you dressed up and looked nice on Sunday mornings, and though the reasons are different, the action has stayed with me.
2. Yes, God doesn't care what we wear to worship, which is why I know He doesn't mind my pajamas when I'm talking to Him in the morning and right before bed. But I don't want to enter into a corporate setting like Sunday morning worship having just 'thrown on' some clothes. On Sunday mornings, I'm treating Him ever-so-slightly different than I do when we're just hanging out and talking in my room. It's a formal meeting where others are present, and I want to take the time to prepare myself for the meeting. I make myself look nice for my Maker.
3. There are so precious few reasons to be feminine nowadays, that I want to wear a dress or a skirt and look like a girl and be a girl. I'm not cutesy cutesy and I'm not typically girlie girlie, but I am a girl. It's not a beauty thing. The guys in my life have seen me when I'm in the trenches, sweaty and putting together beds in a nursing home in Mexico, or playing a game with teenagers at camp, and I know that that's when the inner beauty comes out, but it is nice every once in a while to remind others and myself that I am feminine.
4. I want to set an example to the younger girls that I can dress fashionably, like a girl, and still dress modestly. Modesty is a HUGE issue with me. I will not wear a dress or skirt that comes above my knees, and almost everyone who knows me (including my students), knows that's my policy. I could hop onto a pretty big soapbox about this one, but I won't. It's just one of the reasons I wear a dress to church.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
The Thing About Teenagers (And, More About Pirates)
On the last day of school, my freshman sophomore girls wanted to go to the midnight showing of Pirates of the Caribbean at World's End. It opened on Friday, so they wanted to go to the midnight showing, which actually started at 11:05, or so the theater said. I took them to the Studio Movie Grill, because they wanted to go, and apparently, that's the only place I'm to see movies now.
Having worked at school until 8:30, I needed Starbucks to become a functioning human being again, and after I picked the girls up and we hit the drive-thru on Main, we made it to the Grill at around 10ish. We were able to go right in, and after heated discussion about where to sit, and the paper-covers-rock-decision made, we sat our happy little selves down in a row. There was a group behind us that was comprised of young girls, young boys, and two adults that were apparently in charge. The whole gathering just screamed 'youth group' much like our little clique of threefreshman sophomore girls and two adults did.
As is the common case with teenagers, conversations are automatically up for grabs, and we quickly found ourselves all talking together, as if we were friends and came there together. One of the boys tried to teach us how to whistle, and we all got into a discussion about passing notes on tithe envelopes and how three is not in fact an unlucky number (the Trinity...duh!). By the end of it, we were all playing Shrek Operation, and comiserating together over whether the movie was ever going to start.
There is the popular C.S. Lewis quote that says “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one” That quote is not always true of adults, but I can tell you it is true of teenagers. As the movie did start, I thought about whether or not all of this would have happened if teenagers weren't present. Probably not.
And the Pirate movie. Dumb. Confusing. Violent (okay, I knew it would be). Over it.
Having worked at school until 8:30, I needed Starbucks to become a functioning human being again, and after I picked the girls up and we hit the drive-thru on Main, we made it to the Grill at around 10ish. We were able to go right in, and after heated discussion about where to sit, and the paper-covers-rock-decision made, we sat our happy little selves down in a row. There was a group behind us that was comprised of young girls, young boys, and two adults that were apparently in charge. The whole gathering just screamed 'youth group' much like our little clique of three
As is the common case with teenagers, conversations are automatically up for grabs, and we quickly found ourselves all talking together, as if we were friends and came there together. One of the boys tried to teach us how to whistle, and we all got into a discussion about passing notes on tithe envelopes and how three is not in fact an unlucky number (the Trinity...duh!). By the end of it, we were all playing Shrek Operation, and comiserating together over whether the movie was ever going to start.
There is the popular C.S. Lewis quote that says “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one” That quote is not always true of adults, but I can tell you it is true of teenagers. As the movie did start, I thought about whether or not all of this would have happened if teenagers weren't present. Probably not.
And the Pirate movie. Dumb. Confusing. Violent (okay, I knew it would be). Over it.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
And You Can Shake a Stick at a Lot of Things
Tonight was more fun than you can shake a stick at. When you're almost in charge of God-only-knows how many K-6th graders, at a relatively large church, and the tornado sirens are going off, it's just too much fun. It's funner than anything. It's the funnest!
Fun, fun, fun!
Fun, fun, fun!
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
On Being Single
I've been thinking lately about being single. One of my growth group girls told me on Sunday that she wants me to get married soon so she can be in my wedding. (Two other leaders recently got married, and their girls got to be in the weddings). My students ask me all the time why I don't just get married. I ask them if they know anyone. They're seven, so they just shrug.
This other blog I read was asked about the benefits of being single. I have lots of thoughts on being single. I've been doin' it awhile. As a single Christian, I've heard a lot of sermons and read a lot of books. I have a lot of thoughts.
I once had a single adult minister that was so focused on being complete in God, and nurturing the single life and such, that she was almost millitant about it. We were never encouraged to talk about marriage, and I always felt guilty that I wanted to get married some day. That was a time when it was hard to be single.
Since I wasn't getting any direction from her, I went straight to the Source. I asked Him if I would ever get married, and in His own way, He said yes. So, I know that He told Abraham that he would be the father of many nations and told Noah that he would never wipe out the human race again, and He kept those promises, so I know He's going to keep the one He made to me.
So, I go from there. Paul says a lot about being single. It's good stuff, but it's often misinterpreted. He says if you're single, it's a gift, and it's from God, and you should stay single. But us single people, especially the older ones like me, we get this message that maybe we're supposed to stay single. And that's so discouraging. I mean, here's this one thing that we want more than everything, that, lots of other people get, and we're just supposed to go "oh, okay. I guess I don't get to have that."
I think what Paul's saying is that we should not be focused on being single, but instead, focus on what God's doing for us and with us and through us, and let the rest go. He says in 1 Corinthians 7:34 "a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit." (NLT)
I didn't fully understand this until I met some people that were okay being single, and some people that were not okay being single. I have a couple of single Christian girl acquaintances, and I have gone so far as to ask others in conversation not to put me in the group with these girls. They ooze desperation and even use phrases like "my eggs are shriveling up." That's what Paul's telling all of us not to be.
I am trying to be what Paul talked about. I am trying to focus on the Lord, and I'm doing the best I can. No one is ever focused on the Lord all the time. But I guess if I just don't focus on being single all the time, I guess I'm on the right track.
More to come later...
This other blog I read was asked about the benefits of being single. I have lots of thoughts on being single. I've been doin' it awhile. As a single Christian, I've heard a lot of sermons and read a lot of books. I have a lot of thoughts.
I once had a single adult minister that was so focused on being complete in God, and nurturing the single life and such, that she was almost millitant about it. We were never encouraged to talk about marriage, and I always felt guilty that I wanted to get married some day. That was a time when it was hard to be single.
Since I wasn't getting any direction from her, I went straight to the Source. I asked Him if I would ever get married, and in His own way, He said yes. So, I know that He told Abraham that he would be the father of many nations and told Noah that he would never wipe out the human race again, and He kept those promises, so I know He's going to keep the one He made to me.
So, I go from there. Paul says a lot about being single. It's good stuff, but it's often misinterpreted. He says if you're single, it's a gift, and it's from God, and you should stay single. But us single people, especially the older ones like me, we get this message that maybe we're supposed to stay single. And that's so discouraging. I mean, here's this one thing that we want more than everything, that, lots of other people get, and we're just supposed to go "oh, okay. I guess I don't get to have that."
I think what Paul's saying is that we should not be focused on being single, but instead, focus on what God's doing for us and with us and through us, and let the rest go. He says in 1 Corinthians 7:34 "a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit." (NLT)
I didn't fully understand this until I met some people that were okay being single, and some people that were not okay being single. I have a couple of single Christian girl acquaintances, and I have gone so far as to ask others in conversation not to put me in the group with these girls. They ooze desperation and even use phrases like "my eggs are shriveling up." That's what Paul's telling all of us not to be.
I am trying to be what Paul talked about. I am trying to focus on the Lord, and I'm doing the best I can. No one is ever focused on the Lord all the time. But I guess if I just don't focus on being single all the time, I guess I'm on the right track.
More to come later...
Made Me Think
Here's an article today that made me think:
Religion to What End?
by Candice Watters
Rick Warren and his Purpose Driven Life is making headlines overseas. The German website Spiegel Online has a story not about his influence for the kingdom, but about his vast influence here on earth. In "Karaoke for the Lord: The Recipe for Success at American Megachurches," Susanne Weingarten reports on Warren's Saddleback congregation with a view from the pew.
"Megachurches use innovative packaging to sell religion," she writes. "It's user-friendly, practical, authentic, and modern. The Christian is the customer. They have learned a thing or two from shopping malls and big business. They woo their target group with a heavy dose of entertainment, sophisticated technology, wall-to-wall ideas for success at home and at work, and a spring-in-your-stride message that everything's good."
Then again, maybe religion isn't what people want after all. "I love Saddleback because it's not so religious," says Lisa Volder, a member for three years. Weingarten writes,
When Lisa waxes lyrical about Saddleback's understated approach to religion, she most likely means its lack of time-honored rituals: Saddleback has no liturgy, no prayer books, no sonorous minister fiddling around at the altar. Saddleback doesn't have an altar, or a pulpit; just Rick Warren's sermon, interspersed with high-decibel (set at 98-108dbs) blasts of schmaltzy Christian rock. The songs' lyrics are shown on a ticker along the base of the video screens; sentiments like "I can't get enough of your love pouring down my soul." Karaoke for the Lord.
"Megachurches sell the Christian faith as the (only) path to a better, happier life," the article says. I thought the whole point was showing people the only path to the Father. "Jesus answered, 'I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me'" (John 14:6).
What about the path Jesus describes in Matthew 7:13-14, "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."
American suburbia is lapping up this new brand of spiritual comfort food. "The megachurches are very good at meeting human beings where they are, with their questions, needs, and hurts," says David Gushee, a professor for moral philosophy at the Baptist Union University in Jackson, Tennessee.
By all means, meet people where they are. Where else could you meet them? But for heaven's sake, don't leave them there!
The bulk of the article is dedicated to a discussion of the political leanings of evangelicals in America, and their influence on elections. Weingarten concludes the article with this observation, "The purpose-driven man from Orange County is probably the biggest mouthpiece that U.S. churches have ever produced." If that's true, I hope he'll also be the truest.
Still thinking that one over.
Religion to What End?
by Candice Watters
Rick Warren and his Purpose Driven Life is making headlines overseas. The German website Spiegel Online has a story not about his influence for the kingdom, but about his vast influence here on earth. In "Karaoke for the Lord: The Recipe for Success at American Megachurches," Susanne Weingarten reports on Warren's Saddleback congregation with a view from the pew.
"Megachurches use innovative packaging to sell religion," she writes. "It's user-friendly, practical, authentic, and modern. The Christian is the customer. They have learned a thing or two from shopping malls and big business. They woo their target group with a heavy dose of entertainment, sophisticated technology, wall-to-wall ideas for success at home and at work, and a spring-in-your-stride message that everything's good."
Then again, maybe religion isn't what people want after all. "I love Saddleback because it's not so religious," says Lisa Volder, a member for three years. Weingarten writes,
When Lisa waxes lyrical about Saddleback's understated approach to religion, she most likely means its lack of time-honored rituals: Saddleback has no liturgy, no prayer books, no sonorous minister fiddling around at the altar. Saddleback doesn't have an altar, or a pulpit; just Rick Warren's sermon, interspersed with high-decibel (set at 98-108dbs) blasts of schmaltzy Christian rock. The songs' lyrics are shown on a ticker along the base of the video screens; sentiments like "I can't get enough of your love pouring down my soul." Karaoke for the Lord.
"Megachurches sell the Christian faith as the (only) path to a better, happier life," the article says. I thought the whole point was showing people the only path to the Father. "Jesus answered, 'I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me'" (John 14:6).
What about the path Jesus describes in Matthew 7:13-14, "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."
American suburbia is lapping up this new brand of spiritual comfort food. "The megachurches are very good at meeting human beings where they are, with their questions, needs, and hurts," says David Gushee, a professor for moral philosophy at the Baptist Union University in Jackson, Tennessee.
By all means, meet people where they are. Where else could you meet them? But for heaven's sake, don't leave them there!
The bulk of the article is dedicated to a discussion of the political leanings of evangelicals in America, and their influence on elections. Weingarten concludes the article with this observation, "The purpose-driven man from Orange County is probably the biggest mouthpiece that U.S. churches have ever produced." If that's true, I hope he'll also be the truest.
Still thinking that one over.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Take Off Your Sandals
"Take off your sandals, for you are standing on holy ground." - Exodus 3:5
On the Thursday of mission trip, we go to Mexico to shop, and then we come back to the church and finish up all the projects we have left. We get exceptionally dirty. Mikel planned it like this. After dinner, she instructed the kids to our meeting place, and had them take off their shoes. She told the story of when Jesus washed the disciples' feet, and then had the adults wash the children's feet.
Jesus washed the disciples' feet and told them to wash each others' feet. (There was more to it than just this, but I'm skipping to the part that was so meaningful to me.) So, the adults washed the feet of the kids, but what happened afterwards was the meaningful part, that I think Jesus really meant when he sat down to the last supper.
As the teenagers' feet were washed, they in turn asked to wash our feet. Beautiful. Then, because it's teenagers, it JUST KEPT GETTING BETTER. The first girl to ask me to wash someone else's feet was my Sam-I-Am, whom I love more each time I see her. She walked across the room and washed the feet of a girl who was a good friend but was having some drama with this week. This sparked an onslaught of washing. Brothers washing sisters' feet. Boyfriends washing girlfriends' feet. Daughters washing fathers' feet. Enemies washing enemies' feet.
Holy ground.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Ten Things and a Soundtrack
I love me a list, so coming back from mission trip, I have two for ya.
The first is my standard ten things from Mission Trip:
Ten Things I Learned on Mission Trip:
1. Stars are made of farts, duh.
2. While cruise control is quite a nifty invention, it is futile and downright useless if the leader of the caravan will not go consistently 60 or 85, but instead varies continuously between the two speeds.
3. There's nothing like flourescent lighting at 6:30 in the morning to make a girl feel pretty!
4. Nothing kills a song faster than 40 teenagers adopting it as the "Mission Trip Song" and insisting that it be played every time you got in the van! (I used to like "Fidelity")
5. When left to the devices of high school boys, the song will be transformed Weird-Al style into an ode to some sort of bodily function.
6. It takes $2.00 and ten minutes to get from the U.S. to Mexico, but it takes $2.30 and 2 hours to get from Mexico to the U.S. I am not exaggerating.
7. I frustrate the people at Home Depot, and they frustrate me.
8. It is way easier to "take care of a ticket" in Mexico than in the U.S., and it only takes roughly $15.
9. When taking 40 teenagers across the border to eat lunch and shop at the mercado, one idiot- I mean, novice- will cross with only $4 and his mother's Mastercard. When he asked to borrow the 35 cents it requires to walk back across the bridge, I had to think twice about loaning it to him. (I eventually did).
10. Skinny seventh-graders are faster than AAA when it comes to getting a van unlocked.
The second list is the soundtrack for our trip. Mikel made a mix, and the van adopted five of the songs from it to be played in a specific order everytime we had the opportunity. After that, I was allowed to play my mix.
Their soundtrack:
"Fidelity" by Regina Spektor (beat to death!)
"Irreplaceable" by Beyonce (every opportunity to use the phrase 'to the left' was taken)
"Where is the Love?" by the Black Eyed Peas
"Ridin' wit' my top down" by LaCrae
"The Blower's Daughter" by Damien Rice (with the words changed to "I can't take my eyes off pies)
my mix:
Those, plus:
"Colorful" by Rocco Deluca and the Burden
"I'll Follow You Into the Dark" by Death Cab for Cutie
"Love and Some Verses" by Iron and Wine
plus, a cd made in honor of my birthday that had all of the big hits of 1977.
We did have some very meaningful moments for both me and the students on the trip. More on that later.
The first is my standard ten things from Mission Trip:
Ten Things I Learned on Mission Trip:
1. Stars are made of farts, duh.
2. While cruise control is quite a nifty invention, it is futile and downright useless if the leader of the caravan will not go consistently 60 or 85, but instead varies continuously between the two speeds.
3. There's nothing like flourescent lighting at 6:30 in the morning to make a girl feel pretty!
4. Nothing kills a song faster than 40 teenagers adopting it as the "Mission Trip Song" and insisting that it be played every time you got in the van! (I used to like "Fidelity")
5. When left to the devices of high school boys, the song will be transformed Weird-Al style into an ode to some sort of bodily function.
6. It takes $2.00 and ten minutes to get from the U.S. to Mexico, but it takes $2.30 and 2 hours to get from Mexico to the U.S. I am not exaggerating.
7. I frustrate the people at Home Depot, and they frustrate me.
8. It is way easier to "take care of a ticket" in Mexico than in the U.S., and it only takes roughly $15.
9. When taking 40 teenagers across the border to eat lunch and shop at the mercado, one idiot- I mean, novice- will cross with only $4 and his mother's Mastercard. When he asked to borrow the 35 cents it requires to walk back across the bridge, I had to think twice about loaning it to him. (I eventually did).
10. Skinny seventh-graders are faster than AAA when it comes to getting a van unlocked.
The second list is the soundtrack for our trip. Mikel made a mix, and the van adopted five of the songs from it to be played in a specific order everytime we had the opportunity. After that, I was allowed to play my mix.
Their soundtrack:
"Fidelity" by Regina Spektor (beat to death!)
"Irreplaceable" by Beyonce (every opportunity to use the phrase 'to the left' was taken)
"Where is the Love?" by the Black Eyed Peas
"Ridin' wit' my top down" by LaCrae
"The Blower's Daughter" by Damien Rice (with the words changed to "I can't take my eyes off pies)
my mix:
Those, plus:
"Colorful" by Rocco Deluca and the Burden
"I'll Follow You Into the Dark" by Death Cab for Cutie
"Love and Some Verses" by Iron and Wine
plus, a cd made in honor of my birthday that had all of the big hits of 1977.
We did have some very meaningful moments for both me and the students on the trip. More on that later.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Home Again Home Again Jiggity Jig
Home from South Texas/Mexico.
Drove 12 hours in a van with freshmen and sophomores today.
Used a seventh grader to get the keys out of a locked van (no. it was not my locked van.)
Going to snuggle up with my dog and sleep until Jesus wakes me up.
Drove 12 hours in a van with freshmen and sophomores today.
Used a seventh grader to get the keys out of a locked van (no. it was not my locked van.)
Going to snuggle up with my dog and sleep until Jesus wakes me up.
Monday, March 05, 2007
Somedays
Somedays, your prayer goes a little something like this:
Dear God,
I am exhausted.
I feel like a failure.
I want to quit the whole church thing.
I'm not going to, but I just thought you should know.
I understand this is a lesson, and I really don't know where it's going, but I trust You.
And I just wanted you to know how I feel.
Jennifer
Dear God,
I am exhausted.
I feel like a failure.
I want to quit the whole church thing.
I'm not going to, but I just thought you should know.
I understand this is a lesson, and I really don't know where it's going, but I trust You.
And I just wanted you to know how I feel.
Jennifer
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
I Got Nothing
I'm working on a project for school that is requiring me to be exceptionally creative, and as much as I love being creative, and having an outlet for it...I gotta tell you, it is sucking the life out of me. I'm exhausted.
Lent starts tomorrow. I'm giving up soda again. I give it up every year. You'd think it would become routine, but every year I give up the same thing (give or take a couple of extras), and every year it is still hard. Every year I am reminded that I am weak but He is strong.
My biggest fear is failure, and that always comes to light around Lent season, because I have the same dream every year that I drink a soda and then remember it is Lent and have a big meltdown in my dream. And then I wake up.
My aunt always reminds me that we are Baptist and we don't give anything up and if I'm going to do this I can't complain about it. I think it's good that she reminds me about that because it kind of keeps my attitude in check as well.
Between school and a few other things, I'm mentally, creatively, and physically exhausted. So I'm going to bed...
Lent starts tomorrow. I'm giving up soda again. I give it up every year. You'd think it would become routine, but every year I give up the same thing (give or take a couple of extras), and every year it is still hard. Every year I am reminded that I am weak but He is strong.
My biggest fear is failure, and that always comes to light around Lent season, because I have the same dream every year that I drink a soda and then remember it is Lent and have a big meltdown in my dream. And then I wake up.
My aunt always reminds me that we are Baptist and we don't give anything up and if I'm going to do this I can't complain about it. I think it's good that she reminds me about that because it kind of keeps my attitude in check as well.
Between school and a few other things, I'm mentally, creatively, and physically exhausted. So I'm going to bed...
Monday, February 05, 2007
Ten Things That Were Delightful About This Weekend
I love lists. I love top ten lists, except on Thursdays, in which I love top thirteen lists. So, without further ado, here is my list of ten things that were delightful about Revo "Lost" weekend at my church.
1. I had ten delightful girls at a delightful house with delightful host parents.
2. We watched High School Musical at midnight on Friday night. I love it that my girls really were so innocent that things like this are still their favorites...well, most of them.
3. The hand motions that go along with "Timmy's" promise to create skits so good they will rock my face off.
4. The pink pig that I got in my leader survival kit.
5. The bright yellow blanket also included in my survival kit.
6. When pranks were verboten, and A still had a six-pack of toilet paper, M became a "sleeping" target.
7. JonMarc Shillington. Delightful. Purely delightful. I heart him!
8. Playing dodgeball with someone I never even thought was aware dodgeball existed.
9. The sight of all of the adults (myself included) involved in a mass exodus when the Christian rap artist took the stage. I turn into a bobblehead doll when I hear that kind of music...or Kevin James from Hitch.
10. The BEST of all: I haven't seen my Swan in about two weeks, which is highly unusual for both of us. When he mentioned that, I made some sort of faux "you wanna do something about it" gesture, and he said "Hug it out." LOVE IT! He's started watching The Office. I heart him, too!
1. I had ten delightful girls at a delightful house with delightful host parents.
2. We watched High School Musical at midnight on Friday night. I love it that my girls really were so innocent that things like this are still their favorites...well, most of them.
3. The hand motions that go along with "Timmy's" promise to create skits so good they will rock my face off.
4. The pink pig that I got in my leader survival kit.
5. The bright yellow blanket also included in my survival kit.
6. When pranks were verboten, and A still had a six-pack of toilet paper, M became a "sleeping" target.
7. JonMarc Shillington. Delightful. Purely delightful. I heart him!
8. Playing dodgeball with someone I never even thought was aware dodgeball existed.
9. The sight of all of the adults (myself included) involved in a mass exodus when the Christian rap artist took the stage. I turn into a bobblehead doll when I hear that kind of music...or Kevin James from Hitch.
10. The BEST of all: I haven't seen my Swan in about two weeks, which is highly unusual for both of us. When he mentioned that, I made some sort of faux "you wanna do something about it" gesture, and he said "Hug it out." LOVE IT! He's started watching The Office. I heart him, too!
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
All Things Are Yours
I heard a sermon with this title, and it's come back to me time and time again. It goes along with all of my thoughts with the Nirvana song, which are still swirling in my head.
Warning: this will be long and rambling, and probably won't make much sense, and could be way off base, but so is the rest of my life, so there.
I let things sit, because sometimes I jump way ahead of God on things. I find something that might be a message from the Spirit, and jump right into a "it must be a sign...it must mean this..." mentality. And it isn't always a sign. It doesn't always have a grander meaning, and I tend up over-thinking it. So, as of late, I've had to let things sit, in order not to over-think them, and let the Spirit get the message into my head when He's ready for me to hear it.
Which is what's happened with the Nirvana song "Come As You Are." I've been letting it sit in my mind, bouncing that and "Just As I Am." Then, I get an email asking me to put together a devotional for something...long story. But the short part of the story is that this devotional is for teenagers, and I really think this song is it. This song helps me get across the message I want to get across to them.
One of the things I struggle with is a formal quiet time. I don't have a sit down with the Bible every morning, which I guess I should. I try to a lot at night, but I'm rarely successful. But I talk to God all day, every day. And most importantly, I look for him. Everywhere. I try to connect with him constantly. More often than not, I find Him and connect with Him in song. I hear a snippet, hear a word, hear a line, hear a lyric, and I get to thinking. It's then that I go to my Bible, to make sense of it all.
I hang out with a group of freshman girls on Sunday nights for what we call Growth Groups. Our student minister is very careful not to call them accountability groups, and I think she's very wise in doing so. Anyways, I also used to have a group of girls my age at my house every Tuesday night, and other various nights of the week as the need or whimsy struck us all. The major frustration that I get/got from both groups is that they didn't see God or hear from Him. Ever.
I've never understood that. I can't say that I always "saw" God, because I didn't always look for Him. He is and was and always will be, so it's clearly me that had the problem. I am not able to go days or minutes or seconds without hearing from God or seeing Him or getting together with Him. But, see...I know where to look, and I know where to listen. And it's not KLTY.
I really think that my teenagers think that the only place you can find God is heavily emmersed in the Christian culture, and yes, you can see Him there, but my life is not heavily emmersed in the Christian culture, nor is theirs, which is why I think they don't necessarily look for Him, and thus, don't listen for Him and find Him. Let me stop now and say that I could totally be wrong, and God and Jesus could be upstairs having a hearty laugh at me, which I suspect they do quite often.
See, there's bad stuff out there. Bad movies, bad songs, bad stuff. But there's good stuff out there too. And just because it doesn't come in a pretty pink package with the words "From God" on it, via KLTY or Focus on the Family, we're afraid of it, and can't think it to be of any worth. But it is! 1 Corinthians 3:21 says that "everything belongs to you." It was written to a church that was getting in arguments over whose preacher was better. Paul says "it doesn't matter! Truth is truth, no matter who says it!" And he's right. Truth is Truth, no matter what. And if we find Truth in a Nirvana song, it's not any more or less truthful than if we find it in a hymn written 8 million 7 years ago.
So back to the devotional part of the thing. I want my girls to know that they can find God anywhere, and that any time that they connect with Him and feel close to Him is a quiet time. Any sit down with the Bible is good, but that's not the only way to connect with God. And, you don't have to be Sally Spiritual Sunshine to have a sit down with God. You can be doused in mud or soaked in bleach, or any of the other things Nirvana says.
1 Corinthians 3:21-23 (NLT)
"So don’t boast about following a particular human leader. For everything belongs to you—whether Paul or Apollos or Peter, or the world, or life and death, or the present and the future. Everything belongs to you, and you belong to Christ, and Christ belongs to God."
Warning: this will be long and rambling, and probably won't make much sense, and could be way off base, but so is the rest of my life, so there.
I let things sit, because sometimes I jump way ahead of God on things. I find something that might be a message from the Spirit, and jump right into a "it must be a sign...it must mean this..." mentality. And it isn't always a sign. It doesn't always have a grander meaning, and I tend up over-thinking it. So, as of late, I've had to let things sit, in order not to over-think them, and let the Spirit get the message into my head when He's ready for me to hear it.
Which is what's happened with the Nirvana song "Come As You Are." I've been letting it sit in my mind, bouncing that and "Just As I Am." Then, I get an email asking me to put together a devotional for something...long story. But the short part of the story is that this devotional is for teenagers, and I really think this song is it. This song helps me get across the message I want to get across to them.
One of the things I struggle with is a formal quiet time. I don't have a sit down with the Bible every morning, which I guess I should. I try to a lot at night, but I'm rarely successful. But I talk to God all day, every day. And most importantly, I look for him. Everywhere. I try to connect with him constantly. More often than not, I find Him and connect with Him in song. I hear a snippet, hear a word, hear a line, hear a lyric, and I get to thinking. It's then that I go to my Bible, to make sense of it all.
I hang out with a group of freshman girls on Sunday nights for what we call Growth Groups. Our student minister is very careful not to call them accountability groups, and I think she's very wise in doing so. Anyways, I also used to have a group of girls my age at my house every Tuesday night, and other various nights of the week as the need or whimsy struck us all. The major frustration that I get/got from both groups is that they didn't see God or hear from Him. Ever.
I've never understood that. I can't say that I always "saw" God, because I didn't always look for Him. He is and was and always will be, so it's clearly me that had the problem. I am not able to go days or minutes or seconds without hearing from God or seeing Him or getting together with Him. But, see...I know where to look, and I know where to listen. And it's not KLTY.
I really think that my teenagers think that the only place you can find God is heavily emmersed in the Christian culture, and yes, you can see Him there, but my life is not heavily emmersed in the Christian culture, nor is theirs, which is why I think they don't necessarily look for Him, and thus, don't listen for Him and find Him. Let me stop now and say that I could totally be wrong, and God and Jesus could be upstairs having a hearty laugh at me, which I suspect they do quite often.
See, there's bad stuff out there. Bad movies, bad songs, bad stuff. But there's good stuff out there too. And just because it doesn't come in a pretty pink package with the words "From God" on it, via KLTY or Focus on the Family, we're afraid of it, and can't think it to be of any worth. But it is! 1 Corinthians 3:21 says that "everything belongs to you." It was written to a church that was getting in arguments over whose preacher was better. Paul says "it doesn't matter! Truth is truth, no matter who says it!" And he's right. Truth is Truth, no matter what. And if we find Truth in a Nirvana song, it's not any more or less truthful than if we find it in a hymn written 8 million 7 years ago.
So back to the devotional part of the thing. I want my girls to know that they can find God anywhere, and that any time that they connect with Him and feel close to Him is a quiet time. Any sit down with the Bible is good, but that's not the only way to connect with God. And, you don't have to be Sally Spiritual Sunshine to have a sit down with God. You can be doused in mud or soaked in bleach, or any of the other things Nirvana says.
1 Corinthians 3:21-23 (NLT)
"So don’t boast about following a particular human leader. For everything belongs to you—whether Paul or Apollos or Peter, or the world, or life and death, or the present and the future. Everything belongs to you, and you belong to Christ, and Christ belongs to God."
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